TWW torture

[WHeatherW]

Hello everyone

I have recently completed my first fresh transfer and I’m currently in my “TWW”, or how I like to call it, “Hell on toast”!

I am 38 with a 11cm dermoid cyst on my left ovary. Just over a year ago I had a 8cm dermoid cyst removed from my right ovary.

We’ve been trying naturally for a few years with a small break as I sadly lost my mum just 11 weeks after a cancer diagnosis.

My experience at the clinic has been, 1) dermoid cyst found - go for surgery. 2) mum died and I couldn’t deal with this. 3) start the ball rolling again and as I’m about to start meds, another dermoid cyst is found. 4) everything is stopped whilst they make a decision. 5) they decide cos of my age to proceed and a further decision will be made if it’s unsuccessful.

So, this round…

My first baseline scan looked promising, 7 follicles, responding well etc. It felt like winning the lottery going to one of my appointments and not feeling like my world was ending. Then a few days later things changed and 7 turned into 3. Gutted. We then went on to only get two eggs as the other had over matured. They both fertilised though so we felt ok again. But the rollercoaster journey continued and one didn’t make it, so we had our great looking embryo transferred on day 3.

Obviously the TWW has turned me into a complete crazy person, googling every twinge, every nipple ache etc.

For some bizarre reason, I think I’ve felt quite confident that this would work. That maybe the last two years of hell meant the universe would be kind to me, or that my mum was up there making sure it worked. But that hasn’t lasted very long.

I experience extremely painful periods (thanks giant cysts) so I’m very familiar with the pain. I’m currently going from “this is definitely my period coming” to “hmm maybe that’s just a twinge so it’s a good sign”.

A negative for me is very daunting (as I’m sure it is for everyone) as we don’t have any in the freezer and I could be facing another laparotomy, which obviously comes with a much longer recovery time than keyhole. And my clock is well and truly ticking (levels are at the lower end).

My OTD is Friday and I’m doing my best to hold out until then. At least right now I have a glimmer of hope in between all of the crazy Google searching!

I know everyone says “cramping” and “twinges” are common and can be positive - but has anyone else really felt like it’s not that and actually their period is coming? And still had a positive?! I’ve read about “pulling” and I think I felt that early on but I seem to be getting sharp flashes of pain going up.

This post literally sounds like every other post doesn’t it - I’m not sure what I’m expecting, someone to tell me I’m actually pregnant 😂

Anyway, I’m waffling on! Hope you’re all having a good day and there’s some of you out there peeing on a stick right now and seeing a BFP! And those getting a BFN, I’m so sorry!

Lots of love xxx

[Redsequin]

Hi lovely. Sorry you’re in 2WW hell; it’s really mentally tough and you’re doing so well!

I felt pretty much exactly like my period was coming towards the end of my TWW, the cramping was weirdly similar. I was so surprised to get a positive pregnancy test at the end of it! Hoping it will be the same for you.

Good luck! 🍀

[WHeatherW in reply to Redsequin]

Thank you for replying!

Ohhh this is great to hear! Mother Nature is pretty cruel making the symptoms so alike!!! So happy that you got a BFP! Hope everything is progressing nicely xx

[Redsequin in reply to WHeatherW]

Yes! Progressing well… bubba is 14 months old now 😂. Wishing you so much luck.

[WHeatherW]

ahhh amazing! That’s such a cute age! I’m sure you’re absolutely shattered though haha!

Thanks so much!

[MrsOrangejuice]

That was a nice introductory message 😀 Welcome! It sounds like you've been through so much recently, especially losing your Mum, I am so so sorry - not to mention the health issues - when women like you appear on here having been through such life changing sadness and medical conditions, and still somehow manage treatment and optimism, well, I'm in awe. On your questions: short answer from.what I've experienced, it can be the effects of the meds (can be different each time btw) or the symptoms can vary from stabbing pains to dull aches, to twinges, or nothing, and it can 100% feel like a period coming and still be a BFP. Other symptoms are completely random too. I've found fresh transfers can be the most achey and twingey afterwards as your body's still recovering from the massive synthetic hormones doses, plus unnatural stimulation of lots of follicles, and an egg collection. But on my first FET I had such intense sudden pains a couple of nights after that I thought something was very wrong or that a very intense period was coming (had endo in the past, and it was more like that), but nope, that was probably implantation and my body not being entirely happy about it apparently 😅 - that one was successful. I've had a mixed bag of symptoms otheriwse (3 other BFPs, that sadly ended early, and one BFN) and no rhyme or reason to the symptoms or lack of. On my one and only ever natural pregnancy it felt exactly like my period coming on and bang on time, I also got spotting around the time it was due, and major 'PMT' - so much so I refused to take a test, but I'm 6mnths pregnant from that so...

Good luck for Friday and let us all know how it goes if you'd like to. And ask anything x

[WHeatherW in reply to MrsOrangejuice]

Ahh thanks for your lovely reply! I think I’m still on auto pilot from loosing my mum. I paused things as I said but as soon as we decided to start again, I’ve just kinda gone with the flow - except for the TWW of course 😂

It’s so interesting reading your experiences and it’s made me feel a little better, thank you! I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through multiple heartbreaks to get to this stage. Nothing is ever easy is it! Massive congratulations to you! Wow, I hope I’m on here telling people the same one day.

Good luck with the last few months! I will let you know how Friday goes! Eeek! Xx

[WHeatherW]

I got a BFN on Friday. Absolutely devastated but trying to think positive and move forward to the second round - hoping they don’t suggest more surgery first 🙏🏻 xx