I am writing this from the Airport in Alicante. We had egg collection yesterday with our clinic here and was overjoyed that they collected 7 eggs. I got a phone call this morning from my consultant this morning to say that 0 of the eggs fertilised and we have a phone call with him on Thursday to discuss next possible steps. We were due to stay in Alicante until 30th but booked a flight back hoke this evening. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement.
I am 36, have endometriosis, very low AMH, hydrosalpinx in both tubes. My plan was to have 2 rounds of egg collection, tube removal and then embryo transfer but it hasn't proven as easy as that.
In August 2024, I was really sick and in hospital. My Inflammation was sky high - it was 210 but shouldn't be higher than 5. This was a week before we were due to start stims. Not ideal. I was treated for a bowel infection. I stayed off work and we started stims at the end of September. I have noticed anal fissures that get worse when I exercise since then.
In egg collection early October we had 7 eggs retrieved and 3 of these made it to day 5 blastocysts- they are frozen. I was on 150 Gonal F and 75 Meriofert.
We went again straight away but sadly this cycle got cancelled in day 8. I only had 1 follicle growing and was advised to cancel the cycle.
We started our 3rd cycle on Friday 13th December. On our day 5 scan (we came out to Alicante for the scans), I had 1 19mm follicle and some other smaller ones. Our consultant said it was likely EC would be Monday 23rd - which it was. We were scanned last weds, Thurs and Friday and all looked OK- the smaller follicles were catching up really well. 7 eggs were retrieved yesterday but 0 fertilised. I was on 150 Gonal F and 150 Meriofert instead of 75.
At the airport now feeling really lost. This is a really tough journey. Does anyone have any similar stories or words of advice?
Thank you so much if you have read to this far. I wish you all a peaceful Christmas and hope that you are all holding up as well as you can xxx
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Endowarrior36
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Hi there, I can imagine this being horrendous when you have had your heart set on having more blasts to freeze. This journey is incredibly tough . You do have 3 blasts though which is great! I only had one and she is currently destroying my sleep and mental stability! It’s corny but you only need one.
Be easy on yourself and try to enjoy your Christmas. Hopefully in the new year you’ll have a bub in arms… xxx
Thank you so much for your reply EjHack. How special you have your little girl 🩷 this journey is horrific. I don't have many words for it at the moment.
Did you do anything to boost egg quality? Our consultant is keen for us to pgta test the three little frozen embryos. I don't know where I stand with it. My head is all over the place today. It really doesn't feel real with all the hard work of the stims and feeling rough with them, the elation of yesterday and then how awful today has been. Xxx
I didn’t do PGTA. I had one blast so one shot at it before I had to go all over again. They told me the heading though… 2BB so pretty low grading. I think if I chose to do PGTA i would not be a well woman! Despite a low grading, she’s perfect if not a little feisty.
It is a personal choice which I would not like to influence you on however a wise other IVF person said she would save her money and go with transfer. If they are to not be successful then so be it. Better than having another few days waiting game on top of the TWW which is a WHOLE different ballgame!!
Be proud of yourself Mumma! You’ve got three on ice!! You have done better than most! Xxxx
Aww this is such a kind reply and I must say it has warmed my heart. Thank you so much.
I'm sure your little girl is perfect. She is very lucky to have a lovely mummy like you!
We had our first round under NHS last year and we had a day 3 transfer. I was demented during the 2ww. What an awful time. We know now that it never really stood a chance due to my hulydrosalpinx in my fallopian tubes. This journey was sent to test us and boy it has.
I'm wishing you a lovely Christmas with your beautiful daughter. Thank you for your kind words and advice xxx
Oh and no, I didn’t do anything to improve my egg quality. My AMH was real low as well.. I chose not to read into anything which was really naïve. If I were to do it again, I would take COQ10 and DHEA for 3 months. Xxx
Hello Endowarrior36, I am sorry about your last cycle💜. I can relate to your experience and it’s heartbreaking. What kept me going was my 2 good eggs in store😌 sending you cyber hugs.
My story; I had my first cycle, collected 7 eggs, and had 2 euploid and 1 aneuploid after PGTA. I had a 2nd cycle and collected about 5 eggs which all failed to fertilise due to sperm quality. I transferred my 2 euploids at different intervals and they both failed. I am planning another cycle. I have been advised to take DHEA but I can’t get it in the UK.
Wish you all the best in your next cycle. I'm UK based and I've been able to get DHEA from iHerb- uk.iherb.com/pr/davinci-lab... I am hoping to do my 2nd IVF in Jan... recently had a MC at 5wks thT was a Letrozole cycle with Estrogen and Progesterone....
Do these help egg quality? My consultant told me not much I can do..did IVF round in September and got 5 eggs and none fertilised. have 20month old from previous round when I got 18eggs and 3 5D blastocyst but it was almost 3yrs ago now so this was a big shock how much your reserve deteriorates with age..
and I wish you all the seasonal greetings and baby vibes for the new year darling! It’s hard but worth it. Put it in to the universe that it will happen and it will! 💫💫💫👶🏽👩🍼🌸🌸🌸❤️💋
I’m sorry this has happened, I know that each cycle can be different. I had quite variable egg numbers collected each time for no apparent reason. Three blastocysts is really good though 🙏 it took me 3 egg collections to get a total of 3 blastocysts. It’s a really frustrating part of this process that sometimes, there doesn’t seem to be any answers. Good luck with everything going forward, keep going, you’re doing so well, just got to hang in there x
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me Kitkat10 - you have definitely replied to one / some of my other posts / cries for help before 🙏 thank you xx
This process is tough. Really tough. We have a phone call with our consultant tomorrow so hopefully we will have a plan going forward.
Thank you again for your support when I have needed a friendly and reassuring word. I wish you a Merry Christmas xxx
Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this—it’s such a hard journey. But having three blasts is definitely something to celebrate. We’ve had a similar experience: we went through three NHS-funded rounds, which were incredibly traumatic, and unfortunately, nothing came of them. We then moved to a private clinic and had three egg collections, retrieving 10, 7, and 6 eggs respectively. Out of those, only one egg matured enough to be fertilized in each round. That gave us three blasts—one from each cycle.
Last year, we got pregnant from one of those blasts, but heartbreakingly, we lost our little miracle less than three months later. We still have two frozen blasts and are currently in the middle of another collection round, which we expect will be our last. We’re planning to transfer anything we get from this round, but we’re terrified of more disappointment or ending up with just one embryo again.
We’ve decided not to test any embryos because of the mixed reviews we’ve received. My acupuncturist even mentioned that some embryos marked as low quality or chromosomally abnormal during testing could still lead to successful pregnancies. That gave us hope. One of the women in the comments also mentioned her low-graded embryo resulted in a successful pregnancy, which further reinforced our decision.
It’s normal to feel lost in your situation—it’s something so many of us have experienced. There are moments when you sit there and think, “I’ve given everything to this, and this is all I have to show for it.” But don’t lose hope. At least transfer the blasts you have and see where it leads.
For context, I have endometriosis and had severe fibroids, which we believe caused last year’s miscarriage. I had surgery to remove the fibroids a year ago, and it’s been a tough recovery, dealing with infections and undergoing countless biopsies. I finally got the green light to start pre-stims injections at the beginning of December. We are due to start stims injections this week - I have also been on DHEA and thousand other supplements. But I got blood tests to make sure that the supplements are supplementing the right things…how are you finding DHEA? Makes me feel awful!
This process is exhausting and heartbreaking, but you’re not alone. My experience is so similar to yours, and I know how isolating it can feel. Be as gentle with yourself as possible. Here’s hoping 2025 brings good news for both of us. Sending love and strength. Xxx
Chegotsi, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a year you have had. You sound so positive and in a really good heads pace right now. You are very brave.
It sounds as though surgery really took it out of you. Are you feeling better now?
That's interesting about the pgta testing and what your acupuncturist said. How often have you been going to acupuncture? I had been doing acupuncture, reflexology, homeopathy - the works, but I just found it all an extra stress and wasn't relaxed during or after it. My stress levels are thought the roof right now.
I'm finding the DHEA OK. I have tried to take melatonin several times and have noticed it gives me really bad diarrhoea- sorry if that's TMI! It's just so difficult to know what I should or should not be taking.
So are you going ahead with stims next week? What medication will you be taking? I am wishing you the very best of luck for all of this. Sending positive vibes, love and strength to you xxx
I don’t know about being positive 😂 my head space is much better than the start of the year. I went back to therapy and that really helped!
Thank you for your kindness. Yes surgery really took it out of me - emotionally funny enough. I was so focused on physical recovery I didn’t think about the emotional recovery. Probably the lowest emotionally I have been in all the 7 years of this terrible journey. I was so depressed. It totally changes you doesn’t it…I’m feeling much better now. Not totally how I was at the start of 2023 but somewhere in the middle.
Ohh I love acupuncture - I have trained my brain to totally shut off while I’m there now. I tend to aim for at least once a week. It took me a while to settle into it though. It really does calm the anxiety. I do it for that only - calming my mind. Like like now I feel to found up tight. I’m due my period which will mean the start of stims but I’m already on growth hormone injections as of the last 3/4 weeks but I feel like I have been on stims already lol! I wish I could have accupunture to just give me that balance. I do reflexology as well - a little treat to myself but not as often at all. Never tried homeopathy - what’s that like? Does it help?
Oh gosh I didn’t know melatonin gives you diarrhoea! It’s not TMI I already know quite a bit about your uterus so too late for the TMI lol. I’m ok with melatonin and I don’t get any side effects with it - could it be the brand you take? I switched to a different brand as it’s cheaper and I much respond to that better I have to admit!
On what you should be taking - I would say get tests done first. That’s worked for me so my supplements are connected to what’s going on in my body. I worked with a nutritionist on this…pricey but I was tired of second guessing what I’m taking too! Due to endo and fibroids I had bloating issues so I have spent the year really working on that alongside the infections stuff. Only because it all leads to inflammation etc.
I am going ahead with stims this week - just waiting for my period to show up! I have got really bad insomnia - I get it each time I’m close to my period. Very annoying on a Christmas morning!
My meds are quite varied! I have had different meds in each round believe it or not! This time I have a new added injection that I didn’t have before…the rest I had in my last cycle.
DEXAMETHASONE / GONAL F 2 nights ; then change to Pergoveris /LUVERIS 75iu/ GENOTROPIN / Fryemedal/ growth hormone to continue…Then trigger injections are Buserelin & Zivafert
We are only collecting right now and then going vaginal swaps after collecting if the results come back ok and then starting the transfer round. Only due to all the infections from this year - we want to make sure they have returned.
Do you have an inkling of your next steps? No rush - especially if you aren’t feeling yourself! It’s ok to just take a beat and get emotionally ok. Maybe when you transfer we will be transfer buddies!
I think your head is really screwed on and you have a good plan.
I really like how much you rate acupuncture. I used to love it but I changed therapist as the one I was going to was too far away and traffic home was crazy - used to take 90 min to get home which would undo all the good work.
I really do think that the stress of all of this is what has made me sick. But I just don't know how to unwind. Nothing seems to work. The last time I had reflexology, she told me my adrenals were going mad as I was so stressed. I asked her how to control them and she said I just needed to de stress. I have been off work since August- I really don't know.
That's interesting about the nutritionist. Did you go online or in person? I had a zoom consultation with a consultant in London and they prescribed me the brand Collonis (I think) Melatonin and I was fine with it. But I've since tried 3 other brands and I've had bad diarrhoea.
The plan for me was to have at least 2 rounds of stims and then have my tubes removed, then embryo transfer. We will have a phone call with our consultant tomorrow morning to discuss possible next steps. I'm on the NHS list to get my tubes removed and I don't know when it is pencilled in for. It is just all so stressful.
That seems really sensible to have the vaginal swabs. Would they put you on steroids before transfer?
I'm so sorry to see you've had insomnia. Esp before your period too! As if it isn't hard enough! I hope you are ok today and your period arrives soon. Sending love xxx
Thank you so much! I totally get the struggle with the 90-minute travel time—it’s tough to motivate yourself to go back out once you’re finally home. The stress aspect is so challenging, too! This year, I’ve really tried to manage it by incorporating yoga, meditation, journaling, and listening to specific podcasts that help me. I also went back to the gym like crazy this year—I had so much motivation for some reason! All of this was to get ahead of the stress because I was wound up so tight.
One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have to stay consistent with these habits—if I don’t do anything, I start to spiral. I heard on a podcast, “Follow the routine, not the feeling,” and that’s been my mantra for 2024.
On acupuncture, I do think the practitioner makes a huge difference. Have you thought about trying someone new? As for melatonin, it might be worth consulting a professional who knows your medical history to understand why it’s causing side effects. If it’s too much to handle, it’s definitely not worth continuing.
For now, I’d say just focus on doing something that makes you feel good and helps you feel more grounded while waiting for the call from the clinic. I know waiting is torture—I’m the most impatient person ever, so I completely understand! Since you’re trying to bank more before surgery, would you consider doing another collection depending on the advice you receive?
For me, no steroids before a transfer but I’ll be on them for this collection. I struggle with steroids too—they make me catch every cold going! I even saw a microbiome specialist this year because we only have two frozen embryos, and we don’t want to leave anything to chance. We’re doing everything we can to make sure the environment is as optimal as possible for a transfer. By faith, we’re hoping to add more embryos to those two from this collection.
Coming back to stress, I would be shocked if you were super relaxed about all of this, especially considering how recently it happened. What you’re feeling is so normal. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. At 36, I constantly remind myself to live in the moment instead of obsessing over time running out—it’s so hard to do, but it helps.
Talking to people who truly understand has been a big help for me, too. Venting and getting it all out is such a release. Most people around me are already pregnant, so they don’t fully get it, which can feel isolating. But I’ve learned to create space for myself and give myself grace through it all.
It’s so frustrating that there’s no clear reason why all this is happening, but please know you’re not alone. We’re here for you if you need to talk or bounce around ideas after your clinic call.
Just reading this Endowarrior36 and I agree that some of the holistic approaches have kept me sane and as positive as can be during all this. I also did a mindfulness course (actually with my fertility acupuncturist as she’d trained in mindfulness) and I now do a daily mindfulness meditation even if it’s just some calming breathing and listing 5 things I’m grateful for today as I drive in to work. It’s made me so much calmer. I’m not in that constant state of fear and stress I was in. This past 12 months despite having major endo surgery quickly followed by the ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery, and then two failed IVF cycles at the tail end of the year, bizarrely I’ve coped with better than the previous couple of years of IVF. And I do put a lot of that down to the acupuncture (doesn’t have to be this I’m sure - I’ve also found fertility massage relaxing) and mindfulness. Also I’m now having to massively reframe. With our current plan of batching there is no way we will have a baby even by next Christmas (though hopefully might be pregnant). So patience it is. Try and enjoy time with my husband. Live best life I can while going through this. Do everything I can within our financial grasp so I feel no regrets. And feel a comfort from knowing I’m following the right plan for us. It’s so hard sometimes when all my friends some who had not even met or married when we started TTC are zooming past with their 2-3rd kids. And I won’t pretend it’s easy all the time or I don’t have moments of devastation or negativity. But on the whole I feel more myself again. I hope you find some techniques to get you back too ❤️
hi same thing happened to me 15 eggs collected and none fertilised. We were devastated. This was done on nhs they couldn’t tell us a reason why this happened so they said we could have another round and try icsi. I was 38 at the time so decided not to waste any more time on long waiting lists and to try somewhere different.
We went to Alicante and got 5 eggs 2 fertiziled, made it to day 5 we were over the moon even getting 2 this time. My medication was all different. So hopefully if your medication is changed next time hopefully you will get better results. As that’s what has worked for us. I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant. Good luck in your journey x
Hi Lou-5656, congratulations on your lovely news. That is amazing. We are maybe at the same clinic in Alicante. What medication were you on? If you don't mind me asking, what was your amh?
I think we probably are at the same clinic. I took DHEA. Ovusitol, meriofert and saizen all before egg collection. I’m not sure what my AMH was. We didn’t PGTA test although the clinic was keen to do it. We went ahead and transferred our 2bb which sadly ended in miscarriage. Then 5 months later transferred our 5bb which I am now 22 pregnant with. So I think your 3 embryos are a fantastic result xx
I can only imagine how heartbreaking and disappointing this must be, but try not to dwell on those feelings. Instead, focus on the three wonderful embryos you have waiting for you! It’s so easy to get caught up in all the challenges we face as women (I have endometriosis and fibroids too). Wishing you a Merry Christmas—stay positive and strong. After all, your name reminds us that you’re a warrior through and through. xx
Thank you so much for your lovely reply Pugs079. I definitely feel anything but a warrior - I feel very scared, upset and guilty as it seems to be my eggs that is the problem I know I need to pick myself up and dust myself off but gosh this is all so tough. The challenges we face as women is just surreal. It really is mad!
Thank you so much for replying and for your lovely kind and positive words. Sending you a big hug and Merry Christmas xxx
Oh, Endowarrior, please don’t feel guilty! A wise friend once reminded me that stressing about it can actually make it less likely to happen.
I began my IVF journey at 43, despite two doctors advising me against it because of my age. Most others tried to steer me towards using donor eggs. Ultimately, it’s about doing what feels right for you, but it’s important to remember that stress can play a big role in all of this.
I made some changes that seemed to help: drinking hot water with ginger and lemon (sometimes with a touch of honey), cutting out caffeine entirely, increasing my Vitamin D intake, and taking pregnancy vitamins and COQ10. For implantation, they added extra progesterone, which made a noticeable difference.
Wishing you all the very best on your journey! If you ever want to chat privately, I’m always here for you. xx
I’m interested to know when you started the DHEA and what dose. I had one of my worst rounds (only one good quality blast) with DHEA and had a terrible worsening of my endo which did not calm down on stopping it so I would not touch it again. It is known to be problematic for those with endometriosis and with thyroid issues and I have both. Sadly my consultant didn’t warn me before suggesting it. Also did nothing to improve my AMH or poor response to stims. My AMH was low when first tested at 33 too, I’m now 37. Endo is a cruel disease.
Also interested you’ve had worse cycle using more of a higher LH dose in your stims on this round. We had our worst cycle this year with no blasts from 7 eggs when using a FSH and LH mix. I’ve had low egg numbers before with high dose FSH only (450u Gonal F or ovaleap) but with that good quality eggs with 100% fertilisation of mature eggs and using high dose HCG only trigger and getting 100% progression to blasts. We’ve sadly still had 6 good quality embryos fail to implant over these years so we are now starting to batch and PGTA test before any more transfers.
Geoffrey Sher has interesting info on stims in DOR patients and it does seem that lots of androgens (from using DHEA, lots of LH) can be worse for our egg quality.
Though we don’t get lots of eggs (3-4 usually) with the high dose FSH protocol our current doc wants to stick to the protocol we know gets us good quality blasts for the batching cycles (we had 5AA, 5AB and 4BC) from 3 mature eggs last month. I wasn’t comfortable with PGTA to start but now I’m over 37 and had so many failed good quality blastocysts want to do it. Also we had a naturally conceived ectopic and emergency surgery for rupture this year which was a terrible loss and also took months to recover from physically and emotionally. So I want to do anything to avoid (I know not a 100% guarantee) a prolonged and complicated loss that will be distressing, may make us call it a day, and lose us many more months. So PGTA feels right now for us. It’s not just about avoiding a 2WW now if you see what I mean.
Anyway I hope something in there is helpful. Feel free to DM Sending hugs. Especially today xx
Thank you for your reply Endofitall. You have given me a lot of food for thought.
I started DHEA on 9th November so only 7 weeks ago. It was the day our cycle got cancelled and the consultant recommended I take it. I wasn't taking it wjen we got out 3 blastocysts in October. That's really interesting though. I will stop taking it. I'm going to have a supplement free few days / weeks I think. Aside from vitamin c and maybe coq10 I will leave the rest of the supplements for the moment.
Following our failed cycle, our consultant said he would keep Gonal F at 150 and increase the Meriofert from 75 to 150. My husband and I did mention that yesterday - i wonder if that had a big impact on things? In our October cycle, I had 7 eggs and 6 fertilised on day 1. 3 made it to blastocysts day 5. But going from that to 7 eggs collected and 0 fertilised on day 1 - I just can't comprehend it. That is really interesting about Geoffrey Sher. I will look him up.
Pgta is a really tough call isn't it. I am truly sorry for your ectopic. The physical and emotional toll of that would be extreme. I hope you are ok. Did you have to get your tubes removed?
Are you doing your treatment in the UK or abroad?
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me this morning. I'm sending you love and good wishes on what can be a really tough day xxx
I think if DHEA is used it needs blood tests to check your levels and then the lowest dose for shortest time (I was given 75mg but a consultant since then has said I shouldn’t have had more than 25mg for 2/3 weeks). But given the response I had to it after 7-8 weeks on it I wouldn’t touch it again.
I’m just taking Ovum time to conceive supplement now which has all the main egg quality supplements from “it starts with the egg” in one thing but doesn’t feel like overloading my body. Also a fish oil with extra vitamin D as I have a tendency to low vit D (my acupuncturist who’s fertility trained has advised I aim for a blood level at least over 100 and mine’s like 50 on normal supplement level). And also Optibac probiotic for women as I feel better on it anyway and keeps thrush at bay. During stims I’m taking melatonin (Biovea 1mg capsules - I’ll take up to 3mg during stims but I know some can’t tolerate that dose) and extra ubiquinol (to make up a 600mg dose).
On the zero fertilisation front is there any chance your DH has had an illness or fever to affect his sperm? I take it he’s had dna frag check? But it could just be that the eggs were immature/overmature (sounds more like mainly immature from the follicle sizes you mentioned).
It’s sad today as we would have a 2-3 month old baby smiling here if not for the fact my stupid tubes! I’ve had one removed when it ruptured. I still have one tube in but that just makes me nervous to be honest as while they’ve said both looked fine on tubal tests the endo consultant admitted that they cannot test for the tube being microscopically damaged by endo.
We are still doing our treatment in the UK. We have explored Greece as option but travelling abroad for treatment just wasn’t for me especially juggling work as I can’t WFH in my job.
So sorry to hear your last cycle was unsuccessful, of course it’s very raw but do try and focus on the the fact you have 3 on ice. We got 3 blastocyst from 3 cycles last year; Only 4 eggs were collected from the first 2 cycles (and 1 blastocyst). My consultant advised I take a growth hormone called Zomacton to boost my eggs. I got 16 eggs in my next cycle (and 2 blastocysts).
I was 42 by the time we did our 3rd cycle so were advised to do PGT-A testing. We were shocked when all 3 came back normal and we have a beautiful baby girl.
Keep faith it’s a tough but rewarding journey. Sending you lots of love and wishes x
sorry to hear this, it’s so disappointing when you receive this news after so much effort and cost. But all rounds are so different, I’ve done many rounds of IVF and each cycle was so different with such different results! There is still time and light at the end of the tunnel.
My advice is to do ICSI if you do another egg collection. We had very poor fertilisation until we used ICSI - fertilisation went up to 80-90%
Wishing you the best of luck for the next round. Keep going and try to have a break for the next few weeks, I know it’s hard not to worry and think about it, but try to enjoy doing things you enjoy whilst your waiting for your next step.
oh darling… my heart goes to you … I know exactly the feeling… I had the same experience about three weeks ago when I used donor eggs and was told the chances are much higher so had my hopes really high. Then out of 6 eggs only 4 survived the thaw and one fertilised and non made it to day 5. I was truly devastated and deep down blamed my partner for having low sperm count and not be able to conceive naturally. But believe it or not you’ll come out of it and will accept and move on with your life whatever next step you’ll be taking.
I wish you the very best of luck … just hang in there girl … you’ll be ok in in few days time! I’m sorry it happened just on Xmas day xx
I am so sorry to hear you're in this situation. It's such a tough journey. I just wanted to reach out and say be kind to yourself. You will get there. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. I am surrounded by emotionally unavailable people who can't handle my grief and just say silly things (toxic positivity) I am a counsellor and what I'd say to my clients is.. it's OK not to be OK. One day at a time. I wish you a peaceful Christmas and a really great 2025. I hope the next step in this crazy IVF journey goes well for you.🙏 xx
I am so sorry to hear you're in this situation. It's such a tough journey. I just wanted to reach out and say be kind to yourself. You will get there. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. I am surrounded by emotionally unavailable people who can't handle my grief and just say silly things (toxic positivity) I am a counsellor and what I'd say to my clients is.. it's OK not to be OK. One day at a time. I wish you a peaceful Christmas and a really great 2025. I hope the next step in this crazy IVF journey goes well for you.🙏 xx
I wanted to respond because I can relate so much. I have wanted children from the day I started my period. I was told I had a blocked fallopian tube at age 21. I worked really hard to put myself in a good position. Imagine doing IVF (ICSI) for the very first time at age 31. Male factor- low sperm count… my AMH started at “low normal” of 6.something and as of this year was 4.something. I wasn’t fazed by any of the process until…
March, had first ever egg collection. I thought it was great… 14 eggs collected, 8 mature. I too was on fostimon and meriofert. The next day, I got a call to say “unfortunately…” heart dropped… I thought it was going to be only a few fertilised. NONE! They all stopped during the night and resulted in Total Fertilisation Failure. Who even knew this was a thing! Only happens to 1% of people and very limited research. I was shocked, angry, cried, everything you can imagine. Why me?!
They looked back at the footage from the lab (which I now also have a copy of). To this day, no one can tell me why it happened.
The next cycle was cancelled because I ovulated before egg collection.
The 3rd cycle resulted in a Day 5 blastocyst, which did not implant (last Christmas)
To get us to this stage, they used calcium ionophore to activate sperm and egg fertilisation. There were more fertilised eggs but they “died”. Unfortunately my clinic had their licence suspended shortly after and I have soooo many questions about why this went so horribly wrong on the NHS
Lessons learned:
1) I was on the waiting list since age 29. Clinic had their license suspended and we decided to explore private options. I found a clinic, paid £400 for a scan and later received an invoice for £6k off (which actually was not bad for ICSI at a reputable clinic) Within an hour of receiving the invoice, the NHS called and say they were ready for us. Will never forget how I felt standing in that corridor at work thinking it was meant to be. We decided to go ahead with the x3 NHS attempts before paying. As previously mentioned, our clinic had their license suspended AGAIN this year. When they eventually send us a list of alternatives, low and behold the private clinic we originally went to was on this list! I cannot help but think if we just went private in the first place things may have been very different. It doesn’t help that I am a senior NHS worker, so whilst my NHS clinic went above and beyond (after the TFF) I was still very upset and disappointed with them, especially concerning patient safety
2) Don’t think you are superior, do every thing you can to feed those eggs. The egg cycle is 60 days, I would make sure next time for, at least 6 months, that I would take COQ10, DHEA, omega, magnesium, vitamin D, and all other supplements - alongside a Mediterranean diet. I would also move around a lot more, even during stims, to ensure the blood flow gets to the eggs. Read the book “It starts with the egg”. I took all of this for granted, despite purchasing every single supplement, I was not consistent and certainly not for 3 months. I just wanted to have a baby!
3) Don’t be afraid to speak up and ASK questions about any and everything .
Another lady had her embryo transferred at the same time as me. We would message a lot during the 2WW and when she told me she was pregnant (having tested days earlier than we were supposed) it was hard I waited until the day before and it was negative. She now has a baby girl born in August. This lady took all her supplements, went outside every morning to get oxygen, took extra vitamin D, magnesium at night (because it relaxes the uterus) and put in extra progesterone pessaries (3 times a day). As we communicated, she told me to do all of this but I was afraid. It worked for her and next time round, I will give it my all (not that I didn’t think I was) but some people need to do more than others depending on the infertility factor. This lady also had endometriosis and had surgery before the successful transfer. She too had her own challenges, after having her tracking scans every other day or so, all the different staff failed to identify that she did not have any follicles. On the day of egg collection, they were all cyst pockets filled with water. She explained she was so angry and demanded to have one person to ensure consistency during the tracking scans.
I have cried more tears than anyone could ever imagine. This is the second Christmas where I’m not holding a child in my arms. Also broke up with partner in April, which I have not been sad about at all. I am praying I meet my husband and everything will be just fine from there.
Sorry for the long message, I haven’t written on here in several months (for obvious reasons) but seeing the preview of your topic, I wanted to try and give you some reassurance. 33 now, will try to freeze my eggs and see what happens by the time I get to 35. Hopefully I find “the one” 😅
My message to you… have hope, stay positive and keep going. Don’t give up. 36 and still have time but don’t stop. The joy you are seeking is on its way. In the meantime have a wonderful Christmas and look forward to your many blessings over the coming New Year ❤️
Don't be discouraged. Though our stories are different but i am an endo warrior too. My AMH was normal but even with good no.s, my 2 FET failed and docs kept telling me that i was a special case as i also had narrow cervix (may be by birth or may be due to the endometriomass that tilted my uterus) due to which my transfers were very difficult ..... I have a long story to share in that is me getting hospitalized and almost died (current status: recovering well happily at home)... But that's for another day.
Just wanted to say, though the road is not smooth, keep going and donot get discouraged....we will get there.
hi there. I’m so sorry to read your post -what a tough end to your year. Big hugs 🫂
I too had zero fertilisation during one round. The second round nearly got cancelled but ended up with 3 mature eggs, two of which were transferred, the third didn’t make it. I’ve ended up sitting here with a little boy and girl. NEVER did I think that would happen to us. I really hope you get your miracle next year.
Can read my profile about all the things I tried…who knows if it made any difference or if it was just luck. Xx
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Feeling deflated and needing some advice. Ivf natural modified cycles 
From 13 eggs retrieved to no blastocysts frozen 😢
7 eggs collected one fertilised 
4 fertilised eggs at day 1 after extraction 
