My wife does not feel the same about me anymore

[Chefkilly]

After 6 weeks living sort my wife has explained how she feels or does not feel about me now.

Living with encephalitis and having had no follow up care for so long has virtually destroyed all her feelings for me

I have been tough to live with and vice a versa

Although she says she still cares for me, and it does feel like she does she has admitted that she does not know if she loves me anymore. As she says she has put up barriers around her to protect her and does not know how or what she feels for me.

After 13 years together that’s tough to hear

The main focus now is our kids, how do we get them to understand and to get them not used to daddy being around ?

[cat3]

It was my choice many years ago to split with my husband and, whereas my daughter (then 11) was fine with it, my son (7) was bereft, and troubled for some time afterwards.

But kids are more adaptable then adults and their agendas are very different. Reassuring them that it's not their fault (my son cried and promised not to be naughty ever again if his dad & I stayed together) and establishing a firm routine of contact can ease little minds. Also, keeping them separate from any animosity between mum & dad is vital for their peace of mind.

There's no avoiding the upset after 13 years (mine was 12) but it's amazing how soon they're able to adapt. Mine both thank me now for their happy childhoods.

I'm sorry your relationship is so threatened since your BI ; It's sadly all to common for partners to struggle with the changes.

Wishing all of you the best possible outcome going forward.

Cat x

[sealiphone]

The truth, kids are incredibly robust if they know what's going on. From what you say it appears amicable so ensure your children have days with you including holidays away, if they're at school you should both go along together to parent's evenings etc.

I'm sure your children are the most important thing if you and your wife just work around that principle, with a commitment to be reasonable the chances of sucess will be much better. I've seen this work with a number of friends. Others get overwhelmed by the emotion of it all and it turns into a Global Conflict. Don't be critical about each other to the kids in fact explain things in a way which lends support to your ex.

Try and have a united front and never criticise each other if a child is in dispute with one of you. If your able to do all this your child will be in a stable environment and can still thrive and be happy, tears at first for sure but then stability.

[Chefkilly]

Thank you fir your reply. Our daughters behaviour is really bad at the moment. And when I see her or try to put her to bed when I see her it gets worse which upsets all of us and my wife and I can not ha sleep it. Lack of support means I am forced to go private something I will do 1000 times over to put our family back together something which my wife says she wants ?!

[Chefkilly]

Thank you we are trying, my daughters behaviour is very bad at the moment which makes thing worse !

[Hidden]

Hey man

Listen, I'm not going to talk like everyone else and comfort you about your children. I, along with 99% of adults in the Western World have had or will have something awful happen in our lives. I'm in no way saying 'suck it up', but I can relate to you man and this is my path, but it definitely doesn't have to be yours:

11+ years ago I met this girl (I was 19, she 31) and I fell for her man, I really did. We moved in together, spent everyday together and planned our future together.

Same love story - different day. We moved to the US where I'm originally from and it was full steam ahead. 3 years later after a stint in Antibes, France - she was diagnosed with cervical cancer.

Surgery and all that palava later and we both believed it was a chapter in her life that will turn to distant memory.

Cancer came back x2 times and in the end she had procedure after procedure causing her to thankfully be cancer-free, but at the expense of literally losing all the parts they can take leaving her with no 'love' hormones. No kisses, no hugs, no nice words and no 'sex'.

As*holes would put all of those things first and while I'll put my hands up and acknowledge I can be the biggest as*hole sometimes, I stood by her side, never cheated and supported her in any way I could.

4 1/2 years later and I'm 29 and after having a very serious motorcycle accident; I grew emotionally and mentally to where I realised the 'emotional gaping hole' inside me was hindering my 'recovery'. So as much as I will always love her, I moved to Cordoba last month and I'm learning how to find my own two feet.

You have kids that you obviously adore and want only the best for. Dad's like you especially these days are few and far between. As your kids get older and as a result of you raising them right, they will pick up on a host of emotions and from the outside looking in the last thing you want as a loving Dad - is for your kids to get confused and fill their heads with negative ideas/thoughts.

I don't know you and you don't know me so all I can try to suggest is that you find thing/s that at her core make her, her and if you can remind her of those things maybe it'll help her see you again as the man she fell madly for.

Good luck with all of this & I sincerely hope it works out.