But despite that fact....... moffy and I have decided to open a beauty salon... Pedicures manicures, hair extensions , cuts and colours... Nails false and real ... Waxing you name it we plan to offer it.... Massages. Spray tanning .... Customers and salon workers are urgently required as, Foggy now knowing what a vajazzle is has invested in a hot glue gun and is eager to decorate her first and I have borrowed Moffys false teeth and will be running the fish pedicure.... So roll up and offer your talents.... Or enter at your peril for some dubious pampering.. 
Beauty school drop out...... - Fibromyalgia Acti...
Beauty school drop out......
41 Replies
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I am here the beauty frim scandinavia I have come to england to learn about zi new vajazzle vill somebody train me so I can applie zis to peeps! Ya oh Yah 
and orso I like zi water sessions I ave ze very good handles mi man Manfred he days nobody has handles like me!
siega aka xgins
You have come to just the right place.... And foggy is willing to share her hot glue gun... So if we don't get any guinea pigs...... I mean customers.... You and foggy can practice on each other.....
sue32 in reply to
I'll be your guinea pig girls!! XXXX
on each oser who is zit foggy wis I like? In my village I am zi girl wiz the big promotion zay are all so pleased for me I give ze good massage No xgin
Ohhh I am sure you will love foggy.... Perhaps if she teaches you to vajazzle you could teach her to massage...... Am trying to drag ... Erm persuade moffy to enter.....
Will someone tell that Swedish chick that you don't stick vajazzles on yer peeps, you stick 'em on yer ... well ... you know! She sounds dangerous to me!
I volunteer to do the hot (very hot!) waxing, and I'll have a bash at the spray tans, too. I'll bring my own Bisto
VG - get rid of the shark in the fish pedicure tank, it'll eat the piranhas, and they cost a fortune! VG? Where are you, VG? OMG, that shark's licking it's lips! 
Grins at moffy showing Moffys her own false teeth... I have put on a little weight this last week ... But to describe me as a shark.... Well.... How rude.... I am just big finned... Plus I have been munching on a lot of dead skin ... It's seems to make you bloat and your false teeth are getting blunt....
Yours sulking and spitting out dead skin
I did not understand where you stuck them oops I feel very sad whats sis about fish you have big fish we only have ze little gobblers ze ones that nibble ze dead meat away nibble nibble.
I am up for ze spray tans ooh yes sa are so cool.
But really also teeth need whitening I can do sat for you bleach is goot
Hands seiga (gins) some industrial strength bleach and a comfy chair....
Oh thank goodness, it's you VG! I thought the shark had eaten my friend, but it was you all the time. Maybe we'd better have a slimming salon as well!
Seiga, don't put that bleach in the tanning spray - you're supposed to use Bisto! Oh look at that poor woman - she's bright white all over with brown teeth! What a mix up - never mind offer her a free vajazzle - a big one, that'll cover it up!
Sinks into comfy chair and soaks feet in bleach.
Foggy is late.. Oh heck .... Ummm I have it ... Cuts a heart shaped piece out of the back of Moffys sequinned top ......Don't worry moffy you look ok from the front and glues the heart shaped sequin patch to the poor customer .....
Sorted... you look unique. Modom... Takes cash and rushes customer out of the shop......l
Lady Tradascanthie Plink-basket here. I would lije to try one of your vajazzles but there is not much left to work with. Not only thinning hair on the od bonce doncha know.
No problem Lady Plink- basket... Once seiga ( gins) has finished glittering sequining and diamanté- ing you will be able to spin naked from the ceiling like a disco glitter ball.... She's very thorough
Gets large, curly ginger wig from store room and glues it to Lady Limp-Biskit's vajazzling area. There you go, Yer Ladyship, makes the old knickers a bit tight, but we all have to suffer for beauty's sake!
Excellent. I also have a curly ginger wig so if I wear it I will have collar and cuffs matching.
One satisfied customer .... Roll roll up more customers and staff required.... lady Plink- basket will give glowing testimonial
With that shade of ginger, it would have to be glowing - it's positively radioactive!
Jilly gets out the garden clippers and gets ready to start giving her first pedicure. She suspects that VG might not be too keen to have one as she is backing out of the door saying she nneds to go check if Moffy's phone is ringing. Jilly waits patiently for her return
I have returned.... What a wonderful tool you have there .. Admires shiney garden clippers....
Holds out her fins for trimming.... It ok it wasn't Moffys phone ringing ...she was just choking on her breakfast . So I gave her a whack on the back and am ready to be cured...... No no I mean pedicured
Right you are guys - here I am, sleeves rolled up and ready for action! I can offer facials using my own home made products (don't tell the punters, but its just el cheapo moisturiser from the budget shop with some air freshener sprayed in it to make it smell exotic)
I can also curl eyebrows and pluck eyelashes.
Roll up, roll up - who's going first?
Business is a bit slow - I wonder why?
I am having my fins trimmed... But would love a facial after ... Do you want me to remove Moffys teeth first......????
in reply to
I could try the eyebrow curlers on them - do you think she'd notice
It'sh very diffculth to shpeak wid Curly teef! 
Whatever you do don't smile for the camera and then upload that to any online dating sites....
Rofl
Drops a sick note through the door and departs to bed with a migraine.
Poor Foggie, you'll have to be admitted to Matron Moffy's Nursing Home for Distressed Gentlefolk - of which more later
It's a wonderful place, no one has ever left its doors alive - er - I mean without being totally cured!
Hope you feel better soon, we're relying on you to feed the pedicure fish and to arrange the flowers!
Moffy x
Do you cater for distressed dogfish too.... Am looking forward to being treated... When will the doors open ?????
Yours in need of nursing ... Ok ok
Yours wanting to be Waited on hand and foot
VGx
You'll receive a warm welcome - I have just employed a specially trained hand and foot waiter! I got him cheap from a guy called Frank Enstein.
He was cheap 'cos he's got three hands and five feet, but that's just the thing for a hand and foot waiter, don't you think?
Matron Moffy x
in reply to ladymoth
Is that the same as a handyman and a footman rolled into one?
Got it in one, Kaz - it's because of the Government cuts. I'm getting two and a half employees for one National Minimum Wage. Pukkah
Now we know you employ slave labour I hope this will be reflected in your prices
Yours scrimpingly from Skegness 
I'll definitely give you Mates Rates if you enter my hallowed portals VG! How about a weekly fee of £60,000,000, plus expenses of course?
Polishes cash register and arranges off-shore investments.
For that price I will expect two bedrooms one for me and one spare ... I shall be arriving as soon as you open .
Hhhhuuugfhhh. ............. what day is it?
Tuesday
in reply to
Tuesday? OMG! What happened to Monday?
complaint form
I was attended by a person from the nordic area today.
she said "where for is dazzling your jiggle?"
I said above the lady garden. she disappeared for 2 hours,
said "is done"charged my credit card £20 and left.
I called what about my...? she shouted "go home"
on arriving home EVERY tree in the garden in front of my house has a heart full of jewels on it !!!!
I expect a full refund!
mrs beaton
Ooops. Just de-finned VG with the chippers. Do you think superglue would help reattach them? Panic over Frank Enstein says he can use the bits. That's good, I hate waste.
I would have replied sooner but had to wait in for a delivery of fin extensions... So sorry Sandra ... To get rid of the offending jewels on your trees I have sent a tree surgeon to chop them all down ... I have asked him to use jilly s garden clippers to blunt them so she can do no further damage
Darn it ! And Homebase don't have any more .
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