much needed vent !!!

firstly thanks for all your kind words after my recent blog and i'm happy to say i made it to her second day at school and it was wonderful the tears were of happiness then. been quite bad since think i might of overdone it by walking instead of taking my chair but was it worth it, YES! but today feel awful as the pressure of this illness is starting to take its toll on my marriage. my husband screamed that i was lazy and selfish and blame everything on the fibro this has left me questioning our relationship but also myself ,he has tryed so hard to be understanding and supportive but the caring he does for me seems to be brewing resentment . i know that it must be hard for him as he suffers with sciatica(ouch) and is also type 1 diabetic ,the fibro is so unpredictable that it must seem confusing that one day i can help him a little around the house but am then bedridden for days ,but i didnt ask for this neither did he but its something i am trying to come to terms with i'm grieving for the life i had and all the things we had planned when we got married but i dont know how to help him come to terms with it.,maybe i should let him go so he can be free from the strain this illness has caused and have a life, as i feel thats what he wants although he says its not. i have tryed to talk to him about it but cant seem to find the right words i have tryed to talk about it ands and just leads to more arguing and really don't have the energy for this anymore sorry to be whinging again but don't have any other outlet as my family and friends have dropped off 1 by 1 and dont see anyone anymore thank for being there so i can vent even if its not read by anyone at least once i written it it does feel less frustrating

xxx

sleepy

6 Replies

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  • Illness certainly puts pressure on a relationship - you need to educate him about your condition so that he understands that there are good days and bad days.

    Have you tried looking at the spoons theory with him - it explains an awful lot about these types of condition and the way we have to struggle to live with it. Doesn't he have better and worse days with his sciatica - or is it fairly constant?

    Don't give up on your relationship over this - communication and love can overcome an awful lot.

    Julie xx

  • Hello Sleepy2

    I have read it and understand completely. You moan and vent all you want, that is what we are here for. Can you get him to sit down and discuss it with you and show him our main site and try and get him to read about fibro.

    fibroaction.org/

    Have you tried getting him to go to the doctors with you and have a chat together. I know it must be so frustrating for him. I know my husband tries his best to understand, works for a pharmaceutical company, and helps all he can but even he gets angry and frustrated sometimes. I bet your hubby feels really bad after an outburst.

    Good luck and I hope you can work on your marriage and turn it around.

    Hugs xxxxxxx

  • Hi, maybe he feels overwhelmed at the moment by it all, and can't express that without it coming across wrong, it's a tricky one,he's definitely feeling something, maybe he wants some me time and feels guilty, everyone needs me time don't they? Is there anything you can do together to re bond? Because our lives aren't just illnesses and I know it's difficult but I try very hard for this not to take over my life and I try to think of the positives and not to be a miserable ole grump going on about my illness, so far it's working for me and fibro lives with me on my terms, however it doesn't mean I don't suffer cos I do and I do find it difficult, very, but I don't want my illness to be the only thing in my life, I hope you get through this bad patch as I'm sure that's what it is and you both find happiness in there somewhere

    Love and kind thoughts

    Nicki xxxxx

  • Morning Sleepy2

    How are you today. Do look up the spoons theory it will help him. OH needs to learn about Fibro as you do so together you can face it. Do try to talk through how it effects you, you are not being lazy I am sure just trying your hardest.

    Fibro is and we are fibro it is like a chain of circles one day a link may be broken and need of repair, so we slow down and do what our bodies say in order to regenerate. The time for this varies from one person to another. Gradually we learn how to adapt our lives so we have less disruption. If you feel that things are closing in come on here and vent- it helps!

    Take care and remember OH is learning how to adapt to our way of life x gins

  • thanks for all your comments i have found some renewed strength today and am going to try your suggestions as i dont haqve anything to lose and much to gain sorry about spelling blurry eyes today lol. where do i find info on spoon theory as havent heard of it but defo interested in any helpful tips its a journey i have to go on but hopefully i'll get there in the end

  • Your husband loves you. Maybe it's your guilt that makes you think he doesn't. Men don't 'do' analysis about feelings very well. When we marry there is a vow wentake that says something about 'in sickness and in health'....the in sickness bit is harder. My husband and my life change in a blink of an eye. He was fit and well and doing a job he loved. He was in a car crash and our lives were shattered. A part of him died in that crash. He underwent 12 ops over three years and the last op was an above knee amputation. The stress of caring for him, caused me to seek some relief from the turmoil in prescribed Diazapam. I only ever took them as and when. It's now 16 years since the crash. He is disabled and it's been a huge learning curve for us both. But in all that time I never stopped loving him. It's taken a long time to let go of previous dreams and to build a new life. But we have done it.....together. Could you get a cleaner in to take the load off your husband. Together time is vital. What did you do before? Could you have a meal out together once a month. Go to the pictures? A ride out into the country? Give it time.

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