Help me to understand

[Aldeburgh20]

My son has fibromyalgia and it seems to have changed his personality. Having a conversation with him is like handling gelignite as at the slightest thing he will blow his top. Is this common. He has not worked for a number of years and in the past we have had a good, easygoing relationship. I am just trying to understand him. He has had many health issues over the years.

[Hazel_Angelstar Administrator FMA UK Staff]

Hi,

Living with chronic pain can make a person more irritable and likely to react to anything and everything

You might find it useful to read our patient information booklets at fmauk.org/publications which has a section for family of the person with fibro

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

Hi there, It must be very upsetting for you to see the change in your son.

Has he been diagnosed long with fibro or is it just recently may I ask.

If recently it may be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. On top of other medical issues it can be hard. He may be feeling depressed.

If hes had fibro for some time but just started behaving this way. Then I would be inclined to think it may be something else on his mind.

Pain on a daily basis can be so hard to deal with. It can get the hardest of feeling very down. Unfortunately when that happens we tend to lash out at the nearest person. And they are the ones we should least vent our frustrations on.

Could you get him to have a word with his GP?

Momo

[Aldeburgh20 in reply to Dizzytwo]

Thank you for your kind replies. My son had a very heavy viral load in his 20's, taking two lots of trial drugs to deal with it. He is now in his 50's and hasn't been able to work for approx the last 10 years and in the last 3 years or so has been treated for FMG. I suspect it must be pain which is causing the way he reacts .

[Meditationlover]

I am sorry to hear your son is suffering, having fibomyralgia can cause frustration, and irritability, maybe once his fib is under more control, he will find it easier xx

[Aldeburgh20 in reply to Meditationlover]

Thank you xx

[athenadark]

Has anyone told you about spoon theory, basically a person has a limited amount of spoons to get through the day, and everything they do takes spoons, with fibro with the pain and the fatigue there are barely any spoons and often the medication changes take more, and sometimes it's just a fork day - as in stick a fork in me I'm done

it's possible that when you talk to him he's just out of spoons and frustrated with himself and tired and angry at himself for being frustrated and angry and tired, personally i have days where watching an episode of a tv show can wipe me out for the day and I turn into godzilla with a migraine raging about tokyo

another problem that pops up is overstimulation where just too many people, too many noises etc can empty the spoon bucket and there's godzilla again, and that one's easy because ten minutes in a quiet dark room to just breathe

fibro is a grab bag of symptoms and issues and a lot of it is frustrating because you suddenly can't do things that shouldn't seem like a big deal, and knowing what it is makes it worse because you have a monster to blame

I doubt he's angry and frustrated at you, but from his perspective maybe he has used up all of his spoons on doing something necessary and hasn't had a chance to maybe get some more, or maybe he used up all his spoons on something that took barely any the day before - the spoons are such a good metaphor

[Loobielu in reply to athenadark]

Love that response! I can absolutely relate to the stick a fork in me I'm done! Sometimes my hubby says, how can I help? And I say shoot me! Similar to the fork analogy! I was out of spoons last night and was very snappy with my poor hubby 🙄. We do tend to lash out at the nearest safest person! I know my daughter's do at me 😞. My hubby is in his 50's, it's a grumpier age for men I think 🤔

[Carlt in reply to Loobielu]

"My hubby is in his 50's, it's a grumpier age for men I think 🤔"

Oi!

I'm a man in my 50s and I can honestly say my mood has not changed at all with age.

I've been grumpy all my life.

[Loobielu in reply to Carlt]

Lol fair point Carlt 🤣. I take it back lol

My hubby found turning 50 hard (he's 55 now). He said he kinda mourned that the best years 'could' be behind him and that there's more time behind him than in front of him. I'm 50 next year 😬 but I honestly don't have the energy to worry about it lol

[Aldeburgh20 in reply to athenadark]

Thank you, a useful way of looking at it x

[Barneyboo37]

hiya, unfortunately pain has a habit of doing that, I have Fybro and my elder daughter and younger son have Fybro too! My younger daughter has ME, which she had since she was 14, so yeah it does change ones personality, no more nice conversations, unfortunately xx

[Aldeburgh20 in reply to Barneyboo37]

Thank you xx

[Suffering2021]

Hi I am and I get so very frustrated & angry for myself because I can’t do the things I used to because of the chronic pain it’s dibilitating. I can only imagine your son is feeling this too . Fibromyalgia uk are very helpful and sent me information so I could understand it all . I still don’t . I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone it’s horrible . All I can do is distract myself but however I distract from it when I sit down quietly I feel everything …. I hope you can understand it all & your son will talk to you to explain his feelings , even my friends don’t really understand it so I don’t say too much now I don’t moan all the time to them they have there own stories , but the pain is there 24/7