TTC 10+ years

[Piixiie]

So first of all Hey ladies 👋🏼 I’ll start by giving you a bit of background about me and my situation (this is going to be a long read).

I met my husband in 2013, he has 2 biological children and a step child. His BM lost a custody battle against him back in 2014 for all 3 children due to BM being mentally unstable.

All 3 children were placed with my Husband and I. As the years went on, BM popped into the children’s lives whenever she felt like it and dropped them when something better came up.

With the custody battle over, we decided to start trying for our own children too. We tried for a couple of years before we asked for help from the NHS. I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was just 14 years old and also PCOS so I knew I may find it harder to conceive than others. So after 2 years old trying we proceeded to get help which turned out to be disastrous. We were pushed from 1 doctor to another and from one fertility clinic to another. Each time they changed doctor, we had to start all over again. Each appointment was anything from 6 months to a year apart so getting was pretty much useless to us. We were never offered any help and were told we were not eligible for IVF funding due to my husband already having 2 biological children.

This has caused me heartache and pain for 11 years.

Now it’s 2024. 11 years after trying to conceive. 11 years of putting up with so much rubbish from BM. Now she’s pregnant and about to drop anyday and I’m beside myself. I don’t know what it is. It’s not jealousy because I’m over the moon for her. She has everything I’ll always dream of. It’s just I feel a sense of shame and upset that I can’t conceive myself.

I need someone to talk to. Someone who may understand what it’s like to live a life wishing things were so different?

[Rookery17]

Ahh I'm so sorry it's a hard journey and the ups and downs can be hard to process. Other pregnancy announcements cuz u happy for them but sad for yourself which is ok it's hard to deal with it's an emotional rollercoaster.I also have Endo been trying for 4 years had one round of IVF pregnant and miscarried did not think I cud pick my self up but 2 surgery's later had to have my tubes removed due to the damage next week we are hopefully starting our donor egg journey. But I do understand the failure feeling as that is how I've felt I do think I could benefit from counseling Its just trying to navigate it it's so hard

Talk it thru with ur partner get options hope ur ok x

[Piixiie in reply to Rookery17]

Honestly I think everyone around me is either pregnant right now or just given birth. It’s everywhere I look and I just wished that was me!! I’m so sorry to hear about your journey with IVF and about the removal of your tubes. That’s awful and I can’t imagine what you’re going through!

How is your partner feeling about it. Do they support you and try and understand it? I find my husband quite hard to talk to regarding this as he has his own children. They’re my stepchildren too and of corse I’ve helped bring them up over the last 11 years. One of the children even calls me mum and I love them more than anything in the world and I fully understand just how lucky I am to have them. But my Husband feels like as I have them, I don’t need to experience having my own children and shouldn’t feel the way I do.

Good luck with your egg donor journey 🤞🏼 are you excited? Nervous? How do you feel about it? I have everything crossed for you! How does it work? I’ve never looked into this before.

Thanks for replying!! ❤️ xx

[Rookery17 in reply to Piixiie]

Yep I went through a stage like that it's soo hard. Obvs as a woman I'm emotional so yeah but in these scenarios of having surgery twice and a cancer scare he's more concerned for me and my health where I put the 2nd and I shouldn't. He thinks about it different but very supportive and if it wasn't for him IV had some dark moments but yea he knows how much I want this so he's onboard with what whatever we do going forward.Of course you do but also understanding you would like to experience that for yourself is completely ok and valid obvs need to be both on board going forward but yes deffo don't back down on how you feel.

Um I feel ok about it I'm exhausted from it all and jus want the highest chance going forward you know and my body has been thru alot so yeah I'm happy so we have an appointment tomorrow so hopefully get more answers. So basically you purchase eggs from a woman like a catalogue IV heard lol with what chraristics you want then will put my husbands sperm into the eggs then hopefully they turn into embryos and can transfer to me and hopefully will stick

Ahh no problem here if you need to vent or chat xx