So, I went to the rheumatology department on Monday at my 'local' hospital, (sorry it's taken so long to get back on here, not that I have regular readers but still, apologies :P) all ready to moan and complain after being in COMPLETE agony and the depression really getting the better of me despite my constant attempts to pretend to be happy for the sake of others, she was very nice actually, she sat and listened, wrote EVERYTHING down I was saying - a rarity among health care professionals, is it not? - and really took notice of everything. I was V. impressed, and told her so at the end of the appointment.
She poked and prodded asking me if this hurt and that hurt and how much I could do etc etc. And of course, everything hurt - my God the pain in my shoulders, upper and lower back and collar bones was searing! I didn't even realise that it was so tender! And then she proceeded to sit me down. (after i had made myself half-decent again)
[I should probably point out at this point that the referral was made because my mother wanted to know if I DEFINITELY had fibro, because initially it was just a "Fibromyalgia - ?" situation and we really needed to know before applying for DLA etc.]
You know when a doctor takes a deep breath and looks at you in THAT way before telling you something after examining you and you just want the floor to eat you up, you don't want to hear whatever it is they have to say? Welcome to Monday the 5th of November afternoon at approximately 5pm.
She quietly and calmly told me that it was absolutely certain that I had fibromyalgia, she has also told me that the dose of amytriptalyine I was on was nothing like the the dose I should be taking in order to help me sleep, and help the the 'level' of depression I am 'suffering' from. I also got told, after getting a certain negative diagnosis from my GP for hyper-mobility, that I have one of the worst cases she's ever seen and apparently, she's seen hundreds.
Great, this is all I needed after everything recently.
My heart fell through the floor. I'm pretty sure it's half way to Australia now. How do I manage? How do I tell people that not only do I have fibro that is limiting anything and EVERYTHING I can and can't do, but now I am aware I also have something that is pushing my already-on-breaking-point muscles and joints up and beyond their limits?
I have been exceptionally fortunate actually, I had my friends BEGGING me publicly on facebook to return to college after half term )I couldn't manage the first two days of my four day week) which really spurred me on and encouraged me, but I'm paying for it now Oh well, only one more day. They are all walking extra slowly for me to the train station and around college and such, they're amazing. I can't believe I ever doubted their loyalty and whether they did actually like me, or they were simply putting up with me. I'm ashamed, but over the moon at the same time - the care and love they've shown me today was amazing. Let's just hope it lasts?