Male infertility, OHSS, s*xless relationship

[MotherhoodDream]

Hi Everyone. New to join, but loving all the support and great advice, so thought I'd put myself out there…After 3 yrs of TTC and what felt like the longest 1 year wait for the NHS on the fertility referral, my husband and I were given the dreaded news…. It's near impossible to conceive naturally. Last summer my husband was tested and found to have 100% ASA- Anti-sperm antibodies (with no probable cause), our only option would be IVF with ICSI. We have since begun our treatment, but had to stop 2 days before ET, as I had developed quite bad OHSS. I'm currently in the body recovery period. So we now have a healthy amount of frosties, which I'm very grateful for.

My issue is, since my husband received the news about the male infertility issues, he won't touch me. There has been little to no sex. He has confided in saying he doesn't feel like himself with this news, he feels like a failure and that his body doesn't work. I get it, cos that's exactly how I felt in the 3 years of TTC, but I'm really struggling with the lack of sexual intimacy. I feel more in love with him now than I have in a long time, I'm totally attracted to him and initiating of physical affection. We have a counselling session on the NHS booked in for next month, but what can I do in the meantime? Also outside of supporting him, how do I keep my spirits high whilst feeling totally undesired and very rejected? I feel like a bi**h for writing this, just trying to express myself in hopefully a safe space.

TIA x

[Keggles36]

Hi you're not a b**ch at all!

We had nearly two years of trying, then finally went for testing etc and found motility and morphology are at the point where natural conception is unlikely to work. We also found out he's really b12 deficient to the point of it being dangerous, and our old GP had this result 10 years ago and told him everything was normal! Though not confirmed, the clinic have said there is research that this could be the cause.

My husband felt the same as yours, and i have to say the counselling sessions have been fantastic and made a huge difference. We also made sure to put something in our diaries each week to do something together to remember why we like each other 🤣

I know this isn't that helpful - but there is light at the end of the very long tunnel.

[MotherhoodDream in reply to Keggles36]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. We do cuddle and kiss and we have such a laugh together, but that sexual intimacy is just like a big wall up, which I can't do anything to bring down. Really hoping the counselling can help him get his groove back, it's heartbreaking seeing him so beaten by this news. I've noticed it's also spilled out into other areas of his life, demotivated at work etc.This journey is so super tough. With all this being said, I'm feeling positive and excited about our next attempt of a transfer 🤞🏽

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

This is a difficult time for you and your husband but you seem to be doing everything to help resolve it As 1st post says there is light at the end of the tunnel Counselling is a great idea maybe a support network would be helpful On our website fertilitynetworkuk.org you will find support groups for both you and your husband Click menu and select Access to Support then scroll to Fertility Groups & below this is Meetings & Events so please take a look There is also a support group for men -click Learn about Fertility and scroll to HIMFERTILITY

Take care

Janet-Partner

[MotherhoodDream]

Thanks JA-fnuk this is really helpful

[ZeroHope]

What can I say…I feel your husband. In our couple I’m the one who has the infertility problem (poor egg quality) and I have to admit sex has changed for me. It’s hard, I know it’s wrong to feel this way, it’s not my fault if I’m like this. But I can’t help it, your sexual life changes. You feel defective and useless.

Sadly I have no real advice for you, but I’m sure these difficult times will come to an end, someday. Be patient with him, probably he’s suffering so much.

[MotherhoodDream]

Thanks for sharing. I will hold onto hope that the counselling will be beneficial to both of us. In the imterim, I'll sort myself out and continue to love and appreciate my husband for just being my life partner. I hope things get better for you, these are challenging times but they do not define you. Just means we all have to put in that bit of extra effort and medical help to get the family we want.