Sooooh. ..went to rheu'gist a couple of weeks ago after 4 years of being upped and upped on meds ended up on: 50 amitriptalin; 900 gabapentin; 8 kapake daily and diazepam / mitrazepam to try and knock me out (which never worked), always in pain fogged up to the max and haven't had a good night sleep in probably 10 years!! (no wonder my colleagues always look at me confused ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa! ). Although ive always been a lil bit absemt minded. Soooooo.. was hoping to try and become me again, so managed to wean myself off all meds a couple of months ago. Wasnt easy got to say!! Rheumy says "that's amazing because that's what the conference leaders tell us to tell you now" have a "medication holiday " .... super well done me ... now fix me please! hit the reset switch in my muddled brain, please.
Rheu'gist has represcribed me duloxetine and pregablin, says they're a good combo. Says "CBT" and "management programmes " ( im already under physio for arthritis in my leg) they want me to stand on one leg and squat a number of times a day... i say "super! " "yup" and nod thinking " are you actualy having a laugh..!!?? I can't stand straight some days let alone crack out the lotus position whilst "cleaning your teeth" they tell me Anyways. .. Rheumy follows it with" but there are none of those services available in this county" my doctor wouldn't give me the pregablin this morning as he put me on citlaopram last month and they made me feel awful " no point in them if you feel sick on citalopram" he says and sent me away with the duloxetine.
Anyways... at the Rheu'list do the "disappointed in myself" and "not who I used to be" and can't do the what I used to do"..."why do I hang the washing out and then become unconscious somedays the following 16 hours!!???" Thing. I am self employed so this past year has been tough, and let's face it...who wants to employ someone that can't get out of bed right..??!!
Followed with.. " is this in my head???!!" Because the keep draining me of blood to out into a a small testing machine and it always comes back "normal" - although my kidneys were having a bit of a wobble a lil while ago.
I always tell others "if it feels really to you. it's real" never to question themselves. But although trying to stay positive through the past few years I am proper beating myself up now! "Snap out of it " and "get a grip" is what I find myself internalising.
Soooooo. ..lovely Dr B (has the best accent of any doctor, makes me smile!) Says "this is very real, what you feel is real" .. "all of it". That made me cry. (I do that lots anyways when no one is around! )
Not sure if this will be allowed but is watched this today : painscience.com/articles/fi...
OMG... what a lovely, focused, sympathetic lady. Intelligent in her own field and leading others to possibilities which may lead to greater empathy; understanding and hopefully enhanced holistic approaches to seeing the whole person when "waste basket" diagnosis conditions and disabilities are involved.
Hhuuummpphhh... rant over! It's good to vent!! AHHHHHH! !!
Big take cares to you all. X