IF YOU ARE NOT UP TO READING A LONG STORY, COMPLETE WITH WHINING AND COMPLAINING, PLEASE MOVE ON. I GET SOME STRENGTH FROM READING OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS, AND HAD A LITTLE BIT OF TIME TO TELL MY STORY. LOVE YA'LL!!!
All my life, I've been logical and was always able to figure out what to do in difficult situations. I have finally met my match. I am not a religious person, so I don't pray for devine intervention. I have adequate support from my family, BUT I am the primary caregiver for my son, and any mothers out there will understand why I am in this situation. I've had back problems and fibromyalgia for over 20 years. They started after major back surgery. I've gone to a pain specialist every month for18 years...mostly because I take prescription opiods. 12 years ago, my then 40 year old son had a maor neurological occurrence that left him 90% quadreplegic. My husband and I moved into a larger house where we could have my son and grandson live with us. I became my son's primary caregiver (the only one for about 3 years), until I hired aides to help a few hours per week. The constant physical exertion of being a caregiver to a person who can hardly move causes damage that sneaks up on you. It's been 12 years, and Im now dealing with Spondylolistheses ...where my original disc removal was, is now 25% protruding over the disc below it....causing widespread pain because of nerve compression and pinching. My neurosurgeon explained that I needed to have surgery to re-align my spine and fuse it together where the problem exists. They would need to get to my spine through my back and abdomen. The recovery period is 8+ months. In the meantime, I've had hip problems (severe degeneration in joints), neck problems...arthritis and disc problems, knee pan (previous surgery needs re-do or knee replacement), severe carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands, tendonitis in shouoders and arms.....and all the psycological issues that anyone with severe chronic pain can relate to. AND, on top of it all, our dearly beloved fibromyalgia, that threatens to kill me on some days. Actually, all the pain overlaps, and I'm not always sure what is making me hurt. Sometimes chronic pain totally rules our existance!!
What would other mothers do????? How can I abandon my son, who cannot move, and move him into a group home (or whatever), while I am stll alive? It has become totally cost prohibitive for us to hire more help. We all try to scrape together $3,000 a month just for the 20 hours of help we are receiving. My son is not entitled to any state or government aid, because he is just over the financial limit to be qualified. My husband and I are retired. My husband is 73 and I am 74. One of the questions asked before each of my monthly visits to my pain specialist is "have you felt hopeless enough to think about suicide or to contemplate it?" My answer is always "NO", but only because of the affect it would have on my son's well-being.
To anyone who has actually read this...thank you so much. I havent posted here in a long while, although I log on frequently to read what everyone else is going through. I usually helps me to get through my own things. I hope all of you are doing the very best you are capable of.