so life has turned around, three months ago i lost a business i thought i wanted to buy, got diagnosed with fibro, had big boobs for my sisters wedding due to i was on strog beater blockers, getting caught up in middle of parents and there divorce, no one in my life and no where to go or money to move out........
1) started my new job teaching students customer care
2) starting a pgce next week
3) parents sold house after 8 years (not kiddding!!)
4) off beater blockers!!!!
5) boobs reduced in size
6) found a brill guy..... but now he's making my head spin!!
i'm really stuck and everyone i turn to, i can't really discuss this with as all my friends are close to both of us!!
i've been dating a guy for 6 months, fell head over heels with him and even been planning on moving in together, but latley i feel like he just doesn't get me or my life or understand my upbrining. everytime where out or on a night out i never where heels, as the next day my kneecap swells and it becomes painful to walk on, so to prevent the pain i don't wear them. i explained but he twisted his face! i find it hard pulling anything apart, scraps of paper, bottle of wine opening or even pulling heavy doors, just to open them! i know its stupid but i just find it difficult and gives me arm and shoulder pain when i try to do it! but what gets me the worse is that he described me being posh and doesn't understand my background...
my parents got divorced when i was 16, me and my dad have had a tough relationship, he doesn't have a dad and anytime i explain that i have to go visit my dad or my dad's bitch just steps in middle or that we'v argued, he doesn't understand.
a couple of weeks ago he said a posh person is someone who goes to boarding school, supports cons, goes to posh restuarant inc pizza express and calls there mam - mum. i have done all three of them. his mum was 18 year old when had him and he's had a bad background with step father been an idiot. but she sits around gets pissed and can't even give him a lift to local place & i have to do all the driving.
now i don't know what to do, dump and get rid or keep and work through it?????
head's spinning and even writtig this is helping!! so thanks for reading whoever you are........
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charlottepoppins26
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9 Replies
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Hello Charlotte, my goodness how life has changed for you!
So pleased things are working out well for you, you do sound head over heels, lovely to read! Presumably your boyfriend feels the same, as that might affect how he feels and thinks etc?!
As your relationship is fairly new, you want to start off on the right foot (I sound like my Mother lol!), you need your partner to understand how you feel and similarly you need to understand how he feels too. Why don't you both sit down and thrash it through, talk about everything from start to finish and see where you end up. If he can't handle it, you are bound to be able to tell. If after you have described how you feel and how you are affected, he doesn't seem keen on supporting you, helping you and understanding every facet of having Fibro, then perhaps it's time for a rethink.
I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. The problem is that if he isn't prepared to understand at the beginning of your relationship, it doesn't bode well for the future for the pair of you being together.
Having Fibro is hard enough, but with a partner who doesn't understand or support you, it can make life hell in no uncertain terms. I don't know how old you are, but you sound very young, and life is for living, not being miserable. It's your whole future we are talking about, the years ahead.
If you can do what I suggest, i.e. have a sit down and a big discussion about everything, see how you feel after that. It wouldn't be right for anyone to say dump him or keep him, at the end of the day it's up to you, it's your choice.
It took my hubby a good year to get to grips with how much Fibro had changed me and how much it was going to change our lives, we sat down and talked about it, he learned about it which helped and he's been great ever since.
See if you can get your boyfriend to have a read from our main site, it might help him understand - click on the link below -
Fibro isn't your fault ... but it is as sure as heck your problem when trying to educate your BF. And you do need to educate him because if you are constantly in a position where he is not understanding your challenges the relationship will just be ground away with it all.
My second husband is a lovely man ... but he just couldn't get his head around how poorly I was and in the end he left me because he couldn't cope with me being ill! If I wasn't ill and could continue to be the strong one in the relationship we'd probably still be together now (which would be a shame cuz my BF is totally marvellous lol).
BF has his own problems with curvature of the spine and all the pain that causes, he wants to learn about my conditions and we both support each other; the difference in having a man who genuinely understands is indescribable .... so please try your best to educate your BF.
Have you read the Spoons Theory? It might be a place to start
Sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment! I can relate so well to the shoes, my knees are bad enough in flat shoes but 10x worse in heels which I now won't wear for anyone! I think you need to make sure the new BF understands your condition and accept that because of it you have to pace yourself, and choose pretty flat shoes over tottering about in agony just to fit into his image of what a GF should look like. He needs to accept you as you are and that includes your background. When I lived in Lancs. my work colleagues had originally judged me by my southern accent and told me later they had thought I was posh when I first started working at the company but once they got to know me we all became great friends.
Thanks for the advice, I went out last night and wore flats and woke up this morning with no knee pain. Unfortunatley, i took the advice of the other's who supported me and showed him the information, which ended badly and we broke up.
I think my next role is to work on my new job, move house, start my pgce and get my body back to normal. I think with diet, exercise and maybe go out on dates in the middle lol.
Thanks for the support, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to contact, Charlotte x
So sorry to hear about the break up. Does the place where you're studying know about your fibro? I get lots of support from my university and wouldn't have survived last year without their understanding and the time extensions they gave me. Hope all goes well with the new job, the move and your studies! Take care,
They don't know, I found out on friday that the mentor I was suppose to be having is too busy so i might not have one any more, which all depends on me getting in! I don't know if I should let them know, I've told work because my job includes lifting heavy objects and being on my feet most of the time. but the whole uni thing is frustrating!
I think with the ex bf, it was too difficult, i fet like he couldn't understand or know how to handle it. he was pretty immature, i thought at first it would be fine but towards the end it got harder. I just hope i've not made a big mistake.
Hi Charlotte, I'm currently doing a degree part-time. When I started my course I had an assessment which entitled me to some equipment, I would get extra time for exams if I was taking any (my course is assessment based), I'm also allowed access to a quiet room to lay down and have a nap between lectures when I get really tired. I also have a lovely lady who takes notes for me and hauls my camera equipment and books around for me. I didn't take them up on all the equipment they recommended as already had a number of the things they suggested but I think it would be a good idea to make an appointment with the disability advisor where you're going to be studying, you could find they could make your studies go a lot easier.
Its not easy to walk away from a relationship is it? But its not easy to be with the wrong person either. I have a number of friends who are in really great relationships and marriages - they are best friends as well as partners. Having experienced the damage of being in a really bad relationship I've decided in future I will settle for nothing short of what my friends have. In the meantime I get on and make the most of my life (as far as my fibro will let me), and enjoy total control of the TV remote! LOL
I noticed that you said you have only recently been diagnosed. According to how long you have had fibro maybe you will be able to learn about your condition together. Where you will need support and all that you have to learn and adapt yourself.
Stress will make your condition so much worse and good support is precious.
I hope you come to an understanding and are able to support and understand each other. Best wishes Fi xx
Your right, I need to learn how to support and understand this. I just don't know which way to go at times, or how to get my head around it. but reading what other people write and reading people's responses is heping so i'm pleased i found this site in the right time. thanks charlotte x
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