Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Are you single/married/partner?

I just wondered how many people on here are married or in long term relationships? And if you're single and wish to meet someone new...do you worry about how they will react when you tell them that you have fibromyalgia? I think that most men wouldn't be interested, as I spend a couple of days of the week in bed.....not a full 48 hours but a lot of hours. I have additional illnesses to fibro as well. I'm really interested to read what you all think...ladies and gents

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Yea I know what you mean I think two people with Fibro would be good as then they help each other and make a life together And I'm fed up with self massage So Lin if your good at massage I'm your man 😎

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I personally wouldn't want to burden anyone with my ailments but you never know when cuspids arrows will fall😊

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Yea you never know but we are not face book I think us men are about 70 to 30 to you on the forum :-0

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Hi, I know lots of people on here have supportive partners and lots live alone. I'm sort of in the middle. I have a partner but we don't live together, we tried it but it was too much for me, I really need time to myself, to be quiet, rest and just be alone. I think this is because of the fatigue and pain. he stays a couple of nights a week and that works ok. We are supportive to each other ( he has health issues too) and I'm lucky as he does the garden and other things I can't do. We are all different I suppose. Take care, furry X

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I have 2 supportive partners, and we each live alone. Well, I have housemates, but you know what I mean.

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Tricky one. I'm single.

I'd like to think I would be a support. However when push comes to shove us men are on the selfish side. When both partners have issues then one would hope there's a degree of mutual support, and with planning most things should work.

Hidden my big issue is shoulder blades. I cant do that for myself - so it doesn't happen.

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Yea it difficult to get to those areas' Unless some one does it Iv never paid for a massage so far Look at my new post you will see the creams I use

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Imorning, im married but didn't have all my health issues when we got married, the last 3 years I've got worse, my hubby can be supportive at times but mostly he doesn't understand and expects me to do everything as normal and doesn't get the fatigue at all, I do often think I should be on my own without being judged, it's so difficult that maybe if both people had some form of illness there would be better understanding and support xx

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I am so lucky that my hubby of 40 years is so supportive and understands when I say "I'm so sorry, I just can't"....I do think he has more of an understanding because of this forum as I talk to him about it and he asks what's happening with you all....Obviously he finds the whole thing very frustrating and b..... annoying! he also has some health problems so at times I am the carer!! Have as good a day as possible..... Have you tried printing off Fibro information from our mother site so he can see the problems you have and maybe understand more of what it is like to have this awful condition....Gentle hugs xx

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I'm like Trikki , married 44 years and we've been through so many ups and downs over the years that we now understand each other's needs, I try not to talk much about illness as it makes me feel down I prefer to sort of ignore it LOL. but I know he's there if. need him, if I say I don't feel well he always says why don't I stay in bed which is good me time , and he'll see to everything as we're both retired there's no problem, and he cooks a few times a week which is great, I'm lucky I suppose, but then he's lucky too as I've always been there for him when he had his health/work problems over the years , I suppose that's what a marriage/partnership is all about, give and take .

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Hi...I've been with Steve since we were 17 in 1993! We got married in 2002 and we are now 41!

We are a fab team and we are best friends. Sometimes though I feel he doesn't quite 'get' how sore I actually am....he's fitting fit and does a very physical job so the concept of awful pain is alien to him. He does listen, makes dinner, sorts our son out in the mornings for school, picks up painkillers for me and we have a laugh - very important!

I'd hate to be without him.

xx

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It's great to hear that most of you seem to have such great marriages or relationships. I must be honest I'm 53 and at an age where people start to get illnesses and such...Diabetes..heart trouble etc. I would be there for my partner if he were ill....and I think it's a case of give and take....but I would defo be more tired than my partner, and the whole pain thing is difficult to explain. It's the fatigue that gets to me the most with this illness. Gentle hugs to all. xx

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I totally understand

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I agree the fatigue is what gets me but fight on we have too 😎

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I am single. Id like a relationship i think, but itd have to pretty low key as i am an introvert aswell as having fibro. Im 33. Xx

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I totally understand about it needing to be low key

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I was with my partner for about 20 years. He had a problem with alcohol. I did my best for him. When I got ill he acted as if I did it on purpose to upset his life! Needless to say I left him ten years ago. Now we are apart he seems to be much more understanding !! Life is odd. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone in my life again, but mostly I think it would be hard work... and I just do not have the energy.

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Narcissistic, perhaps? Him, not you.

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My partner and I use the term loosely has a problem with alcohol...he does however, seem to be able to empathise with my illness...and realises I'm tired and in pain, but his drinking increases stress and that he doesn't realise or doesn't want to realise. I think any new partner would have to understand your/our energy levels and accept that we need extra sleep...and do have a chronic illness, and perhaps if they can't understand we're better off without them

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It is amazing how many people with fibro are caring and tend to attract those with substance issues, I realise this is not always the case but it is prevalent. Personally I believe the stress of trying to live with substance abuse can be the root cause of our condition. I noticed this when I used to attend a fibro group, leaving an abusive relationship is paramount to our healing process.

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I have some sympathy with the thought that people who are already down in some way (not necessarily depressed) are more caring because they don't want to see someone else in their situation. I also believe in keeping away from toxic people. You can only help so much. They can drag you down even if they don't mean to.

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I have been married for nearly 30 years and neither of us were ill when we got married. Since them my wife has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

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I'm single and 43 and I've been ill since first breath. I was born with rare birth disease and then as years go on I've had other things pop up. I would like to be with someone but don't know who would want to be with someone who is sick and also can't have children. Hoping even at my age to still find one of the good guys I've always heard are out there somewhere;)

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Don't see it as they're doing you a favour. They would love you for you. It seems good guys are hard to get..but they are out there

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Besides, they'll have their own problems, which you'll be able to help them with. I've slowly been figuring out that even tho I'm now incapable of helping anyone with anything physical, or financial for that matter (thank you ATOS), I'm really good at providing emotional support. My partner's and friends kept telling me that they really appreciated it, and I would pooh-pooh them. Then one of my partners actually got tears in his eyes and said something like, "I hate that you undervalue yourself so much that you can't see how much I trust and depend on you." Gulp. Whoa.

We all have our own skills. You just need to find someone who appreciates and needs what you have to offer, and V.V.

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I'm a single guy im 56 this year creak/groan ive always more or less been on my own as was in care all my life so have a different outlook to others as many say you should settle down get married then same ones are either playing away or trying to work at keeping it all together!!!

Alcohol! always seems to be a big factor in many issues never touch it myself as when had makes me ill so steer well clear of along with smoking!

I prefer good friends someone you can talk to and have a cup of tea with and help each other.

I have friends that totally respect me as say i give a straight honest answer that they can go with.

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Crikey I'm 54 so more groans and squeaks. It's just something that I'd I keep for my next ( if there is) relationship to be my last, but friends are important too...hence I looking Into coffee mornings, groups etc. I wasn't specially thinking about marriage as I'm quite against it for me personally. It's good you can give someone a straight answer...with me I worry about hurting someone's feelings....Though I can be straight. I hope I can add you as a friend. I rarely drink...and gave up baccy cigs for e cigs which my GP told me he was pleased about

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I'm very honest about what I think, too. Life's too short to prevaricate. However, if I think someone might not want to hear what I have to say when they ask me a question, I'll say something like, "Radical honesty warning." Sometimes they decide that they want to hear it, sometimes not. ;)

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Hello Lins345,

I'm a single 52 year old male. I've been single now almost 4 years now.

I would love to be in a relationship, however since Fibro took over my life any relationship I have been in has not lasted.

Over the last couple of years it doesn't even get past the conversation part.

Sadly a 52 year old, long haired man with Fibro isn't appealing, I've even been told (more than once) that I should not even be considering a relationship, that I have nothing to offer any woman. Mainly once Fibro is mentioned .... Suddenly I don't even get a respo.nse to messages/texts etc.

Hope today finds you a little better than yesterday.

Blessings Be

Drew

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Rubbish! Both my partners also have physical and mental health disabilities. We understand each other really well, and can support each other from a perspective if really understanding what it's like. We don't tend to see each other that ften (5 days, once a month for the one who lives an hour away and one or maybe two nights a week for my local one). We all need our space, which is fine. It works well, especially with being poly. Then if I'm poorly and one of them needs something, they can go to their other partner(s).

(Yes, everyone knows everything. We often hang out when several of us are in the same place.)

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Hello waylay,

It's good to hear that you have found happiness and have support from/with your partners (Poly or not isn't an issue with me). If anyone is able to find happiness I say go for it.

But please, don't tell me that what I am experiencing and or feeling is Rubbish !

It is not something that I am saying just for effect or sympathy.

I am finding it difficult to cope with being alone and I will not be told that my problems are Rubbish !

I have possibly worded this wrongly or harshly and I apologise if I have.

Hoping today finds you a little better than yesterday.

Blessings Be

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I totally agree, though I wouldn't want two partners..Personal choice. Your probs aren't rubbish and that goes for us all.

Have a nice weekend x

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I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that what you're feeling isn't true, or that it isn't a problem!

I meant that telling you that you have nothing to offer a woman is rubbish! What a horrible thing to say!

Just because we're ill/disabled (which often means that we're poor as well), that doesn't mean that we have nothing to give. OK, a woman who's looking for a man to go climbing with, or tennis, maybe not. But you have 51 years of memories, experiences, jokes, and thoughts. Anyone around your age will likely have their own health issues, and you're going to understand and support them through that. Emotional support is incredibly important. Even if you can't do some things, your life has provided you with the material to do all kinds of other things! Just because you're disabled and in pain, and possibly poor, it doesn't mean you're worthless! Don't believe the "worthless scroungers" thing. You're not. We're not. You have value. You need to find someone to appreciate your value. They're out there - that's why I mentioned my partners. They value me, and I'm even starting to understand why.

Sorry if I came off as aggressive! Didn't mean it that way at all!

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I believe in a lot of ways a good partner is invaluable, and yes even if they are ill as well as you. They have the understanding...hugs, cuddles are free and good for you especially from someone special. And being able to talk to your partner is sooo important. He/she really should be your best friend...and I read this about marriage way back in the 80s..but just didn't get it then. Now I do. No offence taken. X

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Exactly!

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Thank You,

I am glad to hear you didn't mean it to be dismissive of my problems. I should have realised that I was taking it wrong and I over reacted.

I'm sorry x

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No worries! I wasn't very clear. That's what I get for replying while on morphine. ;)

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I think that's a little sad Drew. A lot of ppl get illnesses in their 50s...heart, Diabetes etc. And they have relationships. I think if you meet the right person it could improve your illness as you'll be happier. Maybe you're telling them too quickly rather than letting them get to know the real you. Take care

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Hello Lins 345,

I have always been honest about my illness but I don't tend to mention it with the first hello, tending to vary/ judge it depending on the person.

But as I said I don't even get a chance to anymore..

Hoping today finds you a little better than yesterday.

Blessings Be

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That's good about your honesty...like you though I'd leave it a while. Has your illness got worse? Just saw that you didn't get the chance anymore and I know this is an old post. x

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Not so much worse recently, but just taking it's toll I guess..

X

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