Dad refuses to believe my fibromyalgia

[Health8472]

Hi all! I was forced to return home after a relationship breakdown, 10years together. Symptoms started 2/3years into it. The fibro/pains/exhaustion have got worse. Mum is supportive but Dad harasses me that im lying. He wont look it up online and read indepth.They are 70 now. Its like a totally different generation and possibly dementia starting.

How do I get him to see whats right infront of him?! Kind regards, Health.

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

Hi there and welcome to the group. The old saying comes to mind. You can take an horse to water but you can't make it drink. Sadly that applies to humans too.

You say your dad is in his 70s. And if like you say he may have early dementia? I think you need to accept he won't be for changing his mind anytime soon.

IMO I think I would be using my energy and thoughts for things I can change and move on.

I think sometimes it helps to take a step back and see things from the view of others.

You turn up back at home at 27 and 10yrs later your still there. You know you feel ill but they can't see it and blood tests etc say your ok. Nothing can be found and you don't have a life threatening illness. Not sure how I would respond to be honest. And I have had fibro for 40+yrs.

I often wonder how my husband copes with me. To be honest I often ask myself if the rolls were reversed what would I think or feel. Would I be able to carry on caring for him indefinitely. I would like to think I could.

I always feel so sorry for loved ones and partners of someone with fibro. I think its harder for them than the sufferers. We may have lost a lot of our lives but so have they.

So please try and cut your dad some slack and concentrate on you. You have your mums support that's great. Some folks don't have that. You have a home, bed and food, Many sick folks are not so lucky.

I always try and think of the positives in my life. Even though I'm a wheelchair user and have agoraphobia and social phobia. So apart from my husband I am alone. But I still see positives.

Sorry didn't mean to go on 😂 I hope you can move forward and leave your dad with is thoughts. Wishing you a very pleasant weekend.

Momo

[Health8472 in reply to Dizzytwo]

Your words are very enlightening, thankyou😘. You have a knowledgeable and outside perspective of my issue. I'll do my best with using my energy and will power! will try to sort out some more positives, like installing his record player😇.

[Dizzytwo Moderator in reply to Health8472]

Sounds like a plan to me👍 One day at a time is a good way to go. Not all days are good. But neither are they all bad imo xx

[Yassytina FMA UK Volunteer]

Hello , sorry too read this , glad mum is supportive and dad as you say could be suffering with dementia so although really hard if your sitting down and engaged in a conversation where he is being alittle unkind chamge the subject and find something too talk about say football, gardening , anything too change the subject , have you got a TV in your room where you can grab your own space sometimes. Are you able too work ?or at home mostly , hopefully the weather will warm up and you can get out side more , we’ve all been stuck indoors a lot the last 6months with typical English weather . Very hard coming off a broken relationship and although takes time I hope you will gradually move forward, are there any local meet up s in your area? We have community cafes and people meet up over drinks /cake and chat , a lot people need too spend time also with their own age group, do you see any friends ? I hope the forum is helpful , I often check in for a catch up and it reminds me I am part of a very big club , free membership 😟but out of the negatives some days will come when you feel yourself smiling and something good has happened , take care .

[Health8472 in reply to Yassytina]

Hi, thankyou for your lovely words. Not in work at the moment. I do get my own space at home but I need to use my time better to avoid his "not so good" times. Need to look into meetups but still not sure if that's for me personally! Yes weather has been terrible! I see a friend about once a week so I enjoy that day out, I do have to push myself but it does pay off😀

[Yassytina FMA UK Volunteer]

Yep get that about meeting up there are local fibro clubs that meet up in most towns every so often and a mixed range of people and ages , glad you see your friend , I try do this once a week with an old school friend and if I don’t feel up too it on the day we have a coffee at my house and put the world too rights😉but better for you too actually get out , pubs do weekly events , pub quizzes ,events , so that may be an idea even for an hours or so , or what you can manage on the day .

[Fibro1966]

Hi I get this reaction to sometimes,it's a matter of the old who are just to blind to see it.I think personally that if it wasn't around in their day then it doesn't exist today.

Fibromyalgia is a vile decease/illness that won't kill you but you feel like the walking dead on a daily basis etc.

You cannot make people listen whatever way you try.

The only time their take notice is when you end up in a pile on the floor in a & e & even then there still full of doubt etc.

It's not a cruel world 🌎 it's the people that live in it,with narrow mindness.

Just hang on in their honestly 😉

[Debsdelight72]

Health8472,

Sorry to hear of your predicament, There is not a lot you can do now in regards with trying to explain things with your Dad, He's probably set in his ways and don't forget the good old,

Well we didn' have THAT in my day!

Don't try and push him on the subject too much, It will do no good for anyone in the household and if he is experiencing the start of possible dementia you have to weigh up the odds you,your Mum and Dad are all in the same house and not all are singing from the same song sheet, It's going to upset all that live there,

I know it's not ideal for all, You'll have to be saying the same thing over and over and your Dad will already have enough to be getting on with,

Are you able to help around the house or make dinner? Even from sitting on a perch stool or wheelchair etc,etc, If your Dad sees your helping your Mum he might mellow a bit?

Would you be able to look for your own place to live? It might put things on a more even kiln, You'll have to remember your parents have had their own space and now your in it,

Try to be patient with your Dad and help Mum when ever you can, I hope you can come to some sort of peaceful solution for everyone's sake

Take care

Debs