I am having great difficulty just trying to pull myself together to get from my bedroom to the kitchen for coffee, then to the living room to sit down and drink it.
I feel so lost. I am having fear-filled thoughts...like, what if I just run out of time while I am waiting for a liver? How sick am I going to get before I might have a chance at a second chance? What if I get my transplant and my battered immune system attacks it and my body rejects it? You cannot live without a liver.
I am terrified. I am already dealing with pain that my medication doesn't even touch. I am experiencing debilitating anxiety. I am sleep walking again [something I do when my anxiety is high] Apparently my pain is great even when I am in an altered state of consciousness, John half woke me and told me to go to bed and I moved from one chair to the sofa saying, "Can't! My legs hurt too much."
I don't want to do this. I don't want any of it. It isn't fair. I want to scream at the universe but I feel like no one is listening. I feel lost and alone and defeated, like this will be my last great battle and destiny has already seen fit that I will lose.
My sadness is overwhelming today. ;'(
Written by
Cape_Cod_Sharon
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OH Sha my love, I am so sorry you are carrying all these fears on top of your pain. I wish I could give you a ginormous (but gentle) hug. There's not a lot I can say except I am praying for you hun with all my heart. Sending you lots of love, best wishes and positive vibes.xxx
Can only say I will keep you in my thoughts and send love and hugs your way, life can be so unfair. Do keep in touch with us here, we are good at listening at least xxxx
Oh sweetheart I really feel for you , it's no point me telling you not too worry because how unrealistic would that be .
All you can do is pray if you're a praying woman , I will be praying for you and health over you're body . In the meantime can you distract yourself with doing/making something .
I suppose it depends on how you're feeling at any given moment .
It's so worrying for you and a lot of differentials to keep in mind .
Just remember it's ok to be worried and it's ok to be scared any of us would be . Bless you xx😇
You have had such a shock of your diagnosis that I can totally understand why your mind is a whirlwind of negative thoughts at the moment as you have e alot to take in. Have just received an email off a friend whole husband has had quite a bit of his liver removed. I believe he was like that at first but has now settled down a s is leading a relationship straight fired like now as long g as she is careful. Are their any support lines or forums you could talk to just to get you a little support as you probably feel very much in your own. Vent away here and we will try and support you sometimes just sharing things and being able to talk about it can help.x
Oh Cape_Cod_Sharon my heart goes out to you, I wish I was there to give you a proper hug & wave my wand to take away your painful thoughts. It's going to make you think all the thoughts under the Sun & you are going to feel very emotional, it's only natural, I would feel the same, as many other probably would too. I can't begin to imagine how you feel, it must be a bit surreal at times & then it's comes with a thunderbolt and you have to accept it. There is councelling you can have, im surprised your gp has not offered this to you. I would go see GP & tell him/her exactly what you have said here. You need a lot of support my friend & we are all rooting for you and it isn't fair, nothing much is fair in this life. You will certainly be included in my prayers & I do hope things improve for you, definitely go see your gp though as I'm sure he can refer you for counselling .
Oh you poor lady. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through.
Remember we are here supporting you and thinking of you so you don't have to face it alone. I wish we could all be there to give you one big group hug.
As others say, please try and seek some sort of support as you shouldn't be left to struggle like that alone.
Thank you Margaret [My Nan's name was Margret {Helena Margret} ]
You have all been wonderful to me and I do so appreciate it. It's a terrible place I find myself in, feeling trapped with no easy 'out'.
My GP is an ordained minister, grief counselor and a very good listener, I consider him a friend as well as my physician. I have his personal cell phone number so if I get to feeling low or scared, he is always just a phone call away. And I see him in his practice once a week. He just convinced me today that I need to be taking vitamins C and D as well as iron [I'm anemic] and calcium. I agreed as long as he promised to order labs once a month to check my liver and kidney function. I am nervous about supplements getting built up in my liver because it can't break things down and send them where they need to go.
He also increased my dosage of amitriptyline {an antidepressant} from a low 25 mg. to 100 mg. at bedtime. Here I sit 90 minutes after I've gone to bed, wide awake and answering posts. LOL
Some meds have an adverse or opposite effect on me. This is my life. I love all of you, you are wonderful and loving and supportive and I'd really be completely lost without you.
Wishing you a lot of strength. There are unfortunately many people that suffer and I hope you will find some strength through some support from some people.
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