A positive update (sensitive)

[LunaLovegood11]

Hey all, I’ve been reading all your posts but haven’t written in a while so thought I’d give an update.

We got our first ever BFP after our first round of IVF. We’d paid for 3 rounds under the Access Fertility refund scheme and were expecting it to take more than one go if it was going to work for us.

The turmoil of a round was almost too much to handle, I was all over the place emotionally but we were finally ‘doing something’ to make it work for us. I was always online looking for coping strategies and ways I could handle the stress of it all.

My partners father died during the round so he had double stress to deal with. We had the embryo transfer the day after he passed - had to leave the family to be back at the clinic for the appointment, put this process first which made us feel guilty.

10 days later the first BFP looked like a BFN to start with, then this faint little line developed. We had to wait a week before doing a second test - that was the worst wait of the lot for me! I was going insane and wanted to test every day but resisted. The second test was the morning after the funeral at his Mums house. I couldn’t sleep and was up at 4am. It was a strong BFP and we told his Mum the news and about the journey - we hadn’t wanted to burden them before.

The 7 week viability scan was fine - we could see a little heartbeat and I cried my eyes out! And last week we paid for another scan at 10 weeks 5 days, as the NHS couldn’t get us in before Xmas for the first screening scan and I was desperate for reassurance. It was brilliant, actually looked like a baby, and was swimming around and making shapes.

After the 2 scans I’m only just starting to actually believe this might have worked for us.

I had visions of being so happy and relieved once I finally got the first BFP but the infertility anxiety has taken all of that. I really wanted to enjoy every second of the pregnancy that I desperately wanted for 3 years.

Infertility is a bitch and I wanted to put a post on here that all of you are so brave and strong and inspiring.

I hoped I could leave it behind me once I got pregnant but I’m not sure it will ever go away. My mum said she has seen it change me, the anxiety and worry isn’t me at all. And although I’ve got a long way to go and things can still go wrong, I’m just about getting my head into believing it all, if only a teeny bit.

So I’m sending all the luck to you that I can wish for for this Christmas. You are all amazing and deserve that special magic that you wish for xxxx

[Skippy1982]

Congratulations on your pregnancy and so sorry to hear about your father in law passing😥. That must have been so tough for you all especially with the timing.I know what you mean about infertility anxiety. I have had so much anxiety since I started this journey! I used to be quite laid back. If I’m lucky enough to see those two lines again I can imagine I will worry about everything! I hate the way infertility makes you feel. Thank you for this message and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your baby on board. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xxx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Skippy1982]

Thank you so much xx I’m sending you some Christmas wishes xx

[Skippy1982 in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Thank you! ☺️xxx

[Gem2410]

Hi. Aww I’m glad you and baby are doing well 😊 I know what you mean about the anxiety. This journey is so difficult. I’m struggling at the minute with anxiety on the 2ww. So goodness knows what I would be like if I ever got pregnant. I never used to be like this. Have a wonderful Christmas. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. Keep us updated 😊 xx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Gem2410]

Thanks so much - and good luck!!! It’s so consuming. Look after yourself and enjoy a relaxing Xmas xxx

[Coral86]

Congratulations on your pregnancy your msg was so sweet it gave me a tear !!! My mum has said the same to me I’m like a diff person since going down the ivf route anxious angry tearful hating life it really is awful I hope u can try relax and enjoy ur pregnancy now u deserve it xxxx 💗

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Coral86]

Aww thanks! I was hoping to send some Xmas positivity and love, to the most amazing women (and men!) going!! Sending so much love and luck xx

[MissSaoPaulo]

What a tough time, but I hope this good news helps the whole family. My husband's mum died earlier this year while I was pregnant and the baby was the only thing that kept him going.

It's hard not to be anxious when you want something so badly, especially when it's been a struggle to get here, but I do hope it's settling a little now and you can enjoy this special time as much as possible xxx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Yes thank you - life never seems to let up, does it?! The positive was that his Mum was really happy with the news, so pleased we had some positivity to share with her. How are you now? Xx

[MissSaoPaulo in reply to LunaLovegood11]

We're doing well, baby's 4 months now. Christmas is a hard time after losing a parent but also lovely as it's baby's first.

Hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and this time next year your little one will be gazing at the lights and decorations trying to grab them!!

[Kiedy84]

Hi hun, congratulations, I know exactly how you feel me dear it's hard to allow yourself feeling totally happy and relaxed. Even now when I am 35 weeks I stil have worries that something may go wrong but I don't allow them to stay in my head for too long. I think that's the key. Try to relax and enjoy the little one inside you deserves it😀🥰🥰🥰🥰

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Kiedy84]

Wow not long left for you now! How exciting!! Hope everything is amazing xxx

[Tiddly1984]

Hi Luna, your feelings are so valid and understandable. It does get easier as your pregnancy progresses especially once you have the 12 week scan and then the anomaly scan at 20 weeks and begin to feel baby move each day. Just take it day by day and hold on in there. Congratulations. xxx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Tiddly1984]

Thanks so much! How are you getting on? Xx

[Tiddly1984 in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Welcome 😊 I’m 21 weeks now and still experiencing daily nausea but I know it’ll all be worth it so trying to keep my head up. I’ve also had my anomaly scan which was perfect and feel her kick each day so I’m much more reassured and trying to relax now. It’s a tough journey, but the more milestones you pass the less anxiety you tend to feel. Hope your 12 week scan goes well and sorry for your family’s loss...x

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Tiddly1984]

Thanks so much xxx

Wow that’s amazing!! I’m feeling more positive after one at almost 11 weeks, trying to think that there’s no reason to think it’s not as it should be. Hope your sickness eases soon!! Xx

[Tiddly1984 in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Thank you 😊 At 11 weeks you’re really on your way. No reason why things shouldn’t progress perfectly with baby going forward. It’s so sad but I think most losses occur before 10 weeks. All the best Luna...x

[Millbanks]

That’s so lovely hun, despite the extra trauma. Our first round just failed so gearing up to try again in Feb. Can I ask, did they do anything differently for your BFP? Or was it just luck? The more I think about it the more I think it must be.

Try to enjoy your pregnancy- easier said than done I’m sure but you’ve been through so much to get here xxx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you! Xx

They changed my down-reg medication halfway through as it wasn’t working properly for me and I started the round again, and I had lots of scans during it all which kept them informed. I’ve been super lucky as it was the first go, the consultant said at the start that the first try can be trial and error as they never know how well respond to the drugs and also to expect it to take more than one go because of our results.

I think so much is luck, and some good advice I was given at the clinic is that if it’s going to stick, it will - if it isn’t, it won’t. Sounds simple but it helped keep me sane (ish). I wasn’t super strict, I’m quite active with a reasonable diet anyway but didn’t stop having a drink until I started injections and tried to keep really busy with work etc throughout it all.

They had local monthly support groups running at the clinic which I found really helpful and have made some friends from it. Helps to not feel so alone in this.

Wishing you so much luck with it all! Xxx

[amyw_15]

Sorry to hear about your father in law.. congratulations on your BFP. I wish you all a lovely Christmas and a happy 2020!

We got our first ever BFP last week following our first ivf cycle. I thought I’d be so excited and relaxed once we’d done the test for I feel the complete opposite. We have a scan on New Year’s Eve and I’m so scared nervous for it. I’m hoping I can enjoy Christmas this year as it wasn’t a great one last year due to our ivf journey. New Year’s Eve will be here in no time then hopefully I’ll start to chill a little bit!

Good luck with everything 💕 xxx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to amyw_15]

Wow congratulations!! This bit was the toughest for me... Totally understandable really! It’s the fear of having a hope being snatched away I think...

If I could say anything, it would be that unless you have any bad signs, there’s nothing to say it will go wrong (apart from all of our emotional baggage of course!)

I told myself I could look at it in 2 ways - either stress out the whole time or try and enjoy it. If things didn’t work out I’d be devastated either way, stressing wouldn’t make it any less painful.

Hope you can enjoy Xmas and the absolute best of luck New Year’s Eve... Will be thinking of you, please keep us posted!! Xx

[amyw_15 in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Thank you so much! I’ve told myself this too. I am doing much better than I’d thought haha! Ahhh thanks that’s lovely I will update once we’ve had the scan 🤞🏻💕

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to amyw_15]

I always planned on enjoying a pregnancy if I was ever lucky enough to get there and really don’t want infertility to rob me of that xxx

[amyw_15 in reply to LunaLovegood11]

That is a very good way of thinking! It’s been one hell of a journey after over 4 years I can’t quite believe we’re here! I’m sure it’ll sink in soon!! xxx

[Core]

Congratulations on your scan, you have been through so much and so happy for you. Hope you are able to relax and enjoy the next trimester xx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Core]

Thanks so much! Sending lots of love xx

[Rowly88]

Congratulations, wonderful to hear such good news xx 💕💕💕

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Rowly88]

Thanks lovely xxx

[Picalilli99]

Congratulations so pleased you have this good news, when you both have been going through such a difficult time xxx

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Picalilli99]

Thanks so much xx of anything it’s definitely made me realise how infertility is very similar to grief and no less painful xx