Looking for hope

[cp92]

Our first ICSI round just failed and I’m feeling so dejected. This journey just seems to get harder. We have no frosties so back at square one. Can anyone share positive stories or coping strategies during the wait before the next round. I feel like I’m going loopy and can’t think about anything else. Thank you xx

[Lozza8844]

Hi there I'm on my 2nd icsi round, see my info for more detail. I think you just got to slow it down and take each day as it comes. Hard to put into practice I know. Depends on your character too. I try to not focus to much on it and live in the moment as its completely out of our hands so to speak. Wishing you all the luck in the world. The more you go on the higher your odds are. Every women is different and their journeys are unique so you often go around in circles comparing your journey to others 🙏❤️

[cp92 in reply to Lozza8844]

Such good advice, thank you for taking the time to reply! Wishing you lots of luck for your second round 🙏🏻❤️ It’s a real art this and gosh a rollacoaster! xxx

[Lozza8844 in reply to cp92]

My pleasure 🙏❤️ trust the process. I think my transfers failed but I'm not to gutted about it. You got to control your mind and emotions 😊

[Lozza8844]

You are still very young too 😊🙏

[Piggypiggy82]

I felt frantic after my first failed cycle. Just wanted to get on to the next one ASAP, and also didn’t have any frosties from that round. It did get easier from then on - I was way more chilled the second time because I’d adjusted my expectations. I think maybe the first time you do something it’s so loaded with hope that it can be more difficult when it fails, but you have to remember that it’s a course of treatments. They can tweak your protocol, if necessary, and you just keep bloody going. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 xx

[cp92 in reply to Piggypiggy82]

Thank you, the urge to rush on with the next step is great! But really need to take some proper time to process and grieve. I will keep going (when the time is right) 💪🏻💪🏻 xx

[Jam1111111]

Our first icis resulted in a mc at 10 w. and we rushed back into another round as we had no frosties and i just kept thinking we are running out of time, I was 40 at that point but I wish I had just taken a moment slowed down as mentally it took its toll that round. After our 2nd failed icis resulted in no embryos to transfer we took 8 months off and although this round failed im much more relaxed and living life as we go as before it was all about icsi but we need be able to have a life at the same time. Although this round wasn't successful we did get 2 embryos, one transfered (failed) and a frostie. So I don't know if the break had anything to do with a bit more of a positive outcome.

I also swapped clincs after our 2nd failed icsi wish I'd done it after the 1st round but I was so frantic I rushed back in.

Slow down, deep breath and enjoy life.

Best of luck x

[cp92 in reply to Jam1111111]

Thank you for taking the time to comment and for sharing your story so far. Makes me feel a lot less alone. You are so right though, as hard as it is, it’s not the only thing in our lives as much as it feels like it sometimes. Xx

[Eloquentia]

Hi! I am really sorry that your ICSI round failed, IVF can be so soul crushing. The way we coped with our failed FET last year this time was by booking an impromptu holiday abroad, escaping from it all and living like normal people for a while. We took a short break from IVF all together, caught up with friends, gave ourselves the time to grieve and heal. For our next round, I did fertility reflexology, which I found really soothing and helpful. It is a hard journey and a real rollercoaster. The breaks matter as much as the steps you take to reach the goal. Good luck!

[cp92 in reply to Eloquentia]

Thank you, I think you’ve read my mind! We’ve booked a last minute holiday for next week as need something else to focus on and work doesn’t quite do the trick. Fertility reflexology sounds great, did you go off a recommendation or do your own research? xx

[Eloquentia in reply to cp92]

I am sure that holiday will do you a lot of good Make sure to enjoy it to the fullest and do all the things you would normally do whilst on holiday with no guilt and no regrets! Re: fertility reflexology, I did my own research and it took me two attempts to find the right refelxologist for me in my area. She is a former midwife - it looks like there are quite a few midwives/nurses who take up reflexology and my experience has been really positive because she understands what I am going through. xx

[cp92 in reply to Eloquentia]

I plan on it! ☺️ Thank you, that sounds good. Will look to do that myself xx

[Lucy014]

Hi, sorry to hear yours did not work. I am in the same situation as you, had a failed cycle after just 1 embryo in May, currently in the early stages of long protocol for round 2. When you have the break you realise how consuming it can all be, so I agree with everyone else about enjoying life again and having nice plans throughout the break before round 2. A holiday sounds like a great idea! Its a good time to relax and enjoy being 'you' again, have a lovely time.

I am glad you posted as I feel pretty down at the moment, likely to be due to hormones so reading everyones positive advice is exactly what I needed to read too

Good luck! xx

[cp92 in reply to Lucy014]

Thank you Lucy, sending you all the luck in the world too! xx

[Rainbow_89]

Hello, I never normally post and selfishly have used this site lots to get wisdom and comfort from others. It really kept me going at times. However, our luck changed recently and wanted to share to hopefully inspire some hope. We also had a failed ICSI round with no embryos to transfer. My husband had sperm numbers you could count on your hand. Attempted embryos perished. I remember feeling so deflated and upset. It felt like everyone else was announcing their pregnancies all around me and our life was on pause. I think a holiday is a good idea. Definitely try to still find moments of enjoyment as it can be a long journey and you need to maintain some energy for the next step. Keep communicating with your partner. We used to do a weekly check in but each night we’d quickly over dinner or in bed say three words to describe our day. I found this helpful as we both then knew how we were feeling even if we didn’t have much time to talk like on a work day.

We’ve been extremely lucky and our second round of ICSI worked. We had a big break between our rounds as we saw a specialist and my husband had an operation to look for more sperm. Interestingly this failed and we were told to go to donor which we did but then on our second attempt with clinic the embryologist worked extremely hard and managed to find 4 sperm. One of them turned into our daughter. She’s now 4 months. We were told it would never happen but it has so keep some hope. Try not to put pressure on yourself to move forward until you’re ready. One other thing I found helpful was timing my second round with time off work as I feel it lowered my stress. Best of luck to you both. Xx

[cp92 in reply to Rainbow_89]

Thank you for taking the time to share your story and your tips, it’s so nice to hear from others who genuinely get it. I’m so so glad to hear it has worked for you and gives me a real boost / hope xxx

[minnesota_girl]

Hi CP, it's so hard to have a cycle that fails - and hard when those cycles are short due to lack of frozen embryos or any embryos at all. My first two cycles had nothing survive past day 3 - and I remember feeling totally broken because I'd never really thought of that as an option - and all of us HOPE that we'll be part of the lucky bunch for whom IVF/ICSI works the first time. But it doesn't for many of us, a large percentage in fact.

In terms of hope, i've had a nearly 5 year journey so far - I judge it by the age of my niece, who is turning 4 in Nov and marks the due date of my first natural pregnancy which I sadly lost at 11 1/2 weeks and started my path down IVF (5 rounds total), poor egg quality, lower egg reserve, recurrent miscarriage, immunology issues etc etc.

I never thought in a million years that I would ever be looking potentially at the end of that journey. I always felt like the one who was sitting reading everyone finally having success - while I kept having rounds fail.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant today with a very vibrant kicking little girl. Hope does exist - sometimes we have to change our parameters of what we're willing to do to keep it alive (e.g for me I changed to donor eggs) - but while the first round is a bit of a shock, you will learn more about you and what you need - use this forum to gain advice and ask questions, and continue to advocate for yourself. And give yourself space if you do have cycles that fail - to look after yourself and create whatever space you need to decide what you want to do next.

💗

[cp92 in reply to minnesota_girl]

Thank you ❤️ Space is important, you are so right. Hope your last trimester is going well ☺️ x

[Blessed5510]

just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear that it didn’t work. Unfortunately the average, it takes more than 1 time. We are on number 5, 2 failed and 2 miscarriages. We are going to do more testing this time and pray for the best!

I wish you the best on your next round! Now you have 1 cycle under your belt the doctors should be able to create a better protocol for you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Wishing you the very best!!

[cp92 in reply to Blessed5510]

It’s all about advocating for yourself isn’t it! I wish you the best with your next round too 💪🏻🙏🏻🤞🏻

[EMZ2023]

Sorry to hear this, I understand how you feel. My advice would be to get as many tests done before you go into another round. Take care of your gut health and take good supplements. We have a daughter through ICSI and had failed transfers. There were loads of tests that we didn't do inbetween and looking back knowledge is key. Things like Vitamin D level, thyroid etc. In comparison to what you pay for IVF privately and for what you put your body through I think it is worth getting things that can impact fertility checked out. I found out I had endometriosis and underactive thyroid, and I didn't have symptoms for either. For me going into a collection/FET knowing we had checked out as much as we could helped. It also helped me feel like I was working towards the next round. Good luck x

[cp92 in reply to EMZ2023]

Thank you for taking the time to comment and to provide what worked for you! It feels like a full time job but will definitely look into other tests! I feel like my progesterone levels need extra help but have a debrief in a few weeks so will see and go from there xx