Oh HealthUnlocked. Before it happened, 13 years ago, I was driven, passionate, focussed and interested in my areas of focus. Those areas were in brain research (yes, the irony) and painting.
Now things are very different. I don't know where I can concentrate on now - research career lost, not sure where to turn.
My husband just caught me with my hand inside a cereal packet eating. Not because I'm hungry but a yearning for sugar. I've doubled in weight since my TBI. I've been trying to diet for the whole time since my injury and failed. Apparently some of the pills I'm on can cause huge weight gains so I'm slowly decreasing the dose I'm on. So I'm more sore.
In truth I feel very despondent. It's as though I'm eating in order to destroy the remnants of hope I have for the future. But I can't maintain the discipline to control myself. When I feel down on a normal day, I eat tasty food which makes me feel a little better while I eat it. But it's not constructive, far from it.
How did I end up this way? How did my life suddenly change in an instant, to someone whose self esteem is rock bottom. If only I could muster the drive and control that I had before I fell down those stairs on 11th September 2008...