I'm trying to look after my mum who is 92 years of age

[bonnielass66]

I am trying to look after my mum who is 92 and suffers from macular degeneration and also dementia.

I live alone and have no one to support me. I love my mum so much but she's becoming so needy, and my stress levels, fibro and me have flared up.

I have had to get help from social care, who I know are really struggling with shortage of carers.

They have been trying so hard to get mum the help that she needs as I honestly can't cope anymore. My children live down south and they obviously are unable to come up as they have to work.

My daughter came up twice last year and they were concerned about my health. Both my daughter and son have told me that I must look after myself.

I'm always putting others before myself and I feel that I have let my mum down by not being able to look after her anymore.

Sorry this post is so long.

I hope everyone is coping as well as you can with pain and avoiding all the various variant of COVID.

[Arymretep]

Hi there, I know where you are coming from, I looked after my Mum who had vascular dementia and it's so hard, she lived with us so it was 24/7

I glad you e got help from social services , have you asked about respite for your Mum, mine used to go in for a week or two twice a year for me to have a break and it was a Godsend , I know it's difficult at the moment but don't be afraid to ask , that's their job.

It's easy for others to say look after yourself when you are caring for someone, especially when it's only you doing all the caring, I would say get all the help you can and as I say don't be afraid to ask, take care.

[crochetjoy]

Hi there, ah, this is so difficult a situation I did have a similar time with trying to do my best for my mum and I was also alone in doing so, despite having family

When you are in the very midst of it, I don't think you realise how much it may be affecting you and sometimes you don't think properly

I can't tell you what to do, but, I have since known other people who did not hesitate to find a place in a nursing home for their parent and, in retrospect, I wish I had had the strength to do this myself.... I now think this is actually the "strong" decision to make

I hope you are getting good support from social services, but, realistically, I fear you are not. Due to these services being so depleted, they can only help so much

I really do empathise with you and know how stressful this must be for you ... as I said though, no one can tell you what to do, it is so individual and you must do what you have to, according to your own beliefs

I do wish you all the very best, please take care of yourself, I'm sure that is what your mum would want too ❤

[bonnielass66 in reply to crochetjoy]

Thank you for replying to my post, and the lovely kind message that you typed

[bonnielass66 in reply to crochetjoy]

Hi thank you for replying to my recent post.Hopefully I will be offered some support from social services.

Take care

[Greenpeace]

Hi, I read your post with such a heavy heart about how you are trying to do the best for your Mum.

Up and down the country families are facing these terrible problems, and my heart aches for you all, and I hope and pray that our broken Health and Social Care systems get the support needed to right these wrongs, but it won’t come soon or easily. I’ll leave it there, as it is against the Guidelines to discuss Politics.

The only thing I can say in the meantime is to keep at Social Care about your and your Mums needs, and don’t get overlooked by someone else shouting louder.

Do the best you can to look after yourself, but please know that what counts in the end, is that you can live with yourself after your Mums gone, and that you know you did your best for her as her daughter.

I truly hope that things get a bit better for you and your Mum.

Hugs, GP. ❤️

[bonnielass66 in reply to Greenpeace]

Hi thank you for your lovely response to my post.It's so hard to cope with looking after an elderly parent especially when you have health issues.

Take care

[bonnielass66]

Thank you for replying to my recent post and the lovely kind and thoughtful message that you typed. Take care

[bonnielass66]

Thank you to everyone who kindly to my post.Sorry I'm not making any sense as my head is all mashed up and fibro fog is just awful.

[crochetjoy]

Rest and be kind to yourself for rest of today xx

[bonnielass66 in reply to crochetjoy]

Thank you. Please look after yourself also🤗

[NavyWave]

Dear bonnielass66Do you have your mum on a schedule? Not so much by the clock, but daily activities, meals, in the same order every day! I used to work in a skilled care facility…… it’s imperative to keep her oriented & engaged as much as possible!

For example: Good morning, mum! Today is Monday and it’s Feb.14= Valentines Day…… or ask her do you remember what Feb 14th is? Tell her the time of day!

ROUTINE, ROUTINE……… tell her what kind of day it is…… sunny, blue sky, the flowers are in bloom…… describe things……. Soft & gentle music is good each day…… Did she enjoy reading when her eyesight was better? If so, spend some time each day reading to her, it might make her drowsy enough to take a nap & offer you a well deserved break! I hope this helps & perhaps give you some ideas! GOD Bless you, for loving your Mum so much! 💕🙏🏻 From PNW 🇺🇸

[bonnielass66 in reply to NavyWave]

Thank you for replying to my recent post. You have given me my so much hope and lovely

ideàs that I hadn't thought of.

Hopefully I will be able to communicate with mum even

if only a few minutes.

Please take care

Thank you once again

[NavyWave in reply to bonnielass66]

I’m happy I could help, even if just a little! 💕🙏🏻 From 🇺🇸

[Boo73Boo]

Bless you love Don’t ever think your not doing your best for your mum. It’s so hard when your the soul career, I’m pleased to see that you’ve asked for help. Just stand your ground. Your children are right you definitely need to look after yourself love, I was always told you need too look after yourself otherwise there won’t be no you too look after our loved ones. So very true.

Please take care of yourself xxx