Stop the World, I Want to Get Off

Well, I don't actually at the moment because today's a good day. Not every day is good.

In two day's time it'll be the 6 month anniversary of my Fall. I've capitalised it because it's a big, big day in my life and deserves the proper recognition.

I fell down the stairs in my house. Simple as. Whilst walking up the stairs with a takeaway on a plate. Luckily the plate survived the ordeal and the dogs enjoyed the food. I wasn't so fortunate. Physical stuff, back was temporarily stuffed but is now ok for shortish periods, but my head had a hole in it. I don't remember hitting my head, I do remember saying to my OH "I think I'd better go to bed now," and laying in bed, crying my eyes out. I know I crawled up the bottom stairs, I must have crawled up the second flight also to get into bed, but I don't remember doing so.

The physical pain and the blood on my pillow the following morning were proof positive that "something" had happened. But hey, I could walk - albeit slowly and painfully - and I could talk; that's gotta be good, right? OH tried his best to get me to agree to go to hospital but there was no way I was going to let that happen. Me + hospital = a mahoosive no, unless I'm at death's door. It hasn't happened yet. In truth, the thought of being admitted to hospital scares me more than being caught in a fire. Seriously. That's going some.

The physical i.e. bodily stuff healed - mostly - in two months or so. I doubt the inside of a gym will see me for more than ten minutes at a time but hey - that'll be ten minutes more than the rest of my life in any case.

The rest of it is mine forever.

I used to enjoy cooking and good food. Cooking is now an adventure because I have no clue whether I've added too few / too many herbs or spices; the OH dreads me making a chilli. I've already put on weight because, when you can't smell or taste, you may stop being selective with your eating habits and just eat to fuel your body. Long walks are a thing of the past too: sitting on my backside is far less painful and a day playing on-line games and watching TV works just fine.

Except it doesn't, not really.

I'm annoyed, angry, frustrated and thankful, all at once. My head is fully aware that I was lucky to escape with the injuries I did. My emotions sometimes tell me that it shouldn't be like this. *Sometimes* is the coolest word. For me, it means that when I'm feeling down, I won't feel like this forever.

Today is a good day, I've done some decorating in the house, sorted out some stuff to be binned. A minor thing for most people. Tomorrow may be different. I guess we have to live for today.

5 Replies

  • sorry there is no getting off this ride due to measure taken by the health and safety executive, please fasten your seatbelt and keep you hands inside the car, there maybe some turbulence and unexpected turns, along with extreme ups and downs and harsh braking.

    thank you for choosing the headinjury express amusement ride, your ride will end eventually :) :)

  • I'm up for the ride...providing there are no tunnels of fire along the way as I'm not sure I can remember how to use a fire extinguisher

    Your reply made me smile, thank you.

  • you're welcome, smiling is good therapy :)

  • Hi. Please read my home page.

    I had a fall 9 months ago, simple accident in the kitchen which had big and complicated consequences.

    You will go through every emotion thinkable along the way, and others will struggle to understand you and your injury. Take comfort from the good days and know that the bad days will pass. The good days will get more and the bad less, but it all takes time.

    My GP said to me yesterday:

    "we can write a whole volume of books about what we don't know or understand about brain injury, and show only a small leaflet of what we do know. Anything is possible, and we see unexpected recovery on a daily basis however improbable it seemed".

    I still have a long way to go, and recovery seems so slow. But when I look back months (as opposed to days or weeks) I can see where I have come.

    Best of luck, and let me know more if you need to chat.


  • Hey Billybb, thank you for responding to me.

    I read your page and really do feel for you, it's an awful thing to happen. Your wife must have been terrified. OH said to me the following day that, when he saw me lying there, he thought I was dead. I forget sometimes how much this has changed his life too, too focused on how different now things are for me. Not a good thing. I'm guessing I just slipped; there were no previous indications that anything was wrong, meaning I'm assuming I didn't black out or anything. Not that it matters as the result would have been the same whatever the cause.

    This may sound odd, but I'm not actually especially concerned about my condition improving. It's difficult to explain. It's like....this is how it's going to be for me so, ok, I just need to learn how best to still get the most out of my life. It doesn't stop me crying, certainly doesn't stop me remembering how things used to be and wishing I was back there, even just for one day, but it's....bearable, is probably the best word I can use to sum it up. Some days are hard to get through, but I've spent my life being positive and, for the most part, I'm still trying to do the same.

    Your remark about recovery seeming so slow made me smile. Yep, day to day, the improvements don't register with me but, thinking back to 3 months ago when the 5 minute walk to the village shop took me 4 times that long...I'm getting better. Slowly, but I am.

    Thank you, really, for your comments: they have helped greatly.

    Wishing you luck on your journey also, and always here if you need a chat x

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