To say I’m worrying is an understatement. We were lucky to get a BFP on Monday. The last 4 days have felt like torture. Every 10 mins or so I have dark thoughts about it all going wrong. I worry about this being a chemical pregnancy or having a miscarriage. My tummy flips and my head started pounding. I had stabbing pains in my groin last night and soreness of boobs is less now, than it was. I’m not sleeping and can’t focus on anything.
I have been on this group for so many years, I’ve read the heartbreaking stories of others who had their dreams ripped away. They’re all spinning around my head, constantly.
My OH picked up on my sadness last night and after talking it through, we came up with two options…do a POAS test routinely and seek counselling.
I know I need to break the cycle but I just can’t get there myself. I’ve tried walking but this just gives me more time to think. Returning to work on a Monday might help.
Can anyone reassure me what I’ve described is normal? Also, any tips about how to break this negative thought cycle?
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Vivkim
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I totally feel your pain! Last night I woke up with excruciating cramps and then had Diarrhea and was so upset thinking it could be the start of a MC again but then I read Diarrhea usually isn’t a sign of affecting the pregnancy and I’ve not had any bleeds (which is what happened last time) so I have to assume it’s all ok still.
I spoke to my clinic about my anxiety and they’ve been able to bring my viability scan date forwards so I only have to wait until next thurs now which is much better!
I have emailed the clinic this morning so I’ll wait to hear what they suggest.
Do you think getting bloods screened would alleviate my anxiety? I discussed this with OH but he thinks it could add to stress if numbers are not favourable at this stage.
I hope they offer an earlier date for viability scan too. How many weeks will you be at the time of your scan?
No offer of an earlier scan and I didn’t like to ask. The nurse who called was so considerate and told me to call any time it’s needed. It was lovely to hear they’re there to talk things through, but knowing me I’ll continue to dwell in private.
I’ll be 8 weeks if I get to the scan date and feel a little stronger tonight after distracting myself this afternoon.
The idea of bloods is adding to my worries so I’ve gone for a truck full of POAS tests instead 🤦🏼♀️ already worrying about result and the fact they’re a slightly different test to what I used earlier in the week. Hands up who’s not sleeping again tonight 🙋🏼♀️
Hi Vivkim. Try drinking more water as it might help with the dark thoughts. Avoid constipation too.you’ve been through so much in the past, so time to face forward and look towards your first scan, when you get to meet your little bean. Thinking of you and good luck. Diane
I’ve been drinking more today after reading your message. Need to pee often but not a lot coming out so it’s quite uncomfortable BUT the stabbing pain has almost gone.
Thank you for your positivity. I hope that if all is well at the 8 week scan, I won’t feel like this to such an extent after.
Hi Vivkim, I have never had a BFP but can relate to feeling like that when I'm taking some of the drugs/during treatment. Maybe acknowledging that some of your feelings and anxiety might be worsened as a side effect of the hormones might help? It really helps me. When I feel like that I think "do I really think right now that this is all going wrong/my ovaries are exploding/I have a cyst/my lining has disappeared, and, if I don't believe it, then why do I feel like this?". I then try to acknowledge that maybe the anxiety isn't all real and something that is just happening to me as part of treatment (just like the sore boobs and the brain fog and the twinges and everything else) rather than something coming from me. I hope that makes sense. It was something the clinic counsellor helped me with and it just makes it easier to deal with somehow. You are in a totally different situation to me so might not help, and I certainly dont want to belittle how you are feeling as I can imagine how awful it is, but thought I'd share that. Also I think the stabbing pains in the groin are listed as side effects... I had that during my last TWW and it was certainly one of the odder side effects!!
Also, the counsellors are really helpful so definitely get in touch with one.
I think that is really sound advice. I didn’t think to attribute my over-thinking to the hormones being taken. This has given me some relief. Thank you.
I’m not much of a talker so I’m reluctant to take up counselling if it will be a waste. The service is very stretched at our clinic currently. My OH had a counsellor last year after a serious illness and he didn’t think it helped him and we’re defo cut from the same cloth 😂
I have everything crossed for you on the next part of your journey.
Hello! I'm so sorry about your anxiety, i get a lot of anxiety too to the extent i can't sleep. One thing comforting my husband reminded me the other day is that there are lots and lots of success stories out there, but typically we only hear about the difficult ones on forums like these because women who have success aren't on these forums! It was a nice reminder that these heartbreaking stories, although they feel "normal" to us now, actually aren't normal and all that likely to happen at all. xxx
I’d actually disagree a little as there are lots of positive success stories I’ve read on this forum! They have helped provide a lot of hope and reassurance to me through difficult times and can do the same for you too xx
I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve taken lots of comfort from the positives over the years, I guess I’m not letting the good filter through right now and I think that’s what Carlotta is experiencing too. I’ll be sure to update with any positives hereon in (if I manage to put my positive pants on).
Hi Vivkim, I just wanted to send you a hug and send you good luck xx this is a tough process to go through as the worry never ends , please try to be kind to yourself xx my sister had the groin pains when she was pregnant recently, I can’t remember the explanation and although they were very annoying it wasn’t anything serious xx
You could do the blood tests if you feel that May help you , or an early private scan after week 7 . Some ladies in here have said it’s helped them as reassurance.
Just try to take one day at a time , all the best of luck for your pregnancy xx
The groin pain has got less after having a number 2. I may have been constipated 🤦🏼♀️ although I’ve now got tugs on the other side 😵💫
I don’t like to share in detail, my concerns with the OH, so internalising lots of it. I’m going to hold off on blood screening and wait for the scan. Tonight I’m a little stronger which will hopefully continue.
The scan offered is at 8 weeks so I think I’ll try to hold out. We have a private hospital just up the road from us and I’ve enquired about bloods and scans. They need a referral from the clinic I’m under. I feel like I’m meddling in the process and being a pain so going to hold off as long as I can.
ahh bless you constipation is a real problem ! I think it can be side effect of the progesterone , try to eat fruit and vegetables and drink plenty of water xx prunes are good too x
Hopefully you’re not too far from the scan, just be kind to yourself , hopefully time will pass very quickly, try to do nice things to help getting your mind distracted xx all the best xx
I’ve never had the best bowel movements so it’s hard to tell 😅
I’m going to watch the nieces swim this afternoon. I’ve been consumed with this process for so long, we don’t do much socialising now. We’ve not actually returned to normal since covid. I’ll make a conscious effort hereon in 🙏
Thank you for your words of wisdom. It’s lovely to chat to others who know full well what this is all about.
My thoughts are with you in your 2WW and I hope you booked that flight!
I've been there. We were also unexplained infertility which is its own special kind of torture as there's 'nothing wrong' so no explanation, nothing to fix, nothing to monitor and no treatment. Took us forever to get to our first round after cancellations and lockdowns, and I got a BFP at 5dp5dt and just assumed it had worked. When the lines started to fade a couple of weeks later I was devastated, but told these things happen and it's a good thing we got implantation, just play the numbers game. That was our only NHS go so went private and the same thing happened. At that point I thought there must be something very wrong with me (always the woman, right?) and thought it would never happen. But the consultant said it's numbers and 1 in 3 was what he'd expect. I went into my first FET with a sort of numbness and when I got a BFP I struggled to feel anything really, as I assumed it would also end. I had a very early private scan, basically as I wanted to get it over with and hear the inevitable, but that was OK, as was the next one, and the HCG kept rising, and the next scan went well... I worried throughout and it's awful and even after the birth I kind of assumed I wouldn't get to keep my LG, but she's 18mnths now. I've since had a PUL and a BFN on a FET, and now inexplicably naturally pregnant entering my second trimester. I'm still worried, pretending I am just being a realist, and going from scan to scan assuming the worst. But so what, I know if it ends happily, the worry and anxiety is a bad memory and the pain fades. And trust me you can't worry the baby away, or do any harm with negative thoughts (or I would have been in serious trouble). Just care for yourself and take each day you wake up and go to bed, as a day ticked off. Try to enjoy it as time goes on if you can, but don't worry about worrying or regret not enjoying being pregnant, you don't need that on top of everything.
Not sure mine is all a positive story, as there were a lot of downs, but it shows it can happen and sometimes things can work out OK x
I’m welling-up reading your words. What a journey you’ve been on 💔 I’m bursting with joy that things eventually worked out for you. ‘Pretending to be a realist’ struck a cord with me. I know there is a voice in my head that is guarding my heart but there’s a glimmer of hope in there too.
Also ‘can’t worry a baby away’ hit home! I’ve been worrying, then worrying my worries will manifest a bad outcome! Thank you for your levelled thinking 💜
I wish you and your little family (inc. the brewing bean 🥰) all the love in the world 💜
I'm so glad if it helped even a little bit, and thank you for your lovely reply. On worrying and stress, I had some unhelpful comments like 'all that worrying can't be good for the baby', 'you're passing your stress onto the baby' and quasi-medical advice like 'the baby will be flooded with cortisol and will be so anxious when it's born'. Excuse the language, but that turned out to be absolute boll*cks - she was the most chilled, happy not-a-care in the world baby who slept like a log from day one. If you're anxious, you're anxious, it won't change anything, it's just not great for you and maybe some sort of counselling may help, but you've been through a lot and you'll get through this too x
My advice would be to stay off this forum for a while, it’s so wonderful and supportive but also just coming across stories that won’t help you right now will just make everything worse.
Keep telling yourself that there is no reason that it would go wrong, because there isn’t.
It is totally acceptable to have all these feelings. You are going through so much right now and you will be analysing every symptom and feeling you have. I googled so many different symptoms I was having leading up to my viability scan and I got myself into such an anxious state and it did absolutely nothing to help me and didn’t change the outcome, it just made me feel like worse. The mind can really play tricks on you and make you feel all sorts of horrible things.
Keep yourself busy, focus on all the good things that are around you, and keep positive that your little eggy is safe and snug in there. You have got this xxx
Thank you for your reassurance. I feel I’m in a better place this morning and going to take Millbank’s suggestion to stay off this forum for a bit. I am so grateful for those who have responded to my posts as each one has made me stronger, but I can’t trust myself not to look for the heartbreaking stories right now.
I’m not sure where you are on your journey but I send you love and prayers 💜
I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant following my second round of IVF. Your worries are completely normal and understandable. I had very similar worries early on which drove me to a point of stress and anxiety.
In the early weeks i would wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating cramps that I genuinely thought I was miscarrying. I would also wake up with ever so slightly tender boobs but that would subside throughout the day and some days there would be nothing. The wait for the seven week viability scan is torturous. I convinced myself that there was not going to be a heartbeat and stressed myself out over every little thing.
Everyone will have different symptoms and a different experience. There is nothing you can do at this stage but wait and look after yourself. Get out the house, keep busy and try to be kind to yourself.
Thank you for the reassurance. I’d love to be where you are right now, but won’t wish my life away or assume your worries are less as you’re further along. Do they ever?
I’m so pleased your dreams came true.
I’ll look after myself. Make sure you do the same.
The worries never go away fully but they do get easier after each milestone! For me the wait between positive pregnancy test and 7 week scan was the worst. 12 week scan is really special and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy from then.
Well when reading this I felt the tension leave my shoulders! Thank you. I’m worried I’ll feel like this for as long as I’m in this process. I hope I’m like you and begin to enjoy from week 12.
I think ivf takes away the excitement of pregnancy as you are constantly worrying waiting for something to go wrong. I didn't relax a bit until 20 weeks. I also didn't like people buying things for the baby incase anything went wrong. However at the 20 week scan it brought a sense of reality that we were going to have a baby.I know easier said that done but being anxious/worried won't change the outcome either way. Do lots of things that make you happy to release all the happy hormones and your viability scan will be a few weeks away, then your 12 week scan etc.
I totally understand how you feel. After many years of infertility, we recent got our bfp this round and it’s difficult to enjoy it with all the worry now of all the things that could go wrong. Try to stay positive and visualise your progressing pregnancy and holding your baby in your arms. Do things to make you laugh, watch funny films or comedy, laugh with friends. It’s important to keep your stress hormones down and laughter helps. I found work was a welcome distraction but also paid for an private early viability scan at 6 weeks and 5 days. Seeing the heartbeat was a massive reassurance. Then our 8 week scan doesn’t seem so far away. I think because we’ve had to struggle to get here and know how difficult it is, it’s natural to worry, then add on all the hormones and it ramps it all up even more. I hope everything goes well for you and you get to enjoy your pregnancy.
I’ve been working my way through lots of comedies and romcoms (although the latter end up in me crying). I’m steering clear of any sad films about dogs, I don’t have the strength for that haha!
Work starts back for me Monday after a week off. It’s busy and rewarding so Monday can’t come fast enough!
I’m not sure where you are in your journey but I I’m hoping your doing okay 💜
Hi Vivkim, just wanted to say I totally relate, so sending you lots of love. It is so difficult. I’d definitely say go for a private scan if you can afford it as we had one at 6w5d and then one at 8w5d which helped. I’m 11 weeks now and I can feel my tension rising ahead of the 12 weeks scan. I’ve had two miscarriages before which were quite traumatic (I guess they all are), and I just tried to think right well I know how bad it could be, and this could all go wrong at any point, so I’m just going to try and enjoy being pregnant until I know otherwise. It doesn’t always work but thought I’d share in case it does. Also I have told people I’m pregnant in my friend and family group this time. I felt like I never got to the point of being able to experience the happiness of sharing with others before and I thought sod it, why not. Everyone’s reaction has been so lovely and when I caveat that it might not work out still, I’ve been surprised at how many people have said we will be there for you if it doesn’t. Anyway this is all very long winded but wish you the absolute best xxx
Private scans are an option but I also want to follow process and not meddle. I’ll see how I get on in work next week.
I’m sorry to read about your heartbreak but I’m over the moon that you’re where you are right now! Congratulations.
I’m not strong enough to tell anyone other than our parents yet but maybe this will change after 12 week scan.
I wish you all the very best for next week. There have been some amazing words of wisdom and advice in this thread so I hope you’ve had a read and that they’ve helped you too.
Hi Cat84, do you mind me asking when did you tell your friends and family? This is something I’m struggling with right now. I’m dying to tell my mum but I’m also so worried it will end in another loss and I couldn’t bear telling her that too. It’s so unfair that this should be a happy time but all I can think about is what can go wrong as we’ve had so much heartache to get to this point.
I completely agree, this is all so hard. I told my Mum on test day as I knew if it didn’t work out I would want her help and support in getting through that next part. As for friends we’re still in the process of telling them but my closest friends I told within a couple of weeks. I wasn’t expecting everyone to be so emotional when I told them but there have definitely been a fair few (happy!) tears and made me realise this has been a journey that I haven’t been on alone, even if it did feel like it at times! Whatever you decide I’m sure you’ll know when it’s the right time for you 😊 best of luck with everything xxx
This has resonated with me so much. We had our first ever BFP on Thursday and my anxiety is through the roof but this thread has given me some comfort. I think IVF brings a lot of trauma without much acknowledgment and our go to is to think something bad will happen because of past experiences of loss and heartbreak. My worry is I don’t know when the right time is to tell my family as I feel like if I let myself get excited, it will only lead to more disappointment. My husband and I feel like we can’t even talk about it for fear of ‘jinxing it’. However, it’s reassuring that we’re not alone in our feelings and we can only take it one day at a time. I’m going to plan some self-care over the next few weeks, get my hair done, see friends etc and keep busy and try and stay positive. Wishing you all the best! 🤍 xx
Congratulations on your BFP! It’s a shame it’s quickly overshadowed by the worry eh!
This thread had changed my mindset today. I’m going to focus on happy, healthy things and push out the bad. For now 🤦🏼♀️
I tested again this morning which thankfully was positive. It’s been 4 days since I last tested. It’s given me reassurance so will do this once a week until the first scan.
I hope you can do what’s been suggested in this thread.
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