I was due to have my 12 week scan on Monday, then this morning had some dark brown discharge… after calling EPAU and no appointments till tomorrow I booked a private scan asap. They could fit me in at lunchtime… and I got told there’s no heartbeat. Fetus measuring 8 weeks so it’s a missed miscarriage…
Heartbroken beyond belief…
No purpose to this post other than to get the support from my fellow ivf warriors.
I have an appointment with the hospital tomorrow morning to discuss next steps for the miscarriage.
At 39 with low ovarian reserve I feel like it’s slipping away from me. But I’m not ready to give up yet.
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HoneyB11
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I am so so sorry to read this HoneyB11 - it’s so unfair. I hope you have lots of love and support around you to help carry you through the difficult days. I’m glad you’re not giving up xx
oh @HoneyB11. Terribly heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful going through this at any point in the year but even more upsetting as this year comes to a close. I really hope you have a close network to get you through this brutal time. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. I sincerely hope that next year is your year and you get the baby you want x take care my lovely
Sorry to read this, it is really awful to find out when you really deserve happy news. I am going through the same at present too... mmc at 9 weeks, found out at 13wk scan.I found the hospital staff have been really empathetic, hope that is your experience too and you are able to slowly move forward.
I have found it is hard to keep going each day especially the first few days, so take it easy and surround yourself only with your closest people x
Sorry to hear you’re having to go through the pain of this too. It’s so heartbreaking but I’ve woken up today feeling a bit differently… I don’t want this to define me and go into a pit of depression isolating myself from the world (especially at Christmas and then forever more have negative connotations with this time of year!). I think I need to let it pass so I can mentally move on but I’m not ready to give up on my 🌈👶 yet!
You are right, it becomes part of you and makes you stronger for the future. I needed your positivity this morning! I always enjoy Christmas and don't want to associate it with this either (aside from the standard feeling of another year passed and still we are the same, that one is hard to shake) but will definitely do my best to have fun with family. Gonna be tough at times I suspect. But totally agree, the journey continues and I am definitely not giving up as we will get there in the end! X
I am so very sorry you are going through this . Losing a baby is heartbreaking & so cruel after ivf. Sending you so much strength. I hope you have support around you. Please take care xx
I had a blighted ovum back in October and it just felt like such a cruel rollercoaster of emotions after the joy of a positive test.
I hope you find a way process things in a way that is comfortable for you. I remember hating talk about "loss" and "a baby" and wanting to detach myself and make a plan to move on to the next step of treatment as soon as possible. Lots of women will take the opposite approach and quite rightly need time to mourn and pause any treatment. It make me realise that it's such a personal way we deal with grief and nobody can advise you better than yourself.
Fingers crossed the hospital appointment will give you an idea of next steps for when you're ready for them x
Thanks for your words and advice. I had my hospital appt and decided to wait for it to pass naturally so have a follow up on 29 dec. Then in the new year I think we’ll have a few months of trying naturally and then reconsider our options for another round of ivf (potentially trying DE this time)?!
I hope things progress quickly and it’s passed without issues for you. I was “lucky” that after stopping progesterone I miscarried a few days later so avoided medical management. Good that you have a bit of a plan, although there are always so many unknowns along the way aren’t there?! Best of luck x
I’m so very sorry you are going through this. Hope you are getting lots of rest and have people around you to hug you tight. I’m sending you the biggest hug and so much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hi I know it is hard moment. You can read a bit of my past experiences and my last treatment plans to finally get my son. Hope can help you with the investigations of miscarriages.
the hospital said as this is only my second MC they don’t investigate (only after 3 when it’s classed as recurrent MC failure) but doctor did reiterate the odds go from 1 in 5 after 35yrs to 1 in 2 at 40yrs (I’m 39)
So sorry for your loss . Just when you think all is well and start making plans you fall to the ground . Need to start everything from scratch . This happened on my last transfer (7th one) . It was a pgta tested double fet . All scans good released from fertility clinic . On my 10 week appointment there was no heart beat measuring 7 weeks 4 days . Heart breaking. But here I’m on my 8 th transfer done yesterday entering tww. Hope you gather strength and start again once you are ready . Take your time .
I'm so sorry for your loss made all the worse with the time of year. I'm never on here since I had my 5th miscarriage in October we are fortunate out of 7 pregnancies we have 2 live daughters one that is 4 and the youngest is turning 2 in February. I know the devastating feeling too well having had 2 chemical pregnancies , 20 week loss a loss at 6/7 weeks and my recent loss at 9 weeks. I wanted to say there is hope I had my youngest daughter at 40 following 3 losses in a row. Lots of women have children later. Not much point to my reply just to say I'm sorry and thinking of you. I won't say have a nice Christmas as I know that is impossible but hope you manage to get through it ok with lots of support Xx
I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you. The pain is so intense and I feel you completely. Take a deep breath, grieve, pick yourself up and keep going. You can do this because you want it so much. I’m here for you if you need to PM as well xxx
Once upon a time this happened to me too. I had a missed miscarriage. I feel so sad and upset for you and just want you to know I'm with you in thoughts and prayers. I can appreciate fully and understand how you're feeling right now. I trust you get the support you need from family and friends right now. You aren't alone. As this year draws to a close, a new year will dawn, one with new opportunities, new prospects, new beginnings. Nothing is impossible. Sending you a big hug from someone who has been in your shoes and gets it. X
Thanks poppy - I am lucky to have so much support from my family and friends and feel a little brighter today with the strength everyone is sending my way xx
Devastated for you 🥺 I had a failure a few years ago just before Christmas and I gave myself a break, enjoyed a drink and focused on something else for a change. Then started the new year with fresh resolve. Not necessarily the best thing for everyone but might be worth giving it a try. Stay strong, you can do this! Xxx
Hello, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss It’s such a cruel loss as when u hit 12 weeks u feel safe/r. Sending virtual hugs. I was in the same position a year ago, a few days before Xmas, it was v difficult. I ended up deciding to manage at home rather than medical intervention but after about a week I ended up with medical intervention anyway - I won’t go into details. It was difficult for many months afterwards, emotionally, but the cloud does lift I promise, wishing you all the best xxxx
Yes I’ve opted to see if it happens naturally given that I’ve already started bleeding so waiting to see - hopefully it’s soon and then think I can mentally move on xx
Oh I'm so so sorry, I had this at 12 weeks as well and found out on my scan there was heart beat. Such a shock and loss on so many levels. Look after yourself, take the time you need and know that you might not have met us but you're not alone 💕💕 xx
I spoke to my husband and told him I'd be sad and depressed whilst I grieved so he knew these emotions were a normal part of the loss. He spoke about his experience of it and loss too, which really helped. When I came out of the hazy depression and felt a bit stronger we made a plan to try again in Feb. I've had 3 miscarriages and 4 rounds ivf so we have planned for one more cycle and if that doesn't work I'll try egg donor (but im 42 and time isn't on my side). But this decision has taken the pressure off which has helped.Feel free to get in contact if you ever need to ask anything or struggling.
I spoke to my husband and told him I'd be sad and depressed whilst I grieved so he knew these emotions were a normal part of the loss. He spoke about his experience of it and loss too, which really helped. When I came out of the hazy depression and felt a bit stronger we made a plan to try again in Feb. I've had 3 miscarriages and 4 rounds ivf so we have planned for one more cycle and if that doesn't work I'll try egg donor (but im 42 and time isn't on my side). But this decision has taken the pressure off which has helped.Feel free to get in contact if you ever need to ask anything or struggling.
So sorry to hear that! The feeling of loss is so intense especially after the process we all have to put ourselves through with ivf. As I have low AMH I only got 1 fertilised egg on both rounds so have no frozen embryos. So will need to think hard on the new year about next steps - both emotionally and financially… xx
I'm so so sorry. This happened to me 3 weeks ago. Almost exactly how you describe. Same timing nearly. Like your whole world collapses in a moment. I couldn't breathe, I remember the scan room, the clock on the wall, the posters, the ceiling. It's truly heartbreaking and devastating. I'm turning 39 in 5 months. It's like the future disappears. I did nothing for the first 2 weeks. I miscarried the day before my surgery was booked (2 days after discovering MMC and having brown discharge, 2 days before my previously booked 13 week scan). Long story that I'm still having to go through now (Incomplete still). Take time, cry, be angry. Its so unfair. I contacted Petals for counselling. Simba for a memory box. I joined the Facebook group for Tommy's for support. If you need to talk then let me know. You can get through this. We will have our rainbows. You're not alone xx
So sorry you’re also having to go through this pain. When I booked my private scan I think in my gut I knew it wasn’t right and then exactly like you say I can picture the whole room as I was trying to focus on things I could see to make the deafening silence go quicker while she was scanning me for what felt like forever, squeezing my husbands hand so tightly - I just knew it was bad news.
It’s obviously still so raw and I feel like there’s reminders everywhere I look. I even got my husband a ‘dad jokes’ book that’s wrapped and under the tree from ‘dottie’ 😥
I woke up feeling differently today as I’m not going to let this ruin Christmases forevermore. Though I cried for pretty much 24hrs straight and all I wanted to do was hide under my duvet and not see or speak to anyone… my perspective on that is changing and I now think seeing my family and friends will help me move on.
I hope you’re coping ok with it - and am here if you want to chat privately xx
I am so sorry to read this. Its a good thing you have a string mind and not giving up yet. You are a string warrior and I wish you all the best in the future xx
My heart goes out to you.. sending lots of virtual hugs. Take care of yourself mentally and physically. The fact you have low reserve but was able to conceive means you should not give up. Take strength from that x
I haven't been on here for a while but couldn't ignore this when I got a notification. This is so cruel. I feel your pain. I'm so so sorry to read this 😢 sending you love and strength. Take some time out, but like you said don't give up lovely. Hope is everything ♥️ here if you ever want a chat xxx
I’m terribly sorry 😔 absolutely heartbreaking 💔 sending you love and strength at this difficult time xx
I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear this. There are no words that will make you feel better, just know you are not alone. Look forward and take each day as it comes. Sending you lots of peace, love, light and strength…your journey is far from over 🌺
I just wanted to say how very sorry I am. Have just had my first failed transfer and I feel like my heart is braking, I can’t imagine going through everything you have and then this happening at this point, I am so so sorry. Don’t give up. Give yourself time to grieve, rant, whatever you need and remember there is so much love here for you, you are strong and we’re all behind you even if just as strangers on the internet! Xxx
Absolutely gutted to read this. I can’t say anything to make it any better but just know I’m thinking of you and that inbox always open if you need to talk. Xx
I’m so sorry this has happened, it’s truly the worst. Sending you lots of love for the days and weeks ahead, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel all the emotions you need to 💔
I'm really sorry about this HoneyB11 , I send you a big hug, it is a massive heartbreak. Please just focus on yourself and your recovery for now. It's a lot to go through, hopefully you have lots of love and good support around you to get you through this. I know how awful this can be so just let yourself feel whatever comes your way, hopefully you'll come to terms with it on your own time, I didn't use it but most clinics have counselling available if you need it xx. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk. Sending you loads of love and strength xx
oh chick i’m so sorry… we mc just a day before our 12 wk scan so imagine things weren’t right before then too , there are just no words honestly… just keep focusing on the next steps, it finally worked for us when i had just turned 40 so don’t give up. For egg counts i took dhea and impryl but chat to ur fertility doc. The Argc fertility clinic in london i cannot praise enough too, they were magic …
also look at fertilityfamily.co.uk
support@fertilityfamily.co.uk
they were really helpful too and you can buy the products from them too
big hugs, just keep putting one foot enfront of the other xo
just want to say the biggest thank you to everyone who’s commented with messages of love, strength and support. It’s honestly made such a difference and I’m just so grateful to you all for being there for me. Xxx
hello, I’m so so sorry to hear this I went through the exact same thing 2 years ago, and I’d be lying if I said I managed to get over it, you never really do.
Here if you need to chat. Thinking of you and so sorry xxx
HoneyB11 I'm so sorry. This is so devastating and there are absolutely no words. Be gentle on yourself and surround yourself with people who love you and will support you. Thinking of you and sending love. Xxx
I’m so sorry and heartbroken for you HoneyB but I must say my heart lifted a bit when I read you’re not ready to give up yet!! I had a missed miscarriage at 39 in 2018 over the Christmas break. Also low reserve plus stage 4 endometriosis with a stubborn endometrioma (cyst) which kept filling up between surgeries to drain it. I decided to have an amazing 40th on safari in South Africa, went to Marrakesh the month after with my parents and my husband and then had another surgery to drain the cyst and get back on the IVF horse. After a failed FET and failed fresh cycle I got pregnant at 40 ( exactly the same time as the first cycle which ended in MMC) in November 2019 a year later. It stuck over Christmas and my beautiful son is now 3.
I had a couple of failed FETs before attempting a final fresh cycle last November 2022 aged 43 to get my gorgeous daughter who is now 4 months old.
Just sharing part of my story to let you know you have every reason not to give up!
Please give yourself the time and space to heal, process and grieve the terrible loss you have just suffered, surround yourself with as much love and care as you can this Christmas and then absolutely get back on it.
Being the same age as you, I can totally understand the feeling. Like you need to do everything and push on but yet at the same time nothing is guaranteed. You can talk to someone about it, get it off your chest.
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I always enjoy Christmas and don't want to associate it with this either (aside from the standard feeling of another year passed and still we are the same, that one is hard to shake) but will definitely do my best to have fun with family. Gonna be tough at times I suspect. But totally agree, the journey continues and I am definitely not giving up as we will get there in the end! X
It’s such a cruel loss as when u hit 12 weeks u feel safe/r. Sending virtual hugs. I was in the same position a year ago, a few days before Xmas, it was v difficult. I ended up deciding to manage at home rather than medical intervention but after about a week I ended up with medical intervention anyway - I won’t go into details. It was difficult for many months afterwards, emotionally, but the cloud does lift I promise, wishing you all the best xxxx
Worst possible—no heartbeat
Worst I've ever felt!
Worst fears confirmed - missed miscarriage 😓
Worst 2 months of my life
