*SENSITIVE*

[hifer]

Hello team,

Just thought I would give an update. After our 7th transfer and fourth after our first success, I got a BFP. I will be completely honest, I’m not even that happy (just being honest in case anyone is in my shoes). I was convinced it had failed (because I’m an idiot and the tests were negative at 4dpt and 5dpt) but I started getting a BFP from 6dpt. Then I was just shocked and allowed myself a glimmer of hope. Now though, the anxiety has swamped me as I now wait for the first scan at 7weeks.

I’m doing ALL the things. I meditate, I’m going to start writing in a journal, I have a counsellor, I listen to music, I’ve cleared my social media pages of anything that I just can’t be seeing right now. I’ve told my doctor that my anxiety is very high, and was in my last pregnancy, and they are referring me pretty quickly. I just don’t think anything will really help until that first scan. I already know I won’t be waiting until 7 weeks. I suspect I’ll be in EPU at 6 weeks.

Of course, life goes on in the meantime. We’re busy, I have to work etc which helps massively. The journey doesn’t stop at the BFP though. If anyone has any tips then please let me know.

I know it’s such a struggle to get to the BFP so I don’t want to belittle that but also wanted to say that it can be tough afterwards too and I just wanted to support those that might be feeling that. EDIT: Just thought I should add that we’ve lost 2 babies between 7-9 weeks which may also help to explain the anxiety.

Well done team. All going through such struggles. Such a strong, resilient bunch.

Xx

[Applepie7]

Congratulations I know excatly how you feel but I would like to say take each day as it comes, try to be positive so you give your womb and baby positive vibes. I know very well that its like walking on egg shells but you have passed a hurdle so try to be happy and enjoy the moment easier said than done but you have to for your own mental health and baby's health and development. I hope everything goes well and again my heartfelt congratulations x

[Twiglet2]

congratulations lovely 🥰 I have found nothing That calmed me fully except telling myself there’s nothing more I can do what will be will be 🤗 I’m sure all will be fine and I hope the days until scan go quickly for you xx

[hifer in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you. Xx

[Bexarama83]

congratulations! It’s so hard, just take it day by day. Don’t get too concerned by symptoms coming and going, don’t keep doing tests. Do anything that helps you relax. I did Accupuncture and acupressure every week until 12 weeks which massively helped me relax. 🤞🏼for the viability scan and for a successful pregnancy xxx

[hifer in reply to Bexarama83]

Yes thank you. I’m going to look into local pregnancy massages. I already clench my jaw at night (and have a mouth guard) but it’s been really bad the last few days that my jaw is so painful I’ve been on soups and juices as I can’t open my mouth properly 🙈. Honestly you couldn’t make this stuff up. As you say, anything to get you to 12 weeks xx

[50shadesofblue]

Congratulations dear! I'm so happy you got where you are now! And I understand completely how you feel. This is how I see myself feeling if I ever get a BFP again, not even happy, constantly freaking out. In the dark moments of anxiety I say to myself, why can't it be you who gets to succeed? it might as well work this time, statistically it may be you. It's so easy to fixate on stuff that can go wrong, try to remember things can go right! Big hugs and hopefully time flies fast enough xx

[hifer in reply to 50shadesofblue]

Thank you. I guess I’m just so used to things going wrong, I struggle to look at the positive (which actually isn’t me in ‘real life’) I desperately want to believe this pregnancy is viable and I am really trying. Xx

[Linny12]

Every little step is a win, and gets you closer and closer to that end goal that everyone on here is working towards. Congratulations xx

[PenguinBlue]

oh sending you so many congrats hifer - so pleased to hear this update from you. I can imagine with infertility and losing two babies, it must be a rough time right now but sounds like you’re doing all the right things to keep yourself busy but also in a good headspace - hope the next week or so goes quickly for you until your scan and sending lots of love too xxx

[hifer in reply to PenguinBlue]

thanks you so much lovely xx

[Smithfield23]

hi Hifer, congratulations. I also try and keep my heart on lockdown so I don’t get carried away, which is to be expected after what we’ve been through. My therapist said that you have to let yourself enjoy these moments of joy, because that’s what gives you the strength to survive the devastation. Maybe that’s depressing but it helped me allow myself to feel happy/hopeful, because I was giving myself a break. Good luck on the onwards journey ❤️