I had a failed FET in March and I’m meant to do a natural FET at the end of the month. A new position opened up at work. I hesitated a long time before applying and eventually thought that I’d had enough of putting my life on hold because of infertility. I was informed that I got the job this week (start in September) and now I’m having second thought as to whether we should do the transfer this month. I’m really worried about potentially going on maternity leave so soon after getting the job and what people at work would think of it.
Any thoughts/advice would be really helpful. 🙂 I’ve found it really hard to open to friends.
Thank you!
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Stella__
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Don’t spend any energy worrying about what anyone else thinks, your life, not theirs. I know that’s easier said than done but the reality is that your employer is a temporary feature in your life. In the future they may make hundreds of redundancies, or you may change companies etc etc (plus it’s illegal to discriminate against you in anyway). You won’t be the first person to take a promotion and get pregnant in the same year, and you won’t be the last either
Think big picture, and think about you, and do what is right for you x
I wouldn’t put your life on hold any further, be it the promotion or the transfer. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t go ahead with the transfer, as you know it’s a 50/50 chance. Hopefully it’ll be successful and you shouldn’t worry about the consequences. I always tell people that we are disposable/replaceable at work, therefore our life comes first.
Also, everything will fall into place. I remember accepting a job then a couple of weeks before I started, I found out I was pregnant. I kept quiet and told them a few months later. It was absolutely fine, they got me a mat cover and things continued as they should. If your transfer is successful then at least you’ll return to a better position after your mat leave. Congratulations on the promotion! Xx
Thank you, Nenad! And thank you for sharing your experience. I don’t know anyone close to me who’s gone through something similar so it’s useful to hear 🙂
huge congratulations on your promotion ! , I’d say go ahead as is something super important for you xx , in my workplace I’ve had 2 colleagues who had been promoted whilst in early pregnancy and have gone for their Mat leaves for 1 year soon after and then come back to their jobs xx we should normalise that. Sadly we are so far away from seeing that as the norm, that we tend to try to plan life around work, put your priorities in a balance and go with what your heart tells you , in the end work will always be there xx best of luck with whatever you decide to do xx
Thank you, Hopewhite, that’s very kind. You’re right, it should be normalised. I’ve been feeling quite angry about all this, the fact that my husband doesn’t have to worry about any of this. My boss actually knows that I had a failed transfer earlier in the year and they’ve been very understanding. Thank you for taking the time to reply x
Huge congrats on your promotion. Personally, I think that you should go ahead with the transfer this month. I’ve just done my first IVF cycle (44 and single) and recently asked for an upgrade in my job title and a pay rise. I’ve had some twinges of guilt and concerns that it will look bad if I (please G0d) eventually tell them that I’m going on maternity leave. But I figured - women are allowed to have babies; it’s the law that they have to keep our jobs open for us; and men don’t have to put up with this bullsh*t. Best of luck to you xx
Thank you! I completely agree! The guilt really is there and it’s so hard to remind myself that, at the end of the day, it’s just work. I really hope this cycle works for you! Xx
Stella, I spent my entire 20s putting work first - it’s given me no benefits and now in my 30s since the IVF every attempt has been what has come first. Family should always come first xx
Just to add to this. I’ve spent my whole life working 24/7 and have now found myself 44, single and alone. It was only when I hit my 44th birthday earlier this year that it hit my like a ton of bricks, and I realised I wanted a child. It was a huge mistake - I got my priorities completely wrong, and I can only pray that I’ve not left it too late now x
I've just gone through a similar thing. Just got a promotion which is a 2yr secondment. I started last week and my next round of ivf is in July 🤷♀️. Don't put your life on hold for the sake of a job it's really not worth it.
As everyone has don’t put your transfer on hold. I had this conundrum before applying to my current job. Obviously I want your transfer to be successful, but what, I thought, if it isn’t? I knew I’d regret not applying to it. And so I took the job and worried about exactly the same issue and then it turned out I needed another procedure before I could have my transfer anyway.
Basically, the message was its really easy to think we need to put our lives on hold because we are waiting for this thing to happen, but we need to keep on doing, pushing, living or our other parts of our lives will suffer. Please don’t feel guilty, you haven’t even had the transfer yet!! And pregnancy is just part of life. There’s no reason for you to worry xx
definitely don’t worry about it, in my mind i always think if the FET works then great I’ll figure it out with work… if not then i can focus on work, enjoy the distraction and the fact that I’m building that part of my life more. I went for a huge promotion at work not long before a FET last September (after several BFN/losses)… now 41wks pregnant and waiting for little one to arrive. Work was totally understanding about it and we have a good mat leave plan - ultimately there are also those who get pregnant w/o trying and work will accommodate them so shouldn’t be any different! Xx
well you will be working at least 8months into the new role before maternity leave, so I would not worry to much about that plus it’s in the same company that you work in.
Do not worry what people think and say this is your journey
Go for it. There is no certainty sadly that your FET will be successful. You will absolutely kick yourself if you don't go for it and you don't get pregnant from this FET. Xx
is your new job in the same company? If so then I wouldn’t worry about it. Even if it isn’t as long as you’re aware that you’ll only get SMP then there’s nothing to worry about. You’ll be in your job for 8-9 months before someone has to cover you and they’re not allowed to discriminate and nor should anyone have any bad thoughts about someone trying to start a family. Just go ahead with your FET and relax. Maybe try some yoga. Good luck!
Obviously it is completely up to you, but I'd say don't put your life on hold because of IVF. There is never going to be a perfect time to do it. I changed jobs (to a much more senior role) about 6 months before we started IVF. I felt guilty about it but at the same time, it's not my fault that we had spent 3 years trying for a baby before then and hadn't succeeded. I ended up doing 2 FETs and I'm now 34 weeks pregnant and going off on maternity leave in a month. I've been in my new role for 18 months and STILL feel a bit guilty about heading out. Take the promotion, do your next round of IVF. The worst case scenario is also the best one, you get pregnant straight away and have to tell your company. They will deal with it and you will be thrilled!
Best of luck with both the promotion and the transfer! Xx
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