Hey guys

[LukeB]

I went out last night...came back, had the hall light on while I was in the lounge and now things are bad (parents very unhappy with a light being on!). I can understand that but the anger, venom and unpleasantness is something I've probably always dealt with!

I'm slow at looking jobs. Nor do I know what job to do and where. And when I get this unpleasant feeling inside a job isn't the immediate solution!

I often think about ending it and more so when they're like this 😢

I lived with this my whole life and its since head injury I've realised it and its since then its got worse.

Dying because of them would be very sad but when your own parents are so nasty towards their own kids what's the point in anything.

I've been to China,thinking about Africa but what I need is a little place here. Somewhere calm and relaxing 😊not sure that is England but it could be 😊

When things like this morning happen it stays with me for a while. Probably because I live with them!

I was free in Shanghai but I wasn't happy. I'm not free now but and more happy!😊

Thanks

[StrawberryCream]

You are clearly describing an unhappy and difficult childhood which has now moved into your adult life. The reason you feel 'free' when you live abroad but not happy is because you have the 'issues' that you have had with your parents still with you. Sounds to me like you need to seek some longer term counselling/therapy to deal with these issues so then you are not troubled by it all so much. No amount of fleeing to other countries, or living independently in Uk is ever going to feel OK unless you deal with the things that are clearly causing you a lot of anger, resentment, distress etc. If this is how your parents have always treated you then your bi is not going to get there empathy and understanding. You cannot change them but you can change things in your life.

[LukeB in reply to StrawberryCream]

Brilliantly said. I'm waiting on the time to talk from the nhs!

Maybe I should use what money I have for some counseling, maybe not. What is counseling really and can you get the same or similar from tpfriends, lovers and people in general?

Meanwhile the shit continues and I feel I need to be out of here. There's no dealing with them when they're like this and even if I did stay and try and chat it would be two against one.

I feel sorry for them. I've mentioned mental issues before and that's a big no no😞

The countryside should give me some respite. Maybe a ufo will take me away!haha. Getting away is definitely good.

Thank you for your great reply

[StrawberryCream in reply to LukeB]

Yes counselling/psychotherapy is very different to talking to friends because the therapists are trained and experienced. Also they are someone neutral so that hopefully you feel more able to be open and honest about the things you want to explore with the therapist. It is confidential so takes away the worry that your friends may tell other friends etc. When talking to friends we tend to hold back on some things incase their response isn't helpful or we think that what we say may affect our friendship etc. The helpfulness of therapy depends on our openness and willingness to use the sessions to talk of the things that trouble us and think things through with them. They cannot just tell you what to do to fix your problems with the therapists support you reach your own decisions and understanding.

[LukeB in reply to StrawberryCream]

Thank you. Soo much. Today is a tough day.

a good partner is like a good counselor/therapist.

A field mouse has just appeared next to me!😊

I wish I could find somewhere I could just be 😊maybe I have 😉but I still go back to theirs tonight and suffer the anxiety/fear/stress/distress! I need to break free of that 🙏

Its taken me/it takes me a long time to realise things.

I have had counseling from headway (only six sessions and I was going back to China after then but I feel theres more I need to disorge/ disgourge(I don't know the spelling).

Thanks for your time. You're an Angel and doing good to help me ❤thank you

[steve55]

luke you need to gow a pair of balls and scream and shout at your parents and tell them youre not taking any fucking more!!!

i never swear on here because i have to take my time and think about what im going to say.

i think you need to go your gp and get a referal to a psychiatrist, nothing to freak out about i see one, they have the resourses to help.

i gave you advice last time which you said you would try, but ignored, this is the best yet, you cant run away forever

[LukeB]

It's the balls that hot me in trouble. I'm sorry you think I ignored your advice