Feeling Negative

[Dragonfly1111]

Hi there

Hope everyone is aswell as they can be on this horrible ‘journey’.

I last posted back 6 months ago following our initial ivf round ended abruptly with total fertilisation failure (thank you very much for all helpful/supportive replies) which was pretty devastating time. Since then we have gone on to have another ICSI round which delighted to say resulted in 1x frozen embryo. Unfortunately I couldn’t have a fresh transfer as my oestradial was 34000 (Dr unsure why so high as my egg number was in the single digits). Has anyone else had these high numbers and relatively ‘normal/low’ egg numbers?

Anyway so now I am prepping for a medicated FET cycle. I have felt really positive and excited the last few weeks as after a nightmare past few years this is the furthest we have got. However waiting for my delayed period (I have no tubes so not pregnant) is making me more and more negative and angry/hating on my failure of a body. And the more I feel like this the more I worry that I am sending out bad juju and it won’t work. Do you believe in the power of positivity? I think I am grasping at things to control but feel like I’m setting myself up for a failure and if it doesn’t work it will be my fault because I didn’t imagine it working or manifest it enough. Has anyone been through something similiar? I know that stress is bad but I don’t so much feel stressed just more hopeless.

Thank you for reading my ramblings x

[Endofitall]

I really hear you. It can make one feel so negative about oneself.

I was at a really low ebb and full of negativity. My acupuncture lady offered me a mindfulness course and I also found a woman who does fertility massage and supports patients through fertility treatments. I found some of the meditations and affirmations really worked for me. I wouldn’t have thought it at the start but it’s really changed me for the better. I would definitely encourage you to try some of those techniques. I don’t think any of it makes a difference to whether it works or not. So don’t stress about stressing. But it sure makes it a lot less hurtful to your mental and physical health in the meantime.

It does sound like you’ve been doing well though and this is a dip. It’s completely natural to have these ups and downs. Don’t be too hard on yourself. One of the things mindfulness has taught me is that sometimes one has to accept and let go. If I’m in a dip but trying my best one of my most commonly used affirmations is

“I am doing the best I can in this moment”

Feel free to DM me any time xx

[Dragonfly1111 in reply to Endofitall]

Hi Endofitall, thank you very much for your kind words and response. Your affirmation at the bottom of your message bought a tear to my eye and I think was the self kindness I needed to say to myself today so thank you very much. Affirmations are not something I have thought of so going to look them up a bit more. Thank you x

[CyclingAddict]

I've definitely gone through feelings of negativity! I don't think it affects the outcome but obviously isn't nice for you. Have you tried fertility appuncture? Usually I'm pretty sceptical about anything like that, but there is quite a lot of research showing that it helps with transfer by increasing blood flow to the uterus (plus it's super relaxing!). I did a couple of sessions before the day of transfer, on the morning of transfer, and the day after transfer. It helped me to get into a more positive frame of mind and it felt like a treat for me while also helping me prepare for transfer.

Hope this helps! X

[Dragonfly1111 in reply to CyclingAddict]

Hi CyclingAddict, thank you very much for your response. I am sorry that you have also felt the negativity but it is really nice to know that other people know how this feels so thank you for sharing. I have a brilliant fertility accupuncturist who I have been seeing the past few months - totally agree with it being relaxing and feeling like a treat. Looking forward to my session on Tuesday. Thank you again x

[BlueEyedTabby]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you feel like this, it's so tough and sounds like you've been through a lot. I've had those feelings too and often find other people's comments add to it, "just be positive". My first thought when we were told we had miscarried last year was that I caused it because I didn't send out enough positive thoughts 😞 What's helped me since is meditation and affirmations. I think being positive is valuable but negative feelings are natural and not anything to feel bad about. And putting that extra pressure on ourselves is unnecessary. Wishing you all the best for your FET. Xxx

[Dragonfly1111 in reply to BlueEyedTabby]

Hi BlueEyedTabby, thank you very much for taking the time to reply and your response. Yes think that is so true I have heard that a lot and I think the ‘just’ in front of it makes so much more toxic as it sounds so simple. I am defiantly going to have a look into affirmations and mindfulness after reading through these posts. Thank you again x

[Kitkat10]

I’m sorry it’s been such a tough time. I never felt positive, I was never upbeat or thought it would work, but it did.

For my successful transfer, it was a really hot day, I was caught in traffic, stressed to the max, hot and agitated with a painfully full bladder, then the consultant was an hour late for transfer, then I thought my bladder would burst for sure. Had a really stressful day at work after transfer and was so convinced it had failed, I booked an appointment to discuss donor eggs. 10 days later I got my BFP.

It’s nice to try and stay positive to help yourself through a rough time but I remember how tough that is in itself. Just try and hang in there and be kind to yourself. Stress and mindset won’t affect the implantation but try and give yourself a break and know that you are doing brilliantly just to navigate this tough time xx

[XXKKXX]

Personally, I honestly don't think whether you believe it's going to work or not is going to affect the outcome . I was filled with negativity. I was convinced nothing would work , weve been trying almost 18 years. Naturally, medicated then ivf . it had been so long I kinda accepted I would never get pregnant. After my fresh transfer with our 3cc I was so depressed to be honest, we had no frozen eggs , can't seem to get good enough quality to freeze. I basically just sat on my backside during the tww feeling miserable that our last and only chance was gone as financially we can't afford another round . I was extremely shocked when I got my bfp.

Be kind to yourself and know its really not going to affect the outcome if you believe in the power of positivity or not