How do your other Halfs cope with your illnesses?

Over a year ago I was engaged. He found living with me very difficult and hated seeing me in pain. Once I was getting help at the Hospital he left me. He said he felt like he was more like a parent.

How do your other Halfs cope with your illnesses?

My current fella is so so good to me, but he too sometimes gets stressed out and annoyed when I don't have the energy to cook, clean etc.

If he didnt cook for me I just wouldnt eat and would just stay slothing on the sofa!

8 Replies

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  • ive been with my partner for two years he always tells me im doing too much and i should rest more and its hardly suprising i get so tierd as i do push my self no matter how i feel but having said that he is alwfully lazy and the little jobs he does eg putting the rubbish out drying up the dishes on the odd occasion arnt really worth the bother what men dnt seem to realise is that women just have to keep going its a mans world lol im defanatley coming back as a man if he hooverd the house or some d.i.y wouldnt go a miss instead of watching me then offering to make me a cup of tea after i can make a cuppa men who needs them !

  • We're teetering if I'm honest. He spent 5 years telling me I was lazy and never did anything. We're currently in sep rooms at night due to fact that if he moves it hurts me and I wake and can't sleep and he knows it and can't sleep.... you get the picture! We want to make it work but it sure is tough. This last year when he's realised there was actually something *wrong* is has got easier emotionally, but now we have to face the realities of life. But hey - at least these days he doesn't berate me for making a cup of tea and then not having the energy to drink it lol!

    Doesn't help that his job is stressful and an hour journey on a good day. Therefore he's not interested in house-worky stuff either so place is always a mess as we have 6 dogs.

  • haha let it out ladys!

    The house is really quite tidy, but in some ways I guess I am as bad as a teenager.

    He works nights and expects tea ready for him when he gets up and I don't always have the energy to do it. Especially on days when I've not been home long from work.

    Or if I've gathered enough energy to make tea I cant wash up afterwards. He'll get angry. He sometimes forgets little things are not that easy to me. He'll have a little rant and go to work in a mood, but always comes home and apologizes though.

    He likes to leave me lists to make sure I do things.

    Pick up the clothes off the floor

    Do the washing

    Hoover the Floors...

    If he didnt, I'd forget and I wouldnt do them. I need to take breaks between each and those small jobs can take me all day!

  • Oh Sloth your post brought back many memories. I had been married for a month (been together for 4 years) when I first got hit with fibro. Obviously we did not know what it was. My diagnosis came through quite quickly but it took a while to get medicine correct. I went from a one-woman show, did everything around the house and garden and worked fulltime in a high pressure job as well as having a 5 year old daughter, to being exhausted, in constant pain that made me cry out if I moved and with such tight muscles that I could not walk more than a few steps and to go up or down stairs I had to shuffle on my bum.

    My husband could not cope - he did not want to share cleaning jobs but refused to get a cleaner, said he could not push a wheelchair as it might trigger his asthma, was embarrassed to be out with me if I used an electric scooter.

    Counselling through a pain management clinic did not help.

    He decided that he "could not cope with seeing me in pain" so left!

    Been divorced for 7 years now. Has been hard going but I have survived on my own, work 3 days a week which covers the bills, have more time with my daughter who is nearly 14 and have a house that is a lot lessier than I like but I accept it (most of the time). The only long lasting negative is that I find it hard to trust people now (was too trusting before) and have become very isolated as my energy levels mean I can not do anything other than my work and running my daughter around. Lost touch with friends years ago and last time I went out, even for a coffee, was 2 years ago. Would like more people around and in an ideal life would like to meet my "perfect man" but do not have the energy to put into any type of relationship.

    Am so lucky to have a lovely daughter and supportive parents and some mobility which is a lot more than many others. Even got some choc from my daughter and cat for valentines day :-) x x

  • I'm very luck by the sound of things. My man supports me and my children, he does most my housework when i'm bad then goes home to do his. He won't even let me stand in the kitchen to keep him company while he cooks when he knows i'm bad. Also he massages my sore bits whenever i need him to. He is very supportive and i wouldnt know what to do without him.

    before i was with him i had a very unsupportive partner, the kids dad. he would get cross mort days and tell me how lazy i was, so i have had experience of both levels of support.

  • i have read your posts and some of them brought tears to my eyes,

    i am really lucky i have been with my fiance 5 yrs now and he is amazing,

    im that bad now i cant do anything no cooking, no cleaning and i cant go out on my own i also have an 18 yr old daughter and she too is amazing i would'nt know what to do without them, my sister and my mum dont speak to me anymore, think they just got fed up with me complaining!!.

    i miss cleaning and cooking so much i get very upset because things cant be done my way anymore, my fiance even helps with toilet needs where i cant reach like i said he is amazing.

  • Years of bad health was a stressful time. We both would get frustrated ( then argue over everthing), hubby would say " your ill all the time, whats the matter with you now" my reply " well if i knew that", However since December when diagnosed, ( we have both had a sense of releif) , knowing enables us to make changes to our lives) Hubby has tried to understand FMS. Sometimes as you all know its hard to explain.

    My nature is to take control ( maybe a fault in me ;), shopping, cooking, cleaning and all house related matters, I have had to take a step back. Excepting this has been hard and i am sure i have not always been the fun loving wife he married. Sometimes excepting help from others (hubby, colleagues and family ) is very hard

    My conclusion, so what if he does not :

    make the bed the way i do,

    buy a load of junk in the weekly shop,

    does not move the furniture to Hoover,

    washing the colours and whites together

    puts all my fancy cushions on the sofa the wrong way round,

    uses every piece of cutlery and crockery we have to make a simple dinner

    Hes doing it HIS way and guess what? We are doing just FINE!!. I am resting more, worrying less, so hes not perfect and stills drives me nuts somedays.

    But I should thank my lucky stars, for my Hubby x x

  • I'm very lucky with my hubby and my two sons who live at home. The first year I was diagnosed we all struggled to come to terms with it all, I was weepy and frustrated, I couldn't cope with my 12hr shifts at work, the housework was too much on top of working etc. If I have to be honest that year was so stressful for all of us, we all found it incredibly difficult and emotions ran high. However by the second year I had accepted that I was no longer the cyclone I used to be capable of doing everything and more, hubby accepted things had changed and my sons also accepted the new revised me. I had to give up work which was hard as I loved my job, but I got used to it. Since then we haven't looked back, it has eased my condition no end as I no longer have to explain how much I hurt or how completely exhausted I am all the time, they all can see the signs. Cups of tea start being offered to me, help with meals, or if I am in bed resting during a flare-up, hubby will order a meal in for us all and will even swing the hoover round the place. I am really pleased with how they all manage and handle how different I am, it makes the whole situation easier to handle all round. At the end of the day we all think if things don't get done it doesn't matter - it gets done when it gets done, simple as that! :) Life is much less stressful and we are all happy, it's all a question of acceptance I think. :)

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