Bullied because of Fibro

[Tuscany]

Hello everyone,

Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday mornings. I felt like I wanted to write this to see if anyone else has experienced this. I feel like I have been bullied for years because of my fibro. I have had a couple of horrible office jobs where I was always criticised for not working fast enough, or if I missed something. I worked really hard in those jobs, and anyone with this condition knows that, even if you feel you are doing OK, this fast paced world just swallows us up sometimes. I found those jobs very hard because I thought i was doing well, but apparently not. I have been running my own pet sitting and dog walking business for nearly 4 years now. I have just been through a horrible break up with my husband because he was emotionally abusive and bullied me as well because of my fibro. When I was building up my business, I was working some very long hours, walking strong dogs in all weathers and working around the clock.

I managed to leave my husband with the help of the people at Universal Credit and a domestic abuse charity. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I have recently decided that the dog walking is too much in this awful weather we have been having. I am having a meeting with Universal Credit a week on Monday to discuss additional support to take account of my Fibro. Does anyone else here get additional support on UC?

My husband told his parents recently that I used to lay in bed all afternoon when in reality I would work 8am to 3pm, come back for a rest and something to eat, then go out again from 5pm to 9pm. He also told my daughter that I didn't get on with anyone at work which is why i was fired, when in reality it was because I couldn't keep up with the work because of my concentration levels and fatigue. I am so glad I am away from him now. Just wondered if anyone has experienced anything like this? I feel like I have been bullied for years because of it.

Sending you all a gentle hug!

Liz

[Yassytina FMA UK Volunteer]

Hi liz , very sorry too read of this and glad you have picked yourself up and moved on, well done you lady , I hope someone can come on the forum with help about benefits , you sound like you gave it your all on everything so be proud, people that don’t live with a daily condition really don’t have much empathy until something happens in their own lives. Hopefully you can pace yourself at home more and you will feel better in yourself , we get too a stage where we get rid of the rubbish and surround ourselves with decent people, take care xx

[Tuscany in reply to Yassytina]

Hi Yassytina. Thank you for your reply. Yes we do surround ourselves with decent people in the end. I am standing up to my husband now. After a horrible run in with him last week, I have decided to really sort things out. I am finding some strength from somewhere! Xxx

[Blue-52]

hi Tuscany . It saddened me to read this, but hey girl you found your strength and you left the garbage behind , well done you 👏.

I don’t know how old your child is, or if she is living with you, but you can get help with Rent, dentist, eye test and free nhs glasses, also help for your home ie bills, I’m sure they will tell you when you have your appointment that there is more, take a look on the uc online. You can also claim pip along with your uc. I hope it all goes smoothly. Take care hun, be strong, and ignore the verbal D that comes out of your ex’s mouth.

[Tuscany in reply to Blue-52]

Hi Blue-52

My daughter is 8. Still quite young. I am already claiming UC and get help with housing, my daughter, some council tax benefit etc. I just need to find out if I qualify for additional support because giving up the dog walking would reduce my income further, when I don't earn very much at all to start with. Hopefully next week brings me some good news xxx

[Blue-52 in reply to Tuscany]

if your mobility and illness has got worse, you may qualify for higher rate uc. Good luck.

[Delightedbyhares in reply to Blue-52]

Happy to chat any time x

[Welshcatlady]

Hi Liz, so sorry to read about the bullying you have had to endure, and happy that you managed to walk away from your husband, who should have been supporting you rather than bullying you. Well done.

It sounds like you are managing to sort things out for yourself and I hope that everything goes well at your meeting with UC a week tomorrow. Sorry I can't help regarding other help you may be entitled to, as UC wasn't around when I was working, but I'm pretty sure you will be able to apply for PIP.

Sending you a gentle hug.

Lesley

[Tuscany in reply to Welshcatlady]

Thank you Welshcatlady. If I get additional support if I give up the dog walking, I should be able to manage just doing my few cat visits. I visit cats at home when their owners are on holiday. I love that part of my work! I just don't earn very much doing it. Hopefully next week will bring me some good news xxx

[Welshcatlady in reply to Tuscany]

As you've probably guessed I absolutely adore all cats! I wouldn't mind doing something like you do as we don't have any cats ourselves at the moment (long story)! Hope you do get the support you need and that next week will bring good news for you. x

[Delightedbyhares]

Hi Tuscany. I’m so sorry to hear about your problems. I had pretty much the same.. an emotionally and financially abusive marriage, that ended when he had an (another)affair. I divorced him but it’s still affecting me emotionally after more than 10 yrs.(he often works locally, and I can hear his loud voice and laughter from my house. It makes my skin crawl, most people still think he’s lovely!!🤬) He had twins with this other woman(they are now 30 ish) she had been a friend of mine. They got married last year. Good luck to ‘em !!!🙄

My job was physically and emotionally tough, and a lot was expected of me in a senior role. I resigned/ took early retirement because, despite OT input and changing my working hours/days, Fibromyalgia constant pain, total exhaustion and horrendous brain fog meant I couldn’t function well enough to continue safely😥. I loved my job and the children I worked with.

I receive UC and some PIP benefit as I am unable to work or take part in work related activities. My support worker at “Job Centre plus” was lovely and really helped me sort myself out. I wish you well and hope that everything gets easier for you here on in. I am so much happier now and I hope you will be too.

“Air hugs” to you and our fellow fibro fighters!

[Tuscany in reply to Delightedbyhares]

Hi Delightedbyhares. Love your username by the way! Thank you for your lovely reply and so sorry to hear what you went through with your ex husband. It's horrible isn't it? My daughter is 8 and we have equal custody of her. She loves him and it is so hard trying to explain to her why I can't bear to be around him, when he is so nice to her. She doesn't understand. He has also told his family a pack of lies about me and is a seething ball of resentment for the financial support he gave me during our marriage when I took lower paid part time jobs to be around for our daughter, that we decided to do as a family when she was young. He is using that to try and cheat me out of my entitlement regarding the divorce. He is still living in the house we jointly own, and is trying to pull the wool over my eyes about what I am entitled to, using emotional blackmail ie it's our daughter's inheritance. I had a horrible run in with him over it all last week. I have tried to be nice and civil, all the way through the horrible separation, but he treats me with utter contempt. That is how I will treat him in future.

Thank you for mentioning PIP. I understand from this thread that it can be claimed in addition to UC? I can still work, looking after cats. I love the cat visits I do. I can just about manage those, and I think I would suffer mentally if I didn't work at all, but I must give up the dog walking. I am hoping I can sort this out at the meeting next week.

Thanks again for sharing your experience and I hope you are doing well now xxx

[Delightedbyhares]

oh boy, he sounds charming! It must be so difficult when your daughter is so young. My daughter is 26 and can see right through her father. She doesn’t really want anything to do with him. Unfortunately my son who is 29, works with him and is, I’m afraid too much like his father for my liking. I don’t have much contact with him sadly😥.

Yes UC and PIP be applied for together- I had to give up my dog sitting and small animal home visits as it was too much for me to handle. My daughter still does dog walking and I join her if I’m able- doesn’t happen often now though😭. Fibro is the pits! And I also have a blood cancer which, surprisingly causes me very few problems at the moment!!! Wishing you all the best x

[Tuscany in reply to Delightedbyhares]

So sorry to hear you are coping with cancer too. That must be so hard. I can believe though that Fibro can cause more problems than cancer at times. Got to go and face my ex shortly when I pick up my daughter's things. She is home with me now for the next few days.

Take care and thank you for your support xxx

[Millah]

Hi, i am so so sorry you went through all of that. I have fibro too, along w many other health issues and can nk longer work. My neighbors bully me, harrass me and they know I have health issues and they are grown azz adults older than me. I am so emotionally exhausted from so much...lost 14 friends within 3 years due to covid, cancer, etc. I also lost my beloved dad to covid...he and my brotjerngot itnsame.time, both were hospitalized w severe covid pneumonia , 2 dif hospitals, both had lung damage and neither expected to make it. My brother barely survived and was discharged on 02 my dad did not survive. It will be 2 years in jan. Sometimes people prey on others going through an extraordinary rough period. It says alot about them. I've really been going through it on so many levels and some people out there are truly heartless and choose to hit put at others during their worst times in life. Just know someone cares and again, so sorry you went through all that. You don't deserve it. ✌