has to be done:(

i know karmas going to get me for this but im having to say goodbye to my partner of two years and no theres nobody else like hes shouted at me its me ive gotten stronger since my divorce and want peace and thats not what im feeling the way ive been living :( sure hes the most kindest person and has been fantastic when ive had my bad days but if u know what im saying its not right something is not there , i wanted to write it done so as i dont feel such a bitch hes fuming with me but im sick adn tierd of not doing anything just home all the time never takes me anywhere i feel like im just windling life away :( does this make sense? sorry to be personal guys ....

14 Replies

  • If it isn't right, it isn't right. I wish I'd done the same. Now, after 9+ years of marriage, we've ended up in a right old mess. I can't begin to tell you how hard I've tried, for how long. And it is ending in divorce anyway. So, in my opinion, you're better to end it now, if it doesn't feel right. And I know exactly what you mean about wanting peace. Me too. As hard as it is to deal with it all right now, the thing that keeps me sane is the thought that when it's all over, I can be on my own, and find some peace. In the meantime, I have a horrible situation to deal with, and I'm trying to be really calm about it (not easy), look after myself, not rush decisions, etc etc. Trying to work through the mire would be hard on anyone, but combined with fibro it's awful. And I'm really scared that I'm going to have a major flare. But even that will be better than continuing in what has become an unbearable situation.

    So be strong, be kind to yourself, and believe that you know what's best for you. And it'll be better for your partner too, rather than spend another 6 months, or 5 years, or whatever, in a doomed relationship!

    Good luck with it.



  • Aw fairytails,sorry to hear you are hving a rotten time just now.Only you will know if you really want to finish your relationship n if u cannot see a future together. then you must move on.But please make sure you have talked all your options through together. As this fm can sometimes cause us terrible foggy brains n we just sometimes go off on one,please try and talk to a friend who knows the both of u,and can help. wat ever you decided take care fee :)

  • thanku fee xx but this has been in my head for about a year now! even when we got engaged i knew it was not right but thankyou xxx

  • thankyou kaz and im so sorry to hear what ur going through i really am been through that after 27 yrs of marriage and i think the trouble is i remember the good times of that relationship and cant let it go even after two years of being with my partner sad i know but i really have tried i just cant stand it when he trys to lay the law down i hate him for it its all my stuff in my apt that i pay for ( yes he does pay housekeeping ) but i still find it hard to say ours ! cant do it after struggling to build up what i lost in divorce ! i know i admit im materialistic but i like nice things and to see them taken for granted grinds me ! and he has this thing where he just shouts! well cant stand that either no time for it! so i know in my heart its right xx thanku for making me feel better and if u ever want to let off steam conatct me xxalexandra xx

  • Thanks Fairytails, and I probably will. Right now I think I'm still a bit in shock. We agreed to finally call it a day about 2 weeks ago, and then after that I started finding out all kinds of stuff, that has left me reeling. I think it's starting to sink in more now though - I've been quite tearful today.

    And for you too, if you need to let off steam, then contact me.

    Take care of yourself.



  • If it is not meant to be hun then it won't be. But I am assuming making the decision alone has left you low and worn down. But if you feel the decision is the right one then no one can stand in your way or put you down for it. I hope things get better for you and you find the peace of mind you have been searching for xxxxxx

  • So sorry to hear what's happening Fairytails, but if it's not right for you and you have those feelings, it's probably for the best. You will look back and know you've made the right decision for you, you've thought about it for a long time by the sound of it. You haven't just made a rash decision to quit. You need to move on to live your life the way you feel you need to, which is your right and is fair enough.

    Please know that we are here for you always, we understand and will do everything we can to try to help and support you along the way.

    Take care my dear. (((hug))) xxx

  • xx thnku xx

  • Hi Fairytails

    I am reading this and feeling for you as, although I am a bloke I think that any relationship where one is 'trying to lay down the law' is going to have problems. Both my wife and myself feel that things need talking about, as we do not always see eye to eye but we end up either discussing them or we agree to disagree and carry on.

    Life is to short and this is no practice run, what we have is what we make of it, like marriage - for better or worse.

    Make it better, maybe you can start again with the dating bit and make the rules for both of you not just the one (although him shouting seems to be the nail in the coffin)

    Alternatively start again, go see your friends and family or people you like to see, you are free now so be free and do as you want. All those people who you have not seen because 'he' did not like them, all those old friends that you have lost touch with, get in touch with them (Google their name and follow the links until you find them)

    Life is for living and just because you are not well does not mean you have to be a hermit.

    Best of luck in the future and kindest regards


  • thankyou terry i will discuss it with him but trouble is he said hes not changing he feels im trying to mould him into something else ! maybe i am thats why its not fair on him x

  • Poor you,if something isn't right in your relationship then staying together is often just another nail in the coffin. Keep strong and remember that nobody knows you better than you know yourself. This is a new phase in your life keep looking forward x

  • Hi Fairytails I've been in your position & it took me 2 years to pluck up the courage to do anything about. I finally asked my husband to leave, he did'nt want too but things were'nt & had'nt been right for a long time. We where both heartbroken because our son was only 8 at the time.

    After he left I beat myself up mentally wondering if I was being selfish & was it fair on my skn. However time gors by & it does get easier. I believe I did do the right thing & my son still had a good life. I am glad I did it.

    Good luck & stay strong.



  • am sorry to read of your situation, girls. once you've made the decision, it's best to get it underway. it's tough but so worth it. nobody deserves to be shouted at or made to feel lousy. life is tough enough as it is.

    good luck to all of you who are in transition x

  • thanks sammi xx

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