It’s over, once again 💔

[XOXO13]

I had my repeat scan that confirmed a silent miscarriage today. I should have expected it and whilst I guess I knew it was coming, there was also a part of me that was hopeful because my pregnancy symptoms had gotten stronger. That’s due to my body believing I’m still pregnant and the sac growing but nothing else is 💔.

This is our fourth miscarriage, second consecutive and tbh, I’m not sure I have it in me to continue trying for a sibling for our miracle twins. Our journey to bring them home was so tough and all of this is resurfacing all of that pain and heartache all over again.

I have a choice in how to manage this miscarriage and I think I’m going to opt for the surgical route as I can’t bear another physical miscarriage nor can I bear to wait around for a bleed to happen 😢.

This utterly sucks. So much love to anyone in the trenches of TTC because it is not easy at all. Xx

[Millbanks]

Aw love, I'm heartbroken for you. How utterly awful once again.

I had pregnancy symptoms well in to the 12 / 13 week mark (after growth stopped at 7) so I know how much of a trick it can be.

I would also definitely say go for the D&C - get it over with and start the grieving process - don't wait like I did and 4 months later am still dealing with it.

Sending you so much love xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Millbanks]

I know, I’m so sorry it’s dragging on for you. It makes an already painful experience more so painful. I’ve requested a D&C with my private doctor so hopefully I can move forward with that this week and move on from it. I know I need time to physically heal now before we make a decision on whether we’ve got it in us to go again xx

[Millbanks in reply to XOXO13]

I think that is a good plan. I am so sorry lovely, you've been through so much. It really takes it's toll.

I'm glad you have your wonderful twins and a lovely hubby to lean on xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Millbanks]

They’re being lovely. My little girl keeps stroking my cheek and saying “it’s okay mummy”. Even though I haven’t cried in front of them, it’s as if they know when something isn’t right xx

[Millbanks in reply to XOXO13]

❤️ kids are so perceptive xx

[Chel91]

Oh no I'm so sorry to hear this. How heartbreaking 💔 Sending you so much love xx

[XOXO13 in reply to Chel91]

Thank you 🤍

[Mercury363]

Thinking of you xx

[XOXO13 in reply to Mercury363]

Thank you 🩷

[butterfliez]

so sorry you have suffered another loss. Thinking of you sending love & strength xx

[XOXO13 in reply to butterfliez]

Thank you 😢

[Twiglet2]

I am so so sorry 😢 heartbroken for you xx

[XOXO13 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you 🫶🏻. Xx

[minny_223]

I’m so sorry to read this. Thinking of you xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to minny_223]

🤍🤍🤍

[Christianbaby]

I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through this. There are no words to ease the pain. Sending you so much healing and strength. xx

[XOXO13 in reply to Christianbaby]

Thank you 💛

[Daisy30Lane]

I am so so sorry to hear this lovely! … it’s just utterly heartbreaking after everything you’ve gone through! 💔

[XOXO13 in reply to Daisy30Lane]

So rubbish 😢

[hifer]

I’m so sorry. I replied to this but can’t see it so perhaps it didn’t post as I’m away now. I’m obviously devastated for you. There are no words. I’m going through the same thing so I totally get it, I really do. I’m having my fourth miscarriage too although don’t know when that’s actually going to happen (on my holiday!) and it’s not been that long since the last one so I feel everything you’re going through xx

[XOXO13 in reply to hifer]

I’m so sorry, the waiting for the bleed is also so difficult. I’m scheduled to have a D&C tomorrow, I couldn’t wait for things to happen knowing that I’ve been here before and it took my body a little while to recognise the loss 😢. I really hope you’re managing to have some you time and some recharge time on your holiday. Big hugs xx

[hifer in reply to XOXO13]

I totally hear you. My first 2 miscarriages I had a D & C and a MVA but my third happened very quickly before I could even start meds so who knows what will gain with this one. I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

[XOXO13 in reply to hifer]

Thank you. I’m home and resting now. I’ve felt like I’ve been managing this whole thing quite well for me, and then I woke up from surgery feeling just sad like it’s actually just hit me properly that it’s over. I know I don’t need to make a decision right now about what we do next, but gosh it’s all quite heavy at times isn’t it.

I hope you’re doing okay xx

[hifer in reply to XOXO13]

Exactly that happened to me after my first 2 surgeries. That’s when my grieving really began. I can only say I’m thinking of you and know exactly what you are going through. I really do and I’m so sorry that you are having to endure all of this. Xx

[Cinderella5]

Awww I'm so sorry to hear this, look after yourself.xxx