ASD in older men

[Milo2011]

Hello everyone

I just had my counselling with our couples counselor today who’s been helping us throughout our journey for the past 18 months. This was a one to one session without my parents present so we both felt more comfortable to talk about things. For those of you who’ve read my post before might know that my partner is not open to using donor sperm. She believes my partner is on ASD and mentioned this at the very first session but he’s not interested to talk about it.

In the counselling session that I received follow our recent failed cycles it was also suggested by the clinic counsellor that my partner may be on ASD. Of course he didn’t attend the session but through the conversation I had with the therapist and describing his behaviors she suggested that he may well be on the spectrum.

Our couples counsellor in our private session today highlighted the risk of autism in children with old fathers and in our case we may have the genetic factor in addition to the age factor. My partner is 52 and by the time we finish our cycles he will have been 55. I’ve done a random google search and it seems like the age factor is pretty backed up by scientific research. I don’t know what to expect as when I think about the odds after having years of trouble conceiving and ending up caring for an autistic child gives me cold feet to carry on with the process.

My counsellor works in a school with autistic children and I am sure that she’s not giving me incorrect information… she did mention that she doesn’t want to demotivate me but to think thoroughly about the risks.

As for the clinic and why they have not pointed it out so far I can only think that they’re not psychotherapists and wouldn’t know if we are on the spectrum plus their job is to provide assisted conception so they don’t think too deeply about risks or our genetic background.

it would be much help if you lovely ladies share your thoughts with me.

Sending you love and strength

[Monsie97]

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear that are dealing with this dilemma. Autism does run in families and there is a genetic loading if one parent has ASD. It gets bigger if more family members have it but does not necessarily mean your child will have it even if they have older parents. Autism is also on a spectrum so people are impacted by it in many different ways. Many autistic young people are high functioning and lovely independent individuals. They struggle more with social interactions/situations. I hope your husband is leading a healthy lifestyle and hopefully taking supplements which will help.

I think it must be so hard to hear that during your fertility journey. I think I will find it hard to stop but autism is a risk but not a certain.

[Woolooblue]

I think a lot of people hear autism and think of children who can't communicate and are extremely difficult. That is just one aspect of autism and it affects people in many different ways, and not all of them are negative! Autism is a hugely misunderstood area and seriously lacks research, people still believe it is caused by vaccines(!!!) even though it has been proven to be genetic. The 1st thing should be to talk to your husband and see if he is willing to be assessed. There are other things that can cause traits that look like autism, like trauma for example. If he is autistic, he will have experienced traits from childhood.

The important thing to remember is that you are wanting a baby with your partner because you want a child that is part of them. You clearly love your partner and if he has ASD then that hasn't prevented you from loving him.

People act like having an autistic child is a death sentence. It is anything but!

[Woolooblue in reply to Woolooblue]

I will add, both my husband and I have ADHD, so if we are successful in getting pregnant together then our child will likely have ADHD too. I am honestly hoping they do, because then they will be like us!