Fifty shades of grey ... is this a laundry problem?

Joking ... honestly!

There is such a lot of fuss about these books, I just HAD to read them, and besides they're full of sex, which of course I would rather not even THINK about, but everyone else is, so .... oh well ... yeah, GO FOR IT!!!!

These books are quite entertaining - they're porn written in a way that is more acceptable to women readers. I found the plot rather thin, though the character of Christian Grey is very well drawn. I have a feeling that he's based on one of the author's past loves!

I also have a feeling that the character would be much less interesting if he weren't a billionaire - I mean if the poor chap had to work in Tesco for the national minimum wage, he would be viewed as a perverted, randy little oik.

As it is, his wealth makes him an escapist's fantasy; who amongst us wouldn't love to be whisked around in a private aircraft, being indulged in every luxury – even if the price has to be paid afterwards in The Red Room of Pain?

I think that most women, if they are honest, would enjoy a certain amount of control in the bedroom. The total relaxation of letting someone else be in charge, the frisson of being restrained, even the excitement of being helpless in another person’s domination. Few of us would enjoy the degree of pain demanded by a true S&M devotee, but reading about it is pretty safe, and gives us the opportunity of all sorts of fertile imaginings.

Where I would fall out with Christian Grey is his total need to control every aspect of Anastasia’s life. He even tells her what and when to eat and drink - it would be a brave man indeed who tried that on with this baby!

Anyway, all this got me thinking about a dinner party I attended a few years ago. As a widow of good figure and cheerful nature, I was used to having the occasional ‘spare man’ provided to join me at the table, and over the years I had put up with many an evening of boring old farts who thought they were my last hope, and that I was definitely up for a quick grope in the conservatory if they could only get me drunk enough.

Some of them were pleasant enough, tho’, and on this particular evening my delightful hostess, Seide, introduced me to a good-looking divorcee named Dominic.

He was very good company, witty and charming, and we got on terribly well – even better as the wine flowed. I made a saucy joke, and he remarked that “Naughty girls should have their bottoms slapped!”

I replied carelessly that I should be so lucky – and at that second the atmosphere became very intense. Dominic earnestly told me that he was an S&M devotee, that it had changed his life, and that he was desperate to find a beautiful submissive - like me!

At this point I changed from wine to brandy – I needed it – and told him I was flattered of course, but rather unsure as to what he meant.

Dominic was evidently well off, and he described to me in great detail the furnishings and fittings of his personal ‘dungeon’, which to all intents and purposes was identical to Christian Grey’s Red Room. Dominic told me that I would come to no harm, and that he would take great care of me if I would become his ‘sub’.

I suddenly felt a hot flush coming on, and remembered a pressing engagement elsewhere. On the way through the door, I hissed at Seide “Did you know that Dominic is some sort of a pervert?”

“Oh, Dominant Dominic!” she said “ He’s harmless enough, and of course, and he’s very wealthy – I thought you might be well-suited”

I hurried home, refusing the Dominant One’s offer of a lift (I didn’t want to end up tied to a gatepost somewhere in the country) and spent the rest of the evening feeling fragile, beautiful and endangered – quite pleasant actually.

I can sort of see the appeal that this sort of dicing with danger might have, and believe me, these guys are out there – we could all have one if we wanted!

So there you are, Girls, The Confessions of a Merry Widow.

What has this got to do with Fibromyalgia? Nothing really, except that we all suffer pain enough, and if we can occasionally view it in a different light, it might serve to reduce the power of chronic discomfort.

Besides, as they say in the best parts of the East End ... “Itsa larf, innit?

5 Replies

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  • Lol, you have me chuckling to myself :-)

    (The dog thinks I've lost it .... again!)

    Julie xx

  • oh to have the energy for all that spanking lol

  • thank you so mich that made me and my husband laugh so much xx

  • Ladymoth

    You are so much better at writing than those awful grey books. If you ever write a novel or short story please let us know.

    I did not any thing about the book when I bought it and did not get as far as any of the sex scenes just thought it was so dull that my life is too short to read ****.

  • I'm glad that you all had a titter!

    I do write short stories and articles for magazines, and now I'm retired I'm going to try to write more in the hope of being as successful as E.L. James (I wish!!!!)

    Thanks for your happy comments ... gentle hugs xxxxxxx

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