Does anyone have a sex life with fm ?? - Fibromyalgia Acti...
Does anyone have a sex life with fm ??
I do, however very reluctantly as it hurts!!!!!!!! the drugs have made me lose my sex drive too....just want to be normal again.
I am paraniod my husband will go off with someone else and you know what men are like, "they have their needs"!!!!!!
mmm I kept on getting Vagalitic(not sure with the spelling) I keep getting infections in my lady parts, thoat, ears and nose... sorry to say but after 16 months my ex left me after loads of cheating... I found out confronted him and was thown out at 10.15 at night...
I have gone from being so so with coping with my FM...to not trusting no one,and not telling people I have FM, and as my ex said WHO is going to put up with you always having things wrong with you....... Sorry this is negative but it's true..... I am so glad I'm on my own but wish I could find a person to go out with on my good days.....
i do sometimes wonder why we are together still as its a living nightmare at the moment, spend all day nearly everyday on my own and when he comes home i hate him coming into my space lol xx
I did until 18 months ago when I had a rectocele repaired. I tried it once or twice after that and it was extremely painful. However, the thing is I really have lost all desire for a sex life. I don't know whether it is because of the surgery, or the fact that I am so overweight, or the drugs, or because my lovely husband thinks he'll break me, or because I rarely go to bed until about 3am, or a combination of any or all of the above. So no, I'm not getting any either, I wish I felt like it, I really miss it.
Rarely. I want to, but the pain makes us both very reluctant. On my off days I get quite down thinking that my partner might look for some intimacy elsewhere, but he really is a sweetheart and wants to put me first.
I do, we choose ways of doing it that will hurt me less, and if i'm too sore we don't. Im usually very out of breath and achy afterwards aswell but it's worth it (: If my pain was any more severe i don't think i would as much, so we'll see how long it lasts x
Hi , new here , read this question with total confusion , as I was convinced my pain - tightness and complete inability to have intercourse was nothing to do with fm - now am rethinking ....it always ends up in a heap of tears as hubby scared of hurting me and im fed up of saying dont ,, x
when i do indulge and reach those dizzy heights i feel as if the muscles in my back go into spasm then the pain spreads like wild fire so i try my very best not to reach those heights Its my husband i think of but he says he cant enjoy our love life knowing that it brings so much pain for me Its a bleedn good job that a good and strong marriage will over come anything thats thrown at it xx
Hi there,
I am the husband of a very beautiful wife who has FM. She has been diagnosed for about 8 years. My wife has never had a very strong libido but just recently it has been almost 0. I try to be really understanding and I do love her so much but I have to admit I get very frustrated - not with her but with the FM.
Hello, new here too. I was thinking my lack of wanting to was down to the fact we have been married 30 years! Anyway, there are ways of keeping your man happy and they don't have to be grose. When there is little pain, and I have watched a loving film we try. Sometimes need a little help with lubrication, and never manage for me to keep going for long, but a little help for my hubby, noises and talking about what he would like to do [fantasy world] helps him and makes me feel better about helping him. However, sometimes I get the urge and he is not there so I help myself. With no weight or difficult positions causing problems, I can enjoy myself to the full - but probably only once a month. Although I do get urges more after coming once. My FM and arthritus are based in my hips so I do have to be careful. However, I am well practiced in self indulgence and the release of tension is great. I don't want to be too explicit here, but toys help and excite him too. Explore this idea and see if it helps. If you are worried about losing your man then maybe showing you are willing to try to keep him happy and showing interest in his life outside of home will also help. Talking things through after a bad bout of pain or a time of depression has helped me/us. I have never wanted sex as much as he has so I cannot blame it all on FM. Only known about FM since last summer when it was a possible diagnosis for me. Good luck and be kind to your partner. My husband does his best to help and understand generally.
i like you sarah-jane xx
I do have a sex life but not very often. The fact I don't have the energy to most of the time and that I often fall asleep when at the pub etc. then dating has always been a problem. Anybody already married is lucky 
I've had a few unneeded comments on lads. Thankfully I've found an amazing amazing guy who I have lived with for the last 2 years. He took on caring for me straight away as I was struggling when I met him. It's brilliant.
go girl lol xxx
I also suffer from the after effects of SPD so my sex life is fairly rare, thankfully he's an understanding chap. We're managing about three times a year, everytime we do I suffer so badly for days after that he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt me again.
Hi there,
I know you wrote this a couple of years ago but I would really like to know if there are other men out there who are carers of a partner/spouse who has fibromyalgia, who are willing to communicate with me - so that we can offer support to each other. My wife has had fibro for about 10 years and I would like to know how other carers remain strong and provide all the love and support to their partner/spouse most of the time. I consider myself to be a very caring person but I have to admit I find it very difficult. I love my wife very much and I just want myself and her to always be close. Any support would be much appreciated. Thanks to all of you who read this post and reply...
Hi everyone, I too have a very little sexlife and in the first 18months of having fm we had sex twice and on both occasions it hurt like hell also leaving me in tears and pain,as tme has gone on weve tried but like a lot of you i feel over weight and no sex drive and before we try i know its going to be the least sexiest thing to do as i have skin sensitivity so hard to be touched. ive also panicked that my hubby will look eslewhere but he's been great that way.funny thing is i've found it hard to sleep this week so woke him up 3times for sex,god knows whats going on but i'm not knocking it lol.i did ask my specialist over the pain when having sex and he did say its just part of the fm.somehow got to work with it but it doesn't help the stress factor over your partner and if you don't have sex you feel guilty and if you do you put yourself through pain during and after,argghhhhh can't win but helps to know your not the only one
Hi everyone
So glad to know that I am not alone. Happily married for 32yrs and have a wonderful husband but would quite happily never have sex again. But we do get around to it sometimes unless my skin is ultra sensitive.
Actually sex is one of the things I do for pain relief! Sounds mad, and I guess in lucky but the rush if endorphins means I often get about 10 mins without pain. Normally in pain 24/7 so 10 mins is an event. Have to be careful eith positions and has to be a quickie! Plus he has to do all the work. Though lately my meds mean I'm too sleepy at night. But still manage about once a week! Helps if he gives me a massage first too!
During sex I get pain relief too, But after sex it's horrible generally. very very very painful.
Sex gives me pain relief, have a lovley partner who also is worried of hurting me...we r working thru it...but yeh...after reading this I seem to be one of the luckier ones... massage is great! x
my husband and i split up last june due to my fibro depression panic attacks but sex life was virtually non exsistant x
Just to say my boyfriend and I have a very good sex life. He's doing a diploma in massage which really helps with both my pain and getting me in the mood. Sometimes the fear of pain is worse than the pain itself, yes sometimes when we have sex I struggle to walk the day after but I'd rather that than go the rest of my life living in fear of sex. Personally, I find the sex itself doesn't hurt, possibly because endorphines are the most natural powerful painkiller, it tends to be the day after I suffer but it's absolutely worth it. My advice to anyone out there is don't build sex up into something impossible, you're never going to be a yoga master in the bedroom department but you can find positions that don't hurt especially if you have an accomodating partner who is willing to take the lead - just take it easy and work out what your limits are. x
Oh Rach1977, you are brilliant. You have said what most of us think but dont like to say. I have been celebate since 2000 due to FM & CFS. I think if I tried I would fall asleep. LOL Gentle Hugs to all.
Still have a sex drive! Although it bloody hurts so we find other ways to get the same result!
i am really worried i have not had yet found the right guy but am really quite concerned about not been able to have children due to the pain of intercourse is this over thinking things or am i on the right path
No.
thank you xx
I agree wholly with Sarah Jane, i too have arthritis in my hips and sacro illiac joints that makes sex a bit difficult. However there are positions that don't put strain on those areas and having a sensitive partner helps too. I find that orgasms help my spasms and is often the only way i get to sleep! Don't be afraid to suggest new things,. Try oral or mutual masturbation.. he'll be a happy bunny.. and might put the spark back in your relationship
Oh, these comments are so sad, especially Miss1968. I need to mention a very important subject VULVODYNIA ! Please research it, and get some support. I have Fibro, and I have Vulvo too. One is bad enough, but both, is horrendous ! Neither have a cure, but both need support. I thought I was going nuts (exactly how I felt before the Fibro diagnosis) Thank God, I finally got the the answers from my local GU Unit (they aren't just there for VD's !), and they are helpful and very understanding. They usually get Dermatology involved as well, which proved useful. If you are experiencing pain, in or around your Vulva/Vagina, then don't just presume it is Fibro (although, as expected, they are linked) There are two types...provoked (by touch/penetration etc) or unprovoked (feel pain there all the time) Due to this, I have lost my sex drive. But getting the diagnosis has helped my patient hubby of 35 years, to understand why, at least. Embarrassing subject for some, which is why so little is known about it. You may have it, you may not, but please find out...and spread the word about it. It's so wrong for women, to be suffering in silence !
Vulvo was my first classic symptom. Ached for years and progressive pain, but this was the first acute. I even had surgery to remove damaged nerves - been worse since. Mine is unprovoked and I TOTALLY sympathise with you on this - all of you. We used to be able to try other things, but being blunt, as soon as I feel any kind of arousal it makes everything become so painful I'm just not interested. My beloved husband is so understanding now - although it took him about 8 years to get to terms with it. I don't really know why he's still with me as sex is very important to him. Really worries me he will go off with someone else as many others of you feel.
My partner and I talk about it a lot. We both crave the sexual and sensual experience. Communication is key. We have experienced much of the above. Different positions can help, but not all the time. Today, we have come up with something else. He is going to look into making/building furniture that will help with our sex life. Me being comfortable is very important.. and as i said, different positions don't always help. Having a 'perfect height' padded bench/table/ etc.. would help a lot. A sex swing that is very soft and has padded leg, arm and head braces also would help. Get the picture? We are very open minded so sex toys are also a good option, but of course, there is nothing better than skin on skin, so to speak.
Also, I would like to add that I get pain relief from endorphin's too, and not only by orgasm. We live a D/s lifestyle. Having my bottom spanked is not just a turn on, but a pain reliever. Bit weird huh? haha.. but it's one of the many 'sensations' that can work for me. I often thought about 'why' it could possibly be so. I have discovered that it may be because its a type of pain I can control, and i get the endorphin rush because i enjoy it.
Hope this open's up a new dimension for someone.
all we have done is try different positions til we found a few that work and go with them. we are not all meant to be rabbits!
just dont have the energy for sex .spend my life asleep My body is worn out .and too painfull .last thing on my mind is sex ,,feel sorry for my hubby !
hi to all yes i can say sex is hard but i take two codeine phosphate 30 mg about 20 mins before having sex which helps with having sex still have pain but not to the point i can have sex so it helps me so for some people this might work its all about trying to get the wright timing and just let your self go for it pleasure pain as they say hope it helps
I know drugs like Pregablin (Lyrica) can adversely affect your sex drive.
Does any one know any pain killers that dont have this adverse effect?
Thanks.
Drug side effects affect everyone differently and it can be very hard to predict this, especially as some of the rarer side effects listed for a medication that have come out of trials may not have been down to the medication itself.
Codeine or Co-codamol does not have the side affect of decreased libido listed on this website (below), which I have always found to be useful (if American):
nope xxx husband not happy about this bit. x
so i am not the only one 
feel very loving to partner but a hug satisfies me and even then he cant hug me the way he used to (big bear hugs) i feel sexy sometimes but it passes and nt having sex doesnt bother me much but i feel for him as he is so good and is always payin me compliments and admiring me i wish i could feel the way i used to maybe a female viagra ?? i know i would be in pain afterwards but there is also the pleasure side and release of endorphines etc xx amanda xx
ive only just found this, thanks for re assuring me Im not alone. after having my youngest daughter I had very little feeling in my vagina strange as she was born be c section, I dont lubricate well and have now got a partial collaspe of veginal wall,sometimes the pain in my hips make it impossible, also my orgasms are strange just one long contraction, after 38 yrs together its diffcult to keep a good sex life going, but it is importaant so we try
I have sex all the time...with myself : ) Single isn't all it's cracked up to be! I find that an orgasm at night is the best way to fall asleep. I also find that an orgasm in the morning is the best way to wake up!
Not anymore, The pain sure doesn't help that's for sure, but afraid Fibro has seen of my relationship, being single isn't much fun with Fibro lol
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