Concussion Story: At a extreme Rock Bottom, in crisis- reaching out

[MountainGirl23]

Hello all,

Nice to meet you. Hope this is finding you well.

I joined here because I am really struggling. I've had 9 concussions. Been recovering from big one from 2021.. has been doing awesome! Really came a long way, then recently 2 weeks ago a extreme life change occurred and I got a concussion at my new job..

I am a complete broken record. I am extremely struggling with daily life. Has anyone experienced a complete reality change? That's something that's been my hardest struggle. I seriously am struggling, am scared for my future. I am living hour by hour with my body not working well. Dizziness, fatigue, major depression, foggy brain, slow slow brain, different reality, like in a simulation, Pain 24/7, unable to sleep well- 5 hours a night. I'm saying all this because I was wondering if anyone has any hardcore, deep, advice or words to share with me.

I am extremely struggling. I have support personally, but this battle is only one I can FEEL and that's why I'm reaching out. I'm 20 years old, I have a life I want to live. I feel stuck. I have felt suicidal. I don't feel any strength to get through living hell, BUT I want to PUSH I have the will--- I just feel so LOST and ALONE and BROKEN honestly.

I don't feel strong. Not at all, every second of the day is hard. (Every single second) I just pray that night comes so I can get some sleep, then I wake up wide awake at 5am miserably in pain. Mornings are the worst, the worst thing is EVERYTHING has changed. I don't know if you experienced that- like your reality is SLOWER and skewed... It is extremely frustrating and it seems like my life is OVER- which I know if false, but at the same time I feel so controlled by my dysfunction. I'm a go-getter, I'm a motivated woman- but I feel so defeated and I don't want to stay there.

Honestly I feel like where I am, just having someone to talk to about the experience would be nice. It's really hard because you look normal on the outside but your internal world is a mess.... I sound like a broken record, I am right now I'm going to be honest. I'm scared. I'm scared I can't remember things. That time is moving like I'm in a simulation. I'm scared that my body isn't working well. I'm mad. I'm all these things.

I'm gonna be flat out honest: I don't know who I am anymore....

Any advice or words of reassurance I would be so grateful for.

Blessings to all of you and I do hope you are well and having a successful recovery.

- MountainGirl

[Beachlovingkiwi]

hey I too feel really stuck at the moment seems like I keep just burning out - doing the old boom and bust cycle but things that I used to be able to do even last year seem harder at the moment. I’m really thinking of a complete change in occupation - I’m a kindy teacher and have just changed to younger kids which I’m not coping with. I guess what I’m saying is you are not alone - this recovery business is hard and to be honest shit….. however we have to believe that it will get better small steps but it will improve . It’s sometimes one step forward two back but then suddenly it’s 3 steps forward. Can I suggest some mindfulness- yoga, meditation?? Think I need these too at the moment. Also acceptance I am slowly accepting that maybe my passion for early childhood education needs to take a break as I’m coming home exhausted after just 4 hours 😬 and my family are getting the shit me. Not sleeping is hard and makes it all so much harder - I had a rough night and my head is currently burning 🥵 have you asked for or tried sleeping pills? Magnesium sleep work well for me and melatonin even worked for a bit - just to get some sleep.

I know what you mean about having someone to talk too I have kinda shut lots of my family out and they think I’m doing ok but really my husband knows how much of a struggle it all is but even he doesn’t fully understand how can you unless you have been through it or are going through it?? I can seriously see how some people end up depressed over it all as I feel like unless I make a major change I’ll head down that path .

Life is about making memories with the ones you love so I’m beginning to see that work is not as meaningful as my family and I need to get better so these memories can be made . I thought that work made me who I am and in some sense it did before but I need to invent a new me the post head injury me.

Anyway please reach out if you want to chat ans know that you are not alone and you will get through this xoxox

[MountainGirl23 in reply to Beachlovingkiwi]

Thank you for your reply. 🙏 Everyone's feedback means so much to me right now as I am struggling with living. Blessings to all.

[cat3]

Hi MountainGirl. It isn't surprising that you're struggling after only two weeks. Concussion can take months to heal and, right now, pushing harder is the last thing you should be doing. Struggling to get through each day is an indication of your brain needing much more rest and quiet-time to allow healing.

But I'm wondering how you've sustained so many head injuries throughout your young life ; what type of work do you do ?

I get how much life a 20 year old wants to embrace but please, get help with sleeping, either from temporary homeopathic sleeping aids such as Nytol or Valerian Root, or by speaking with your GP.

And arrange for less hours, or reduced duties, at work. Pushing will only increase the fatigue, brain fog and other unpleasant sensations.

Look after yourself m'love ; eat healthily, drink LOTS of water and take short walks, plus get help with sleep and take regular breaks throughout the day when needed.

Cat x

[MountainGirl23 in reply to cat3]

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. Reading all these are helping at my hardest moments. I keep hearing kind words and I cannot explain how much that means to me. THANK YOU. I'm trying to rest and be way way nicer to myself/ figure out how do I get through this day? ..... One step at a time I guess....

[WonderingWanda]

MountainGirl you sound desperate and I know you sound in despair right now. Forget whatever came before and what you did to recover last time. This needs to be started from scratch. Right now you just need to stop thinking about the past and the future. One has gone by and cannot be changed and the other is not yet known.

Be gentle with yourself and don’t panic or catastrophise about what is happening. Right now you are breathing and able to write and to see and hear. Just breathe. Stay still and rest. You need several more weeks before you can even begin to crawl back any kind of plan.

You probably do t have the mental energy for counselling yet, get some recharge done first. One step at a time.

Waiting is the hardest thing but if you push on and try to make changes happen you will make it worse.

I speak from experience!

Now limit your online time and just dip in for a short while each day. The rest of the time you should sit and look at clouds and trees and listen to birds. That’s it for now.

[MountainGirl23 in reply to WonderingWanda]

Thank you for your kind reply. I hold on to it dearly. Forgetting the past is the hardest part but I greatly appreciate your words. THANK YOU. One step.......

[SatNamYoga]

Ahh all sounds very frustrating. Yoga meditation indeed is one way. I haven't tried but the helpline here seems to be a good source of talk therapy too where they understand TBI. Acceptance is a big part , sometimes we're just not able to do as much as we could pre TBI. Do seek professional help in terms of talking therapy even if for short term. Sending Light and Recovery blessings.

[MountainGirl23 in reply to SatNamYoga]

Thank you. I deeply appreciate your reply. Yes, it's a nightmare in reality I feel like. I deeply am thankful for your ideas. Acceptance is a big part.

[Hidden]

I can relate to your pain emotions etc. 9 concussions worries me. Due your have a neurologist physical therapist speech therapist? What about a therapist orneuropsycholoigist? I ask because I had this. After a tbi neuroplasticty begins. Healing reorganization etc. I new this and understood it was critical to regain my health. I had a craniotomy may 2014.abcess in left temporal lobe due to bacterial meningitis of my brain. I was close to death septic in multi organ failure ona vent. Wishing you healing. I was 53 when this happened to me. Now 63. I drive walk have 2 ESAs - dogs. I had a seizure risk from the surgery but have remained Seizure free 9 1/2 years.

[Roundhead1974]

I get when you said you don't know who you are anymore...I always say that I look in the mirror and look the same on the outside..but on the inside I have changed...

Took me a long time to come to terms with I am different now.that isn't always a bad thing..it's about trying to be positive and being the best that you can be.

I have been really down about what is my life going to be like now and what about my friends and love ones that knew me before?

The thing is if they are not around and understanding then you will meet new people that do understand you.it will take time but you will get there.

You have been through alot and people don't realise unless they have been through.

Do what you can do in your time and your way.you get one life so live it.take care and good luck 👍

[MountainGirl23 in reply to Roundhead1974]

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. 🙏

[catrabb1t]

Hi there, sorry you are feeling so bad. Others on here have given some great replies to you, very helpful.

I wonder about depression. With you getting another concussion that has affected your health and new job it would be of no surprise. You are struggling with awful symptoms.

My mention of depression is for you to speak to HEADWAY about if you want to because your most recent concussion was only a few weeks ago and they can help you unpick how you are feeling and gain their insight. Headway know of all the symptoms of (recurrent) concussion, depression and can be very helpful in listening and supporting you.

Dont suffer alone at night time if you are distressed. Symptoms typically feel worse at night if panicked and feeling desperate. Phone the Samaritans - they are invaluable. I wish you well.

[MountainGirl23 in reply to catrabb1t]

Thank you for your reply. I deeply appreciate everyone's feedback on here. I have reached out to professional help regarding depression and it's been very helpful talking on a crisis line. I appreciate YOU. Thank you. It's insane the amount of goodness I am receiving when I am feeling at my most lowest. Blessings.

[catrabb1t in reply to MountainGirl23]

Thank you. Blessings to you too. Most people on here feel enormous relief with the connection on here with others. No where else in society gets what we go through because it is under-educated in the medical world and hidden disabilities (including those due to environmental factors) are misunderstood even by those closest to us. Depression is awful and sometimes the person doesnt recognise their own depression so it is reslly good you are getting support. All I would say is that the support for depression might underestimate your concussion symptoms because they wont be specialist in that area. As long as you know that and gain help and support for the depression then you still benefit. I hope you do not feel as desperate as you were. But from my experience, this life is a roller coaster and it is ups and downs on the hour... Take good care.

[MountainGirl23]

Thank you to everyone who shared their kind words with me. It means the world to me. I keep reading these over and over. I keep the words.. "One step at a time.." lodged into my heart. Blessings to all.

......

We must persevere..... with heart and mind we dredge on...

Bless you all, talk more soon.