Feeling Mother's Day blues - anyone else out there feeling the same?

[Dogbiscuits28]

18 months ago, at 41/42yrs old, I did three rounds of solo ivf. It was really hard, I had no support, and it was scary. I then had a mental breakdown and lost my job and ruined my career (I am not exaggerating).

Now, I am almost 44, I have had to move in with my parents, I am still looking for work and the likliehood of being able to get a job and therefore try ivf again is looking more and more bleak. My family have all moved onto the fact that I am not having children, but I am finding that hard to take.

It is Mother's day, and I love my Mum, but today feels extra hard. It doesn't help that I have two sisters who have three children each, and they are all wanting to hang out over Easter. I love them too, but right now, while my life is a mess and my chances of IVF even happening let alone working have dwindled away to almost zero, I just can't cope.

Is anyone else out there feeling anything like the same way?

[RedFox23]

Hi Dogbiscuit, I wanted to send you a message to say you’re definitely not alone! IVF can be all consuming- emotionally, financially, socially!

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a rough time, especially with it being Mothers Day today. I have no advice to give but sometimes it’s comforting to know there are other people in similar situations.

I have also have had a failed cycle. I quit my job thinking that would leave me more free to attend appointments / less stressed but actually it hasn’t quite worked out as planned. Some days are trickier than others.

I’m sure most women on here have felt down and a little lost at some point, ivf is a minefield! Sending you lots of love and hoping things improve for you x

[Booda21]

I just wanted to send a message to say I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. This whole process is extremely brutal on your mental and physical health. Mother’s Day can always be a triggering day when you’ve given so much to try and get that title. Take it easy on yourself. It sounds like it’s really had such a huge impact on your life. All you can do is take it day by day and slowly try and rebuild bit by bit. You’ve been extremely brave to do this alone, remember there is always support in this group. Hope you’re feeling a little better today xx

[purplerain157]

I am so sorry that everything feels so difficult for you right now. I hear you, and I am also on this journey solo. I’m in my 5 th year of actively trying, first with my own eggs and then with DE. In Dec was told I had RIF and am not on a new protocol. First round was again neg and I am due to start another end of the week. Emotionally, I am okay some of the time and an absolute mess at others. It just feels motherhood was never meant to be for me. It is all I have ever wanted. If you need an ear, send me a message. Thinking of you.

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to purplerain157]

I am just debating DE - especially as I am now about to be 44yrs old. I could go with my previous clinic in Bulgaria - I really liked the doctor and he has said it is 10,000lv (~£4500) for three donor egg transfers. However, within two unsuccessful transfers (admittedly with my own eggs) I am wondering what I can do to make the transfers more successful.

Did you go abroad or at home?

[Kitkat10 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Just to wish you the best of luck and encouragement with DE. I had 3 failed transfers with my OE at age 41, then the first DE transfer at 42 worked.

It can definitely at times feel like everything is against us and I felt very close to breakdown myself on several occasions so I can relate to how you feel. But, things often seem worse than they are, particularly when we are going through this. You are doing brilliantly, just keep moving forward and step by step, things will start to feel better. It’s a really rough time but DE does give you more time and success rates are really good during and beyond mid and later forties. Good luck xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Kitkat10]

Can I ask you to DM which clinic you went to? And your experience with them? Thank you!