lost and broken

[Rainbow_23]

ladies, I know some of you see me.

im so lost and heartbroken.

Our 2 rounds of IVF on the NHS have come to the end.

I am 38, low ovarian reserve. TTC 4 years.

first round 4 eggs collected and 4 fertilised.

1 blast and 1 morula transferred and ended as chemical.

2 round 3 eggs collected none fertilised.

broken.

I’ve had some quite unfair issues with my clinic on the last round.

They “forgot” about my endometrial scratch and I ended up having it on day 27.

is there anyone else this happened to?

im trying to find answers, they said it was ok still but I am not convinced.

I started this round on elleste solo tablets, and because my scratch was done so late I am now not so sure I had an actual bleed.

I contacted the clinic worried and scared because I’d never had a “bleed” like it.

it was like a tap turned on 2 days after the scratch for 1hr, then light until bedtime and then that’s it. I’m now thinking how could I differentiate the bleed? Did I bleed at all? Was it just the scratch?

They said they was not concerned.

When I spoke to the embryologist yesterday and asked her why my eggs did not fertilise she responded that we would need to do ICSI.

Let me tell you ladies, we paid £500 for the DNA fragmentation test which showed my partner to be literally perfect 3 weeks prior.

I know it’s easy to point blame when you are so broken but I can’t help but feel like I’ve been cheated and had negligent care.

Today, after crying straight for 3 days I feel empty, numb. I feel so weird. I don’t think I can cry anymore.

We are undoubtedly the most strongest humans there are going through this. I don’t feel strong right now, I feel like I could disappear.

We start our search now for IVF abroad.

it’s so expensive in the UK it’s no wonder more and more are doing so. I don’t know how this clinics sleep at night.

Any advise, recommendations, words of comfort would be greatly appreciated.

For now, I am lost x

[WHeatherW]

oh gosh, we have very similar journeys!! We’ve just had 3 eggs collected (also second round), 2 fertilised but it’s day 3 and they are not progressing well at all. I’m not really sure how we pick ourselves up and go again when feeling so empty and numb - but I am sure we will. Sending you lots of luck in your next round. I so hope our happy endings are coming for us soon xx

[Boo718]

I am so sorry to hear this. It’s honestly such a tough journey. I have cried rivers over the time we were doing ivf. It’s all so unfair, why us, will it ever work. I was so angry and sad when others had kids then we would start another round and it would all go to shit again 😢 it was just hurdle after hurdle. We are definitely the strongest people ever.

Take some time. To be you. We went abroad to Spain I can pm you the clinic. I’m happy to answer any questions coz I know how tough this all is xxx

[CyclingAddict]

I think the problem is that NHS is really on its knees. We did a round on the NHS and, because certain tests weren't carried out, none of the transfers worked. Plus there was a long wait between transfers. I don't blame the clinic at all as I do believe the staff tried their hardest with limited capacity. I think it says everything that there's more people actually opting for private fertility treatment rather than go through the NHS - so it's definitely a nation wide problem.

We moved over to a UK private clinic, had those tests done, and I'm now 26 weeks pregnant. Yes, it was expensive (about 11k for Alice, Era, and Emma testing, egg collection, PGT-A testing and transfer), but, for us, it was worth it. We also had a wonderful consultant who was tremendously thorough and was available for us to contact, even on weekends and evenings. To afford it we really had to budget, but the care was second to none.

Hope this helps and good luck x

[Estherlovescats]

Sorry to hear about your journey. Maybe my story can offer hope. I also had 2 failed nhs cycles. Then the cycle after the failed one got pregnant naturally using mira fertility monitor. Also did the coq10 ubiquinol and dhea. Ate correctly. Exercise. Im 40 now and 29 weeks. Miracles happen. Don't give up. X

[Rainbow_23 in reply to Estherlovescats]

Thank you. Yes you did bring me hope.

Can I ask you a few questions?

Did you have low AMH?

I did the coq10, been on it for over a year but my clinic said only 200mg daily, what is your dose?

As for DHEA, they refused it. Said they do not condone it. What dose did you take?

I do eat so well, and as for exercise maybe sometimes a little too much but it helps my mental health.

Congratulations to you. ❤️

[Estherlovescats in reply to Rainbow_23]

Hi there i took 600mg ubiquinol coq 10 life extension. So 6 capsules a day. I know it's expensive but I didn't care at that point. Dhea needs dhea-s bloods and testosterone bloods. Randox health do them. I didn't get bloods but an nhs consultant said take 75mg dhea a day so i did. That was eurovital brand. That and coq10 got my fsh under 10 which im sure helped. Yes low amh. Only 5 follciles on ultrasound. 3.4pmol or 0.48ng. So low. Age 37 when it all started and was told ivf was the only way when i was never advised about timed intercourse. Meds like clomid or letrozole so i did my own reading and just timed intercourse using mira which gives 7 fertile days much better than the 2 u get on ovulation strips as sperm can live 5 days. Fertilily cups may have helped. Mira also charts your hormones and there is a facebook group you can put your chart up and people help interpret it. It also confirms ovulation. I learnt all this myself as I dont think thr nhs teaches you anything. Just told me ivf was my only option which was codswallap!x

[skygreen]

My cycle failed with the NHS, I don't think they have the resources or time to treat us as individuals.

Did they change your meds/protocol on the second try?

We then went private and the Drs had time to listen/try different protocols that were not available on the NHS. It's been a 10 years since our NHS journey started with lots of ups and downs (4 of that was waiting for endo treatment on the NHS the first transfer) but I'm 26 weeks with my second ICSI baby at age 42. Unexplained infertility and endo. Private IVF care is worlds apart so don't give up hope yet.

There are also lots of financial packages available now with various options so have a look into them.

Good luck with everything 🤞🤞🤞

[Rainbow_23 in reply to skygreen]

Thank you sweet lady. Congratulations to you. Yes NHS do not treat you as individuals but they should, the money they get is the same they get from those paying private. We felt like a number, on a conveyor belt.

My protcol changed ever so slightly so a higher dose but this time it was cut short very early, after the second scan and my follicles not responding as much as they should but trigger and collection was brought early by 3 days. It felt so rushed, last time the same thing happened with my 9 follicles but they increased my dose and it worked out well to get 4 eggs to which all fertilised.

It’s so hard to see any light right now.

Thank you for your response, means so much x

[CyclingAddict in reply to Rainbow_23]

Sorry to hear that. I don't think it's necessarily the money, I think it's the capacity and limitations imposed in the NHS. There were 2 consultants at our NHS IVF unit but they also covered maternity and gynaecology. They were absolutely stretched. But what you also have to contend with on the NHS is that they have to adhere to HFEA regulations, which means the treatments they can offer are limited and do not follow the latest research. For example they won't offer PGT-A testing, which private clinics offer and it's standard practice in the States, because it's not approved by the HFEA. The HFEA is very outdated. So, if the treatment you need isn't standard practice, your chances of success are pretty low on the NHS. It's a false economy in that sense as it would, in the longer term, make more financial sense to make these treatments available on the NHS as it surely costs more to have women going for multiple cycles with no success. But it's just how the NHS works - annoying, I know! X