Unsure

[Matt2584]

I feel like my BI has given me more physical problems rather than mental.

My hippocampus I like to think is in good nick.

I don't usually have problems with anger. I used to get frustrated more easily about things but I have kind of filtered a lot of that now. And it probably helps more being a simpleton :).

I mainly have trouble with my balance and fatigue and partly my speech. I might forget something here and there but not all the time.

I can have trouble processing what somebody has said to me. I rarely speak on the phone because depending on whose talking to me, I can have trouble... even if it's a robot (automated call) :).

When talking face to face, I am normally OK at listening to what a person says but for me it all depends on background noise as well. If I were in a crowded place and someone was talking to me, chances are I wouldn't hear a word of it.

Sometimes when a person might be talking to me and my mum, they might say something that I interpreted completely different to what my mum heard and it leaves me thinking "Is it me or am I going barmy?".

Or she might even say something to me that I have heard completely differently.

I did say to me folks when I was younger that when I get older, I am going to feel the affects more with my BI.

[Hidden]

Hi Matt

I would say some of the things you describe come under cognitive deficits, like processing speech etc.

I think I know what you mean tho, as some of us have significant memory, recognition, processing problems. I guess we are affected differently, depending on numerous factors.

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Hedgy,

Yes, cognitive deficits. There was a lady who once described cognitive thinking at my local Headway. It is like the cogs whirring in your head. Your brain takes a little longer to figure something out. Sometimes when talking to somebody and trying to figure out how I am going to word it might take a little longer. My Dad is a pretty uptight person and it is liks stepping on eggshells when talking to him sometimes and this makes my brain work more, which I suppose is why I don't talk to him much. But talking to my Mum or anybody else I feel comfortable with, the words mostly spill out :).

I should start taking some Omega 3 :).

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

That makes sense. If you are anxious and feel intimidated by the person, it is likely to make any word finding problems etc worse.

As a young child I stuttered badly, to the extent that I hardly spoke to anyone. As an adult if I was stressed or felt intimidated by a person the stutter would return - and this was before I had brain damage!

[cat3]

I used to be good at drawing 'uptight' folk out of their silences but not any more. My word recall is so poor since the bi that I often give up what I'm trying to say in the middle of a sentence. So with someone who's withdrawn, it can easily develop into a collective and embarrassing silence.

I'm sorry you feel it's like walking on eggshells with your dad Matt. I had a similar situation with my dad 'til I left home aged 22 and it can really wear you out ; and in those days I didn't have brain issues as you did/do, so I really feel for you. xx

[Matt2584 in reply to cat3]

I can be a quiet, withdrawn person at times but I have a bl***y good excuse :).

My Dad is not a very understanding/sympathetic person really and if I were to say that in a social setting I can quite quiet at times but that is mainly to do with my BI. He would doubt me and say "I don't think its that, I can be quiet as well". But I have watched in a social setting and sometimes you can't shut him up haha. See, my Dad talks out his a***, all the time as well, and he always makes things, such as my BI, sound like a gentic problem. This is just one of the many problems I do not converse with him much :).

[Danslatete]

I asked mt fella a question last night, then I had to ask what I had just said because I had no idea what I did say. Things like that still annoy me after 10 years!

I don't like phone calls as I have to work so much harder at working out the answers, I have to take the phone outside sometimes if there is too much going on inside, ok in summer but a bit chilly in winter!

The worst thing I find is not working out what cash I need in shops, I give way too much or not enough just because I don't hear it properly!

I really struggle in busy places and in rooms full of people all talking I seem to get a big mix of everyone conversation and nothing makes sense.

[Matt2584 in reply to Danslatete]

You sound similar to me when it comes to crowded places and noise.

[angelite]

Hi Matt,

I too thought at first that I had come through illness with only physical effects-until the memory and multitask problems surfaced.Still I am lucky that I feel as I used to in my personality-no depression,anxiety,anger issues(other than short of patience in v.early recovery-fatigue connected I think,trying to do too much too fast-typical !)In fact I am more chilled now than pre illness-I have had to learn to be as I can't change my abilities-only work with what I have.As Hedgehog mentioned,I get the stuttering ,worse when fatigued-so frustrating and hate to hear myself doing it-must be awful for the recipient!I can understand others fine,just struggle a bit if they talk quietly or with background noise(tinnitus) so processing good.I seem to have developed a kind of predictive text when it comes to reading-I start to read a word and my head jumps in with a similar but very wrong replacement!There have been some funny out of context moments with this!Not sure if this related or just age taking its toll on my eyes! : )

[Matt2584 in reply to angelite]

Yes! Tinnitus. My family, mainly the male side, my Dad and his Dad had it. I think my Nan has it as well actually. They can hear background noises more easily but cannot here you even if you were 2 feet away :). I to have trouble with this. I could be in a social setting and I could hear more background noise than foreground. My Dad would say it is a genetic thing, he does not understand BI cos he hasn't got one, but I am thinking that it's both genetic and BI. He needs to cut me some slack, not every problem I have, minor or not, is genetic. The brain controls the whole body and it's like he doesn't know that.

[RogerCMerriman]

That all sounds like brain not physical problems even if like balance the effect is physical but the cause is brain.

[Matt2584 in reply to RogerCMerriman]

The cognitive side and balance is brain but I'm talking more about my speech and right eye which were cause by damaged central nervous system. If a person were to see me in the street they would see me sturggling to walk and would most likely see me as a drunk. As for the weak muscles in my face, some people couldn't explain, they might put me down as disabled. Most people are ignorant though and wouldn't care about the reason, they just prefer to stare.

[RogerCMerriman in reply to Matt2584]

Central nervous system is the brain or at rather brain/spinal cord, is the central nervous system.

If i'm reading your posts right, the paralysis re your face/eyes which would also effect your speech, are from the shunt from your first OP? ie brain.

I do get the fact that it the physical manifestations that probably effect you the most. and it's quite visable or at least you feel it is?

oddly the being invisible can be very irritating it's self, since people will not take it ito account.

early last year I could see people trying to work me out, my balance was poor, and I probably looked confused. i'm sure initially they thought i was drunk, but as they watched me could see them getting confused as they dismissed that idea. Had young folks come up and offer help a number of times.

expecting the public to understand every disablity/difficulty is simply unrealistic. on the whole people are good, but people react badly when they are scared.

[Matt2584 in reply to RogerCMerriman]

I'm a little confused because my brain tumour was/is located on the brain stem and was told surgeons had to brush past nerves to get to the tumour. It was the bruising of the nerves that gave me weak muscles. I assumed that these nerves was the central nervous system but sounds like I was wrong.

I do have a slight right-sided paralisys and was told this was brought on because of the bruised nerves that I called the CNS, but was wrong. My shunt lies on the right side of my body but I don't think that is the reason of the paralisys. I remember, I had the shunt installed first and was still pretty good afterwards and then I had the tumour operated on and that is when I experienced weak muscles.

Expecting the public to understand disabilities in unrealistic but should not be unrealistic.

[RogerCMerriman]

well it's a good a explanation as any Matt. sadly nerve/brain damage doesn't heal well.

there are a lot of disablities out there, would you know Coffin–Lowry syndrome from Fucosidosis? very few would and there is no reason why they should.

[Matt2584]

Nope, nerve damage does not heal well at all. I was told that a severed nerve can never repair itself but a bruised nerve... Well the docs could not tell. They said it could take years and looks like they could be right. I'm thinking more along the lines of the rest of my natural life. Oh well. It just means that I am even more unique than the rest :).

I have no idea what Coffin-Lowry syndrome is or Fucosidosis, they sound more like curse words, especially the latter :).