IVF and mental health - anyone else in the same boat? (Potentially sensitive, apologies in advance)

[Dogbiscuits28]

Hi,I have several posts already about my journey and struggles, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else has been in a similar position with mental health issues while trying to do IVF and how they dealt with it/felt about it.

I was first diagnosed with depression at 15yrs and put on antidepressants. Since then I have never managed to come off my medication for more than a few months, and periodically (for various reasons) have mental health setbacks. The most recent was after my IVF tries in 2023, ruining my career and loosing my job - it was pretty awful and ended with a stay in psychiatric hospital last summer.

I am starting to climb out of it now - am trying to get a job and piece some kind of life back together. However, as I approach 44 I can also see the chances of ever being a mother fading and want to get back to the IVF. I am trying really hard to be okay with double donation, but the question of whether what I am doing is fair to a potential child weighs heavily.

I also can't come off my mental health medication while I do this. I know this is an incredibly sensitive issue, but does anyone else have this dilemma but still desperately wanting to be a Mum?

Any thoughts welcome whether you have mh or not, and please DM if you don't want to share publicly.

[Cridog]

Hi Dogbiscuits28, I am so sorry to read about your struggles. It's incredibly tough not to be able to have a child and it must be so incredibly much harder when struggling with mental health issues on top of that. It's brutal.

I also went through IVF in 2023 after trying for many years. I found it very, very difficult when this wasn't successful. At the time, I was really struggling with mental health, but I was too scared of even talking to my doctor and the therapist at the clinic about my issues for fear of not being denied IVF treatment if they thought I wouldn't be suitable as a mother. After the IVF failed and having a horrific experience with our clinic, I felt things got much worse with my mental health and I almost ended up having a breakdown.

In the end, we decided to move to a clinic abroad (we have 1 frozen embryo and 5 frozen eggs), despite my mental health issues not being somehow resolved. I fear all the time whether I would be a good mother if I'll ever become one, but then I try to shut off these thoughts. I struggle with this almost every day.

I'm also almost 44, and I hugely fear that I'll never be a mother. Even the thought paralyses me to move in any direction, and it took me 2 years to get back to IVF.

So I'm trying to say is that I somehow understand what you're going through, and I empathise so much with you because I'm, more or less, in a similar position.

I'm not sure what advice can help to get some hope, but I really do hope for you that you'll be able to get what is best for you.

Sending you lots of love.

[Endofitall]

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I have no direct personal experience but I think I can understand some of your fears. I have severe endo, menstrual migraine and PMDD. My only solace when I’m in the depths of PMDD awfulness and feeling suicidal is that I have with a lot of help and support been able to get strategies together so that I can try and remember that it will pass in a few days time. Each time I’m at that point I do think about those who suffer with severe depression and anxiety where there is no clear timeline on when you’ll feel better, and I have so much empathy. My endometriosis has also flared badly with TTC and IVF. And I’ve often gone from being a very active person to being crippled in pain and fatigue with it. I’ve often felt a shadow of my former self and needing so much more practical support from my husband and parents to get through the day to day. I’ve even had to cut hours at work.

So then I feel how am I ever going to manage being a parent. When I can many days seem to struggle to function to just look after me. The fears I have shared with my husband. And the conclusion we’ve come to is that before this TTC and IVF “journey” I was managing all my conditions really well (by having medication to keep my menstrual cycles switched off). So there’s every evidence and hope that’ll happen again. Unfortunately the stress emotionally mentally and physically of this process, the upset, the hormonal changes, are just incredibly cruel if you have underlying conditions triggered by them, and mental health conditions will fall in that category.

We have had a long chat recently and we know we can’t keep doing this much longer. It pains my husband to see me suffering too and of course it affects him also. It is very hard to draw a line when you’ve been on this journey so many years and just never know if the next treatment is the one to work.

Sorry I can’t really give advice but I hope that helps a bit in some way to make you feel less alone xx

[Monsie97]

Hiya,

I will DM you