Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Pain in my heart

Sorry i havent posted in a while but things have been getting on top of me a little. Its the build up i think to my gorgeous precious 18 year old daughter starting university today. She suffers with a joint dysfunction syndrome and has been in and out of hospital for the past year and she missed so much of college that they wanted her to repeat the year but she was having none of it and studied like a mad woman and passed her a levels with flying colours! Today was the day i have been dreading since the moment she was born and i helped her carry all her many belongings from the car to her new room in the halls of residence. It nearly finished me off but as her mum i was determined to do this for her! I have taken all of my many meds for the night but the problem is they dont help the shooting pain in my heart and it really is a physical this possible? It hurts so much and i miss her more than words can say.Please does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I know i have to let her go and i cant let her see how i feel as i want her to enjoy her freshers week and not worry about me for a change....thank you and gentle hugs to you all x

7 Replies

You just have to cope - there is no easy solution. I remember when my eldest went to Uni the house was like a mourge; me and her little sister spent ages just having a hug and snuggled up watching TV. Eventually you find a new normal.

My eldest came back, bought her boyfriend with her and now they have my baby grand-daughter too; I couldn't have foretold that 7 years ago! It will be little sister's turn next year - you have to let them fly and support them all you can .... but it is undeniably one of the hardest things a good parent has to do.

Julie xx


Well done to ypur daughter you be such a proud mu

It is a pain for aching going to miss her but the technology is too real you can view on cam as much as you like!! ???

I suffer pretty much what your daughter has i have Bhms/Eds

So understand and if ever she wanted to chat about it i do understand, she is young and strong and will probably cope with University and friends better than you realise.

When my daughter 1st went abroad for months i worried a lot! But i knew she was OK

Keep strong and positive and busy busy and time will fly

Xxxxx we all here to listen


your daughter sounds like a strong young lady and I wish her happiness at uni!

you being her Mum are bound to feel the way you do she's one of your babies! If you feel like having a cry then do! you're going to miss her and worry about her, I'd cry too.

have you got skype? it's easy to set up and if you arrange to chat now and again it'll set your mind to rest, jot down little thoughts and funny things to tell her.

- not like a friend's mum who could only afford to phone every two weeks [in the 90's],

she'd tell her daughter jane about everyone who died in the past 2weeks

"tell me something nice mum" she pleaded

"ok" she said "remember mrs j from number 39? she was at deaths door? she's much better." thank god said jane and her mother added " how we're going to tell her her dog died I don't know.." she hung up in a huff when jane burst out laughing.




Well done letting them go is the most difficult bit of having looked after them since birth. The courage you will find to now be supportive when she rings home is inside you as you obviously have a good bond with your daughter.

The wonderful thing about letting them go is they come back as our friends, and hat friendship will last forever!

It is rather like leaving them at kindergarten they are fine when you go but really pleased to go home at the end of the day.

I took mine to Lincoln Uni a few years ago and we sang Like A Bat out of Hell all the way there.

Take care



It is awful when they leave us behind.....a real physical ache. It will pass. She will ring and chat to you, you will see how happy she is and it will help you to feel better. I promise you this, for as long as you live she will tug at your heartstrings. The day she graduates, the day she gets her first job, the day she gets her heart broken ( that's a real bummer) the day she marries, your first grandchild.....oh yes! And then they start tugging! Enjoy the ride and keep the tissues close by!


there comes a time when you have to accept they are growing up and have there lives mapped out in there own mind .congrats to her passing her a levels ,very determined lady ,theres times when we have to be strong as parents so as not to let them see your true feelings believe me i know although its a different thing altogether but ive had to be really strong for my 19 yr old as ive had to sit back and watch her go through treatment and surgery for thyroid cancer and although as parents we fall apart on the inside we have to stay strong.take care big gentle hug and take it from me your daughter will be fine


I know exactly how u feel. My son left home just after his 18th to work abroad as a childrens holiday rep. I dreaded it, i wanted to tell him to be careful of this & that & everything i could think of. I thought id never be able to sleep again because id be up all night worrying, and i didnt for the first 4 or 5 days but then was so tired & drained i had to give in. Believe me when i say it gets easier with time, when you know they are getting on ok and they are happy. My son has been working away for 7 years now, hes really happy & im so proud. I look forward to his phone call every week telling what hes been up to. Hope this helps. Xx


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