Hey again

Sorry I kinda shot off before, I felt like I wasn't honouring her memory by jumping on here and talking about it. But that doesn't really make any sense, so here I am.

I'm finding that I don't really feel anything at the moment. I know I should feel crushed by it all, and I do in a way. It's like I'm looking at somebody else who's devastated and thinking; "huh, yeah I get why he's so upset."

I know you're all here for different reasons, but do you get what I mean?

EDIT: Here's my original post before I left: healthunlocked.com/headway/...

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12 Replies

  • Sorry DanJen but it isn't clear what exactly has happened. I'm guessing that a loved one has had some type of brain injury and you're struggling with what you think you should be feeling in the aftermath ??

    It's absolutely normal to experience any and every type of emotion after witnessing the often drastic changes in survivors of head injury, whether it be the result of an accident or of a brain haemorrhage/stroke tumour etc.

    It's also not uncommon to feel absolutely nothing, and that's usually a symptom of shock and the inability to process events which are, in all cases, traumatic. Often, the brain's way of trying to protect us is by going into 'denial' mode which is an involuntary attempt to escape from the situation, as in 'fight or flight'.

    Whatever the emotions you might, or might not, be feeling, I promise you will be familiar to most people here. But please post again and tell us some more about your situation so that we can identify a bit better with your predicament.

    This is a brilliant place for all things related to brain injury.

    Best wishes Cat x

  • I've just read through the other replies and am reminded that we've spoken to you before, after you told us the very tragic story of your partner.

    You certainly could be suffering from Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome which can range from feelings of severe aggression to complete emotional numbness.

    Please remember that this is almost certainly an emotional reaction which is out of your control, as described above & by others.

    Please keep posting here and updating us with how you're getting on. You've had an enormously traumatic time and are still suffering the loss of your beloved girlfriend. I remember last time wondering where you'd gone and how you must be feeling, so please stay with us this time DanJenn. Cat xx

  • I concur with what Cat has just said. Although I'm not quite sure to what your post relates, I can empathise with the 'feeling nothing' aspect of it. I posted on here some time ago that in a time of grief for myself and my family I actually felt nothing at all. Completely vacant, other than a simple hollow feeling, probably where grief should have resided.

    Apparently it's very common, don't feel guilty. But do post more and give us a little more background please.

    Best wishes,


  • Hi Danjen

    Welcome back. I do remember your post before and I and a lot of others responded to you. But then I realized that as soon as you had joined and posted that you left the site. We all hoped, and expressed that in messages, that you would come back. We also realized that because your post was locked to uses of Headway HealthUnlocked that you probably weren't even going to be able to be able to read the responses. Sadly they don't seem to be available now. Am I right in thinking you didn't receive them?

    My befuddled memory seems to recall a very sad and tragic situation of what happened to your girlfriend who you were living with. Was it that she had gone for a shower but it seemed to be taking longer than usual. You then had to break down the door and found her collapsed. I think the reason I remember this is because it was so very tragic that it stayed with me. I hope I am not confusing you with someone else but I think your girlfriend died of a brain haemorrhage caused by the ticking time bomb of an undiagnosed aneurysm?? I sincerely hope I have got this right as I don't want to cause you further distress and upset if I haven't and I hope you will, if I have got it wrong, brush it aside as just being a stupied woman with a brain injury.

    I am so pleased that you have come back as I am sure you will find us helpful and supportive. It is normal with grief to go through different stages and numbness/disbelief is very normal and to be expected. It is the minds ways of holding back on the overwhelming feelings of loss. But that will come.

    My best wishes to you and I hope you are still on this site and will receive the responses and if you feel able tell us again what has happened in case I am completely wrong.

  • Hi,

    I remember you and your post which I think was before Christmas. You very sadly lost your partner and your soulmate.

    I'm sure the way you are feeling is a form of protection until you are able to face what has happened.

    I think I said, on a previous post about, about getting help and counselling and now would be the best time to do it. What happened to you and your partner was devastating and you will need time to grieve and come to terms with it.

    It would be helpful to be able to work through your emotions with a professional and be helped with strategies to cope.

    So glad you have returned to this forum as I know people were concerned about you.

    You can share anything here and people have a wide range of experiences and personal stories to tell. I always find it so helpful.

    You take care xx

    PS What you said previously was honouring her memory, you said very positive things and you obviously loved her to bits!

  • Hi Danjenn,

    I do remember the tragic first posting of your devastating experience.

    I think you'll find many here that will know what you mean. Either from actual physical loss such as your sad experience or from the 'virtual' loss of someone who's personality or essence has been lost from injury.

    After any great loss such, as yours and certainly for me, there is quite naturally a great sense of emptiness and a total lack of emotion.

    The important thing to remember is that as long as you remember the real person that has past and I mean the real person, warts and all, they will never be truely gone.

    As in the other posts here, now is the right time for you to seek counciling as well as the support that can be gained from site such as this.

    As for your feeling of not honouring her by jumping on here to talk about it is wrong. You so obviously loved her dearly that a need to share both the loss and emotion is a mark of respect to how much you have lost.

    I truely hope that this will help a little and that soon the suffering for you will lessen. People will tell you it will get better over time and it will, however they forget to tell you that no matter how long it has been, when ever to sit and contemplate your loss, the pain will be there only it WILL be easier to cope with.

    For me, at least, it is more important to remember the whole person and what you've had and experienced together, both good and bad (for me it make them and keeps them the REAL person that you loved) rather than that dreadfully sad moment of loss.

    Many kind thoughts and best wishes


  • Danjen I have just found a way that you can read the previous post and responses if you haven't already been able too. If you click on 'all posts' at the top of the page on Headway HealthUnlocked you will then get a list of them all that have been posted on this site, then scroll down to the posts of 11 days ago. Your post 'My Story' is still accessible but has 'hidden' instead of Danjenn because you left the site. There are about 14 responses which you may find it helpful to read.

  • Hi,

    Thank you StrawberryCream for finding this. You can access the post quickly by clicking this link: healthunlocked.com/headway/...

    DanJenn, as Cat mentioned in the original post, you can give us a call at Headway if you would like to talk things through. Our details are 0808 800 2244 or helpline@headway.org.uk

    Best wishes,


  • Feeling numb, and emotionally drained is as far as i'm aware quite common, and not surprising really.

    I'm assuming this is the sad story of the beautiful girlfriend in the shower?

    I suspect that talking it though and not bottling it up will help in the long term.

  • Edited my post with a link to the original.

  • Thanks DanJenn for linking your previous post. We were all very concerned when you bolted and hope you would come back. Its good that you have felt ready to do just that. Hope you now feel able to stay with us and will find this site supportive and helpful.

    Best wishes


  • Hi Danjenn,

    I think you are so write, we are all here for different reasons. I come here to hear about others experience of Brain injury (BI) as it helps me deal with mine. Writing about mine, particularly my recovery has helped me, and I am arrogant enough to think what I have to impart, may help others cope with their BI. If coming here and off loading helps you, then I think you should carry on. I suspect it does, it is populated by many empathetic folk, who speak a deal of sense. use them, I am sure no one will mind; and as long as works for use, keep coming!

    Cheers Neal

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