I'm tired, I'm beaten down and hopeless. It's been 4 IVF cycles for us, of which 3 pregnancies and 4 miscarriages (one was a twin pregnancy). We've been through so much heartache but still, it is really difficult giving up on the dream of having a family.
I turned 40 this year and I feel like this has weighed me down a bit thinking that my chances are even slimmer. Our last IVF had no embryos to transfer which was utterly devastating.
We're now looking to get a second opinion and trying to figure out what to do next but I think, both of us, me and my husband, are a bit depressed after two years of this crap. Nonetheless, he doesn't want to give up and does not like the idea of using an egg donor, whilst I think egg donation is probably our best shot. We're stuck.
When do you know it's time to stop and/or move on to egg donation?
Many thanks in advance for any experience/insight shared.
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Hello! I am 39 and have done 2 rounds of IVF, which resulted in only 1 embryo to transfer, so I feel your pain. My partner is more open to donor eggs than me, but we massively differ on our views of telling the child - so we are stuck in a different way.
We are starting 'mild ivf' shortly, which can apparently be more successful for "older women". I've also been looking into "cytoplasmic transfer" aboard, which can help improve the quality of your eggs by 5% (by using donor eggs, without gaining any of their DNA) - I just can't give up on my own eggs yet but equally, we've been on this journey for over 5 years now
It's so so tough and I obviously don't have any advice, but just want to say I am completely with you and sending lots of baby dust and love x
Hi, we asked for and tried any and every testing we could. 1st miscarriage was 6 weeks and was told due to some abnormality with embryo. Same story with second. Did genetic tests and everything came back fine. 3rd miscarriage happened in the 2nd trimester and it’s been put down to a weak cervix. So this is where we are. Now looking into thyroid as my anti-corpus are low. More than anything, I am concerned with egg quality as even though egg numbers has varied, we end up with one to transfer and none at the last egg collection.
I feel you. I’m currently going through a miscarriage after my 4th round and 6th embryo transferred. Really losing hope and doubting my egg quality will be good enough to work. I wonder when I will feel at peace with going down the DE route. As we’re currently on a 3 cycle OE package, we’ve got another 2 egg collections to try. I’m hoping by that point I’ll feel ready to make the switch but it’s really hard looking at ivf taking over my life for probably a few more years. If it’s any hope, I also had a collection with no embryos but got more in a subsequent cycle x
hello, everyone is sooo different. We had been ttc for over ten years I was 32 when we moved to donor after a few rounds with my own. For us we just wanted to have a family and were getting no where, just money and heartache.
Donor is also not guaranteed and it took a few years and transfers for that to finally work. Another 4 in total. We have got a gorgeous little one and I have absolutely no regrets. She was born when I was 36 hubby 45 we really didn’t want to wait longer. And honestly she is ours one hundred percent xxx
hi, I’m sorry to read about what you’ve been through. It’s a really hard question to answer but I have just welcomed a DE baby girl after an OE son 2.5 years ago, so I had to make the decision myself and I hope my story helps you 🙏
I think you still have time with your OE and I think a second opinion is a good idea.
It took 3 cycles for my OE to give me my son. He was born when I was 41 and 3 months.
I had no known fertility issues and reason for IVF was male factor. That said, I tried another 3 transfers with my OE when I was 42 and although I had 3 good quality embryos apparently, none stuck.
I had long been thinking about DE and I felt worn down by IVF, I didn’t feel that I had much more resilience in me for more egg collections, given that my egg quality is probably low now.
I joined the DCN, I read a book called Motherhood reimagined and I had counselling at the clinic for DE.
I so strongly wanted another baby that I just couldn’t bear to give up completely so I had to let my OE go and move to DE. It took about 3 months to come to terms with it. I wrote down some lists of things I was worried about and things I saw as positives/ negatives and I revisited this list every so often. Gradually the things I worried about got smaller and even though I don’t think I was ever 100%, I felt at peace with the move.
Once the decision was made, things got easier. I found a donor within 8 weeks of looking and it felt like a lot less pressure when they weren’t my eggs being scrutinised.
The first transfer worked and my little girl arrived 8 weeks ago after a straightforward pregnancy and delivery. I love her so much and did from the moment I saw her fuzzy little self on my 12 week scan. I wouldn’t change anything we did, I have no regrets.
I’m not saying there won’t be future challenges but that’s not limited to donor conceived children I’m sure and there is lots of support out there.
It’s a big decision, take your time and explore all the options with your husband. You’ll know what the right decision is for you when the time comes. Good luck xx
Sorry to read this. It's a difficult road for sure. I think only you'll know when you're ready to move onto something else.
Have you looked into epigenetics? It's a really interesting science that looks at how the person carrying the embryo influences the baby's characteristics. The environment in the womb plays a key part in shaping the baby. I know it's helped couples come to terms with choosing an DE as it demonstrates that their body still has some input in the baby's makeup. I think it's fascinating.
As Boo said it is very different for everyone. In my case it came at 40-41 after 5 OE retrievals and no positive test ever in the 6-7 years of trying. I had decent amount of eggs but few and at best average embryos. Sperm was normal but neither clinic of the two I used did more testing on this. I was tired and felt we were getting older. My husband is now 49. Currently pregnant with my second DE transfer. I feel lucky and it is my baby, no doubt about it for me. Maybe because I never had any other pregnancy, I can't see any difference.
From what I understand clinics will strongly recommend and stir towards DE if you no longer produce eggs or you are well in to your 40s. Some clinics recommend DE to cases like mine where there were few embryos and of not great quality or other cases with repeated miscarriages where egg quality was the issue. Only you know how much strength, finances and time you still have to give. Getting a second and even a third opinion will not hurt. (Some clinics abroad offer free initial consultations with no obligation, even if you are not looking for treatment abroad)
Having a session with a counsellor could help
I would also recommend looking for donor conception websites podcastst etc there many positive stories but look especially for stories with issues for thought out there. It could help identifying how you feel about things and implications
Honestly I think you just know. for us we'd had enough, we moved to DE eggs as our last option/chance and decided that when all the embryos from that were gone then no more. not only is infertility and treatment a huge finalcial drain but also mentally too. we felt like our life was constantly on hold. (we were succesful with our first embryo using DE and now have a son but I also had my NK cells tested too for transfer which were high)
I would recomend that you got your NK Cells tested and get your GP to refer you to Tommy trust just to check there isn't anything else causing the miscarrages first xx
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How do you feel positive when it failed before?
When you & your OH differ on treatments
New here, fourth FET and in the dreaded TWW slowly going mad!!
How do you know your egg quality is poor?
