Don’t want to test tomorrow

[lmno]

urgh so this is our last try for a sibling (lucky to have daughter from 4th round of ICSI in 2020). We’ve been through just about every scenario with outcomes… 2 BFN, 1 MMC, 1 live birth, 1 chemical. We had 2 5 day morulas transferred last Monday and were told our chances of implantation were low so I’ve been pretty sure we’re out during this TWW (which never gets easier does it?). I’ve always been an early tester but couldn’t do it this time because of the triggers I took and also last year’s chemical almost destroyed me. Even though I’ve been trying to make my peace with things no matter the outcome now that tomorrow is nearly here I just don’t want to test….. Even though the TWW has been torture I would rather stay here where there’s still a tiny glimmer of hope than face a BFN and the realisation that after 8 years of trying to conceive we will be done. No questions to ask just really appreciate having a place to share with people who get it xx

[Football61]

I totally get this. I also had to force myself to test on my OTD. Living in ignorant bliss is so much easier…with that glimmer of hope. Wishing you all the luck in the world tomorrow. I hope this is your time 🙏🌟

[Eternalwarrior]

oh, lovely, I understand how you must be feeling! We also have one last chance to give my son (conceived through IVF after many years and a very hard journey, including losing a baby at 18 weeks) a sibling. It is a poor quality embryo currently in the freezer so we are trying to get ready for a FET but finding lots of obstacles in the way! I think if we are lucky enough that the embryo survives the thaw and we can go for a transfer, I won’t want to test, as I know that will be the end of our journey.

Sending you lots of love and everything crossed for tomorrow ❤️😘😘😘💕💕 xxx

[Joeysjourney]

I hate testing. Awful to burst the bubble. I have to laugh at myself tho cause when is the cut off. Like 2 years later still not testing and living in hope lol

I've everything crossed for you my love. Sending all the good vibes and big hugs and hope it's your time xx

[lmno in reply to Joeysjourney]

Haha that made me laugh… I mean I reckon by 2 years I might have my answer 🤣

[Greenleaves1]

Just test when you are ready, if you don't feel up to it tomorrow then wait a few days until you are. Either way good luck. I have a fear of testing especially with IVF so I understand how you feel xx

[Christianbaby]

I get what you feel. Testing day is really tough. I suggest test when you're ready. Good luck! xx

[lmno]

Well careful what you wish for I guess. I mustered up the courage to test this morning and…. The test didn’t work. No control line or anything! No others in the house. WTF?!

[paintthesky in reply to lmno]

Oh no!! That’s terrible luck.

Be kind to yourself throughout it all x

[Darcy1996 in reply to lmno]

Oh no!!! Goodness that’s tense! 🤞🏻you get one soon to put your mind at rest

[lmno in reply to Darcy1996]

I know seriously! I’m actually weirdly finding it funny right now but my hormones and feelings are all over the place! Husband has been sent out for more tests but I guess it won’t be first morning urine now…

[Millbanks in reply to lmno]

Argh!! the worst

[Sparklylife]

We are in a similar scenario. And I am so scared to test! I have always been - the PUPO bubble is lovely! Then you got to face reality! We have not done as many rounds/transfers as you have - but so grateful for our little boy from our first transfer end of 2020. We have been trying for a sibling since. Had a chemical with our FET end of last year. We did another fresh round as our last attempt, but had really poor outcome to stimulation and egg quality seems poor (despite all my efforts to try improve this, I guess age is just doing its thing). We got 3 eggs, but only one kept developing after day 3, we had our transfer Monday - but it had not quite reached blastocyst, so I suspect morula? It was a compacting embryo, so a day behind. So our odds just got slimmer. But keeping hold of that hope 🥹🧡 This is going to be a different TWW for me. As I know this is the end for us, whatever happens. Been trying since 2016, so it is now time to live our lives without “what if” and give this little boy all the love he deserves!

sorry, took your post to ramble 🥰😇

What I really wanted to say was - I wish you all the best for today!! I really do hope you will see that positive this morning (if you do test!)! 🤞🤞🤞🤞💫💫🧡🧡

[lmno in reply to Sparklylife]

Oh you’re in such a similar boat, we’ve been trying since 2016 too. Wishing you all the very best for this little one. Xx

[Doodlebug23]

Totally empathise with you. I’m OTD I lay in bed almost wetting myself as I don’t want to test. If I pee in a cup and leave it that is worse cause then I can just keep putting it off….

Good luck 🍀 My OTD is Sunday and I’m dreading it when though in starting to struggle and PUPO feeling has gone.

Stay strong 💪🏻 you may just get that miracle we are all chasing 💖

[lmno in reply to Doodlebug23]

It’s so much mentally isn’t it? Wishing you all the best for Sunday xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to lmno]

It’s like nothing else! Thankyou! You too! X

[Lyndsbaby]

I was the same last week - our first 6 transfers were in the UK and the clinic did not prescribe progesterone. The last 3 have been in Greece though and they do. I think I preferred that on the first 6 I got my period before OTD - staring at the blank tests on the last 3 has been soul destroying and gets harder each time. Probably moving to donor eggs now as not had so much as even a chemical in 9 attempts. Had 3 natural pregnancies before IvF but one was a miscarriage and then two were ectopic which wrecked my tubes. Really can't understand it - it's such a horrible process but with the possibility of such a beautiful outcome. Good luck today! Hope you get those two wee lines xx

[lmno in reply to Lyndsbaby]

Oh you’ve been through so much. My clinic didn’t give progesterone this time but did prescribe some this time after I insisted… the downside as you say though is it tends to delay things and mimic pregnancy symptoms and I think has often been the culprit of false hope for me. Ironically my test failed this morning (no control line or anything) so I’m still in limbo land x

[Lyndsbaby in reply to lmno]

oh no! No the added stress you need. Fingers crossed the next one works and gives you the news you are dying to hear! Xx

[HollyT7]

🧡🧡🍀🍀

[orangecatmum]

Wishing you so much luck for today or tomorrow or whenever you decide to test! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

[Twiglet2]

good luck 🤗💜 xx

[lmno]

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m a ghost and don’t really exist… husband went out and got new pregnancy tests (different brand) and THE SAME THING HAPPENED - no control line!!!! I’ve been TTC for over 8 years and have taken hundreds of pregnancy tests and this has never happened. What on earth is going on?!!

[lulubelly1983]

oh so bloody horrible and emotionally devastating, being on here and just reading everyone’s unique but similar situations has been a god send for me, it’s made me feel normal I’m in the middle of waiting to miscarry a twin pregnancy after double FET transfer, one sac with an enlarged and other with a feral pole and yolk measuring behind and I’ve got a large Sch, this is us out after this, it’s been a nightmare I wish I’d had a BFN to be honest! This has certainly been a way putting me off doing anymore! Good luck you never know miracles happen xxx

[lmno]

Thanks for all your lovely comments. Finally managed to get a test to work and it was negative. So that’s us done. So grateful for the support of this forum. Will hug my daughter extra tight tonight and take some time to coming to terms with the end of this horrendous chapter in our lives. Sending you all very best wishes for your journeys xx

[Millbanks in reply to lmno]

I'm so sorry to hear this - We're about to start our last FET for a sibling too and I'm so anxious. We've done 2 FETs since he was born and both BFN so not holding out hope.

All I know is that I do feel a tiny bit of relief knowing that after this, it'll all be done and we can get on with our lives. No more injections, tablets, schedules, scans and no more false hope.

Sending you lots of love today xx

[lmno in reply to Millbanks]

Really hope the next one works out for you. I know what you mean. Now that we’re done it feels so weird. This has been the biggest thing in our life for 8 years and has taken priority over everything else. Now that we’re moving on from treatment and the hope of having another I literally have no idea what to do or who I am anymore. But I’m grateful that we’re stepping into a season of healing and rebuilding after all that infertility has taken from us x

[Millbanks in reply to lmno]

I completely get that. IVF takes over everything, planning anything social, any holidays, travel to and from the clinic, planning everything around meds and when you're not actively in a cycle, it's thinking about next steps, what else to try and how to get through the heartache. I won't miss it.

I really hope you find the peace you need and are able to spend lots of time with your little one without this all hanging over you.

I am scared that I'm missing out on my little boy because I'm focused on all this crap.

xxx

[Daisy-Delilah in reply to Millbanks]

This is so true, I can relate to this post so much. The amount of things I’ve cancelled recently- my friends and family must think I’m so flaky!

And same about missing out on the good times with my little boy.

I really hope your next round goes well xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Daisy-Delilah]

Thank you - and you too! xx

[Sparklylife in reply to lmno]

Oh I am so sorry!

Sending you a big big hug! It is mixed isn’t it - mourning it being over, without the dream, vision you had for yourself and your family.. by something you have no control over! But also the relief of the decision being made, no more planning and working your life out around fertility.

I feel this so much. Wishing you and your family all the best! And sending love 🧡

[orangecatmum]

I'm so sorry love, that is hard news to take in. Sending so much love and strength xxx

[lmno in reply to orangecatmum]

Thanks lovely. Not really sure how to feel. There’s always been the promise of another round before but that’s it for us this time so lots of mixed feelings and I think it will take some time to get my head around it xx

[orangecatmum]

Ah that is really tough, I'm sorry to hear that. That is definitely an extra pointy bit in the whole thing.

I am new to IVF (just had my first egg collection, now waiting for my embryos to be tested) so I am probably not well equipped to comment but so far I have learnt this journey (ugh, hate the word journey) is so complicated, so complex, nuanced to a mad degree, and is a literal rollercoaster. Some days are fine and some days are so awful it's hard to imagine carrying on. But we do, we always do, and lightness comes after the darkest period. I hope you find your light soon xxx