My Fibro story...(it's a long one)

[anjie]

I've been answering/writing/reading posts on this site for a couple of months and feel like I'm getting to know some of you, and you are all an inspiration to me and give great advice on this silly illness!

I realised this morning that I haven't shared my own Fibro story.

It's only the past couple of years when I began researching into FM, when I read that a possible cause is prolonged stress as a child...I cried, hard,

I remember when I began noticing differences in my ability to do things, I was 15/16 years old, I was in foster care as I had been abused (of every type of abuse) at home. I was also studying for my GCSE's at the time.....I was always a terrible sleeper and probably prone to depression even younger than 15...My mother was an alcoholic and had suicidal tendencies...so this was probably hereditary.

I stopped talking to people because I couldn't think fast enough, I felt unable to hold a conversation, I had stress incontinence, I ached from head to foot, I felt sick all the time and I suddenly needed glasses....this was all put down to what I had been through.

I began having panic attacks, periods of insomnia followed by periods of sleeping all the time. I was told I was too young to be put on antidepressants and the best thing for me to do was talk...I refused.

I got into art college, most of the time this was ok though I remember having to take time off every now and then because of intense pain, my knees and shoulder were always the worst but the drs couldn't find anything wrong.I had re-occuring tonsilitis which was put down to not eating properly because I was a student.

I did my 1st dip and National Dip in art and design and went on to do a HND in textiles..by this time I was always having time off due to tiredness, widespread pain, depression, tonsilitis and gutate psoriosis, CTS, unexplained high blood pressure...which only lasted 2 months and then it was fine again!

I then went on to do a BSc in Knitwear production, straight into the 2nd year of a 3 year degree!! I was so pleased. Depression kicked in big style! I was self harming, in constant pain. I was having to take notes wherever I went as I was unable to remember things, I found it difficult to retain information and struggled with my dissertation. I even remember having to go back through my notes because I'd totally forgotten how to write a 'y'!!

Drs were still unable to tell me why I was in pain...but I was able to take anti d's.

I met my husband, stopped self harming, life was good for a while, until my first daughter, I was diagnosed with having postnatal depression, but I think it was a massive FM flare too. I couldn't move I was in so much pain, seriously depressed. I went back to work so Jim could look after J. D was born 2 yrs after, I was put on suicide watch with 2 health visitors visiting twice a week...I was ok though...very tired, in a lot of pain....I went to my GP about RLS and she said she'd never heard of it...and that was that. My back and legs were agony but everyone put it down to childbirth.

2 yrs later I had twins...I kept fainting and was diagnosed with CFS and aneamia...5 mths after having the twins my periods went doolally. I was constantly bleeding heavily and in constant pain, depression again and incredibly tired..I had every test under the sun and nothing was abnormal. My stomach began bloating...tested for allsorts, all negative. Discovered I had an ectopic kidney which they decided was the cause of my bloating!

My husband worked away for a while and I held the fort...was going well, kids helped when they could, then he came back (which wasn't supposed to happen - we were going to move to him) my whole body just shut down. I couldn't walk, eat, it hurt to move, severely depressed....I then met the GP i'm with now...he asked all the right questions, read my notes, put 2 and 2 together and made 4!!! After al lot of tests again he diagnosed me with Increased Pain Perception/FM

I was just so relieved to have someone listen to me after nearly 20 years!!

It was no longer, all in my head!

So there you have it...I'm learning to control it now. Every day is different but I'm in good spirits and glad I have found people I can talk to who understand.

Thank you for listening x

hugs x

[sparkledust]

Always listen lovely. Sounds like you really went through it. Be proud of yourself for getting here & being positive .

x

[anjie in reply to sparkledust]

thanks Sparkledust...I am xx

[lynz]

wow you have been through a lot ,like sparkledust says ,well done you for getting here, and being so positive ,hugs to you xxxxx

[anjie in reply to lynz]

thank you Lynz xx hugs to you too.

[rosehip]

HUGS AND MORE HUGS XX

[anjie in reply to rosehip]

Love hugs x thank you rosehip x

[jayjay]

wow you have really had a rough time of it, ;-(

Well done on getting through it all, and staying positive

loadsa love and gentle hugs xxxxx

[anjie in reply to jayjay]

Thank you Jayjay xx hugs to you too x

[diane63]

hi there.. bet u were exhausted after righting that... so glad u got ur diagnosis after all those years.... life can be tuff and people dont always get a good start in life... u should be proud in what u have acheived x... hope ur ok, and i am always here to listen or talk, this is a good site with many many lovely people on it... hope ur ok today.. xxx

[anjie in reply to diane63]

I'm good thank you Diane, what I did learn through it all is that you have to make the best of what you have, I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason....whether it be good or bad, you just have to find the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.

Thanks for listening Diane xxx

hugs.

[Bubblebutt]

Dear Angie can relate to some of your story, good to see you have come through it all lots of love coming your way & gentle huggles xx

[anjie in reply to Bubblebutt]

Thank you for your gentle hugs Bubble xxx

[Hidden]

Gentle Hugs Angie,

I've been down a similar road as you sweetheart - It was not a happy time in my life and so I put everything in a compartment in my mind and "put up" with everything and anything and I trusted no one - it was only after my youngest was born nearly 22 - years ago that the compartment started "leaking" and I started to feel the pain - but I still managed to hide it for 2 more years until it became unbearable and I saw a GP - who said it was all in my mind! So once more I built a compartment and for a few years suffered in silence once more - I moved house 18 years ago - and finally everything got so bad that for 8 years I lived on Co-codamol 30/500 - that I'd managed to get on repeat prescription for severe period pain - until 10 years ago and I finally decided to talk to a lady GP - I was finally able to spill that compartment out fully - and even though she was listening to me and trying to figure my health issues out - especially the depression and suicide thoughts - it was 3 more years before she decided it was possibly Fibro - as she'd been to a doctors meeting that brought up Fibro on the agenda - and sent me for a diagnosis with a Rheumatologist confirming I had Fibromyalgia. Knowing I was not going insane and imagining it all was a relief - a short-lived one though as I researched Fibro on the Web - I became more depressed. 7 years down the line I am still trying to get my head around it as it turned my whole world topsy turvy! But I'm determined it will NOT control my life anymore. Slowly but surely I'm turning that corner.

You are so brave and an inspiration to many women.

Best wishes,

Love,

Carol xx

[anjie in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Carol x

It's so easy to think that we're being punished by God, or feeling that we're doing something wrong to be given all this pain, emotionally and physically.

The simple answer is that we're not. It's just the way our bodies work and as soon as we can come to terms with that, find the best way for us to deal with it....the more we can help others in the same boat. It's not easy by any means...but we WILL get there and show the world how strong we can be (even if it's just for 5 minutes!).

I'm not beaten yet...nor are you!

Much love and hugs Carol xxxxx

[Hidden]

Bless you Angie,

Not once did I allow myself to ever believe I was to blame or being punished by God - I knew who was to blame for bringing about the pain then as now.

Joining this group was the best thing I did as far as the Fibro is concerned - to be able to share and comfort and support others in the same boat, is one road I've taken to be able to start accepting, and moving on with my life as best as I can. And I'm too strong a woman to let this evil disease beat me. And for what you've been through and managed to come out as you have, proves just how strong you are as well. And as I'm an all or nothing gal - 5 minutes will not cut it with me!

Love and hugs,

Carol xx

[anjie in reply to Hidden]

xx

[Sharon_J]

Wow you've done briliantly, you have been through so much! Glad to no you've a dr who believes you now and has diagnosed you properly. Although we live with this awful disease its better to have a name put to your symptoms.

This is such a good site with lots of people who respond and can relate to some things you go through.

Take care

Sharon x

[anjie in reply to Sharon_J]

Thanks Sharon.

I think having a name to put to it helped everyone around me just as much as myself...

[WEEme]

Just read your blog Anjie and so touched by your experences, you have been through a lot. Always here to listen, I found this site by chance only a few months and everyone on it helps you to pick up your strength when having it tough. Thanks again for sharing xxx

[anjie in reply to WEEme]

Yes, this is a brilliant site, so glad I've found you all xx

Thanks WEEme x

[Hidden]

Welcome Anjie and thanks for telling us your story. You're the first person I've ever heard say that their 'traumatic' event was their whole childhood. I think it's now widly believed that a traumatic event can bring on FMS and I think your childhood counts as does mine! I've got a few other theories which I'll throw out too for the crew to think about.

So glad you're here.

Whippet xxx

[anjie]

Thanks Whippet...looking forward to hearing these theories...

hugs xx

Ang