After multiple IVF rounds (due to secondary infertility), I finally got pregnant at the end of last year with a donor egg, but sadly that ended in a missed miscarriage. The loss and how it was managed was pretty traumatic, so I’ve decided to take a few months off before the next FET to give my body a break from the scans, injections, pessaries etc.
It feels so good to have a sense of control over my body and not to be consumed by fertility. I’m enjoying it so much I don’t want to go back. I’m seriously considering not transferring our two remaining embryos but worry I might later regret it. My partner and I always said we’d leave no stone unturned and give it our all. We had many rounds with nothing to transfer, let alone freeze, so being in this position is something I used to dream about.
At the same time, the thought of putting myself through another FET, then a TWW and then a potential BFN or worse another loss is too much. I still want a baby, but can’t ignore how physically and emotionally draining it is to continue.
Anyone been in a similar position? How did you decide what to do?
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Eswyn
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Yes, I went for a last ditch banking round and possible sibling when my daughter was about 10mnths old - made the wrong choice with the clinic who made a lot of mistakes and the one egg we got ended in a PUL and surgery at 10 weeks. I was very unwell at the time and emotionally it floored me. It also took me away from my daughter physically and mentally at quite a precious time. But the desire to give her a sibling and wanting to get the whole IVF life consuming stage over was very strong. And I was 39 and feeling the pressure. So I had a FET from an earlier round only 4mnths later. I wanted to do a double transfer to speed up the process but my consultant - probably rightly - said no. That was my first ever BFN (four prior transfers and been early losses, and one success) and it knocked me - I began to wonder if that one success had really been it, just chance, and also whether the surgery had left damage. But I went straight into a natural FET the following month still on this 'just get through them and soon this can all be over and you can be free' mentality. My bloods were off and I assumed something was wrong. But when I came to what would have been transfer it turned out I was pregnant naturally for the first time ever in 10 years. So one way or another the decision was no longer relevant. I would probably have just kept going with transfers, and despite the toll I have a feeling I would have done yet another round. It's like my desire to have another for me and my daughter had totally overcome the rational part of my brain. But I can see now that IVF and planning had consumed my every thought, and made me feel like everything was on hold and every decision or opportunity no matter how big or small, was tinged by how it would work alongside treatment. I feel free of it, for now at least. So I entirely understand how you're feeling and the conflict. I don't want to go back to that place now in hindsight. But that's because fate intervened and I don't have to. If you have frosties and they're DEs, then you could take a bit of a break - your age isn't so much a factor, and you can leave them stored as long as you want, but I know the age gap pressure is there. And I didn't see the frosties as an insurance policy or especially positively, more a reminder and pressure and some part of me just wanted to transfer them so I knew one way or another. Not sure if this helps you especially, just I get it. No matter what you do or don't do, things will be fine in the end and the regrets and trauma don't go exactly, but fade and you can enjoy life again x
Thank you so much for such a considerate reply. You hit the nail on the head with the comment about wanting a sibling but equally wanting the IVF phase of your life to be over. It’s all-consuming and so hard on your emotions, especially when you’ve been through loss too.
I wish someone could swoop in and make the decision for me, or better still, make it all go away. I recognise how lucky I am to even have a child - but it doesn’t take away the sadness and sense of failure we all feel with each failed attempt.
Knowing me, I’ll probably go through with the transfers because I couldn’t live with the ‘what if?’ I’m just dreading the possibility of any more heartbreak x
Please don’t give up! It’s hard being through all this process and anxiety stress and everything in between but it can be worth it. You only know if you try .
My partner and I tried our first round of ivf and it didn’t work, I was so upset and everything you can imagine, but it a break from ivf for few months so my body could go back to normal and tried FET …now we have our little miracle baby boy is here 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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Never give up hope on fast cleavage embryos Day 2 7-Cell Story
2 Embryos left and in late 40’s 
Update on measuring behind - another loss 😔 no embryos left
2 good quality embryos 🤞🏼
Risks of transferring 2 embryos
