I am new here and this is my first time writing on a forum. Myself and my partner have been referred for ICSI due to extremely low sperm count.
We are both struggling with this realisation and I had expected we would be offered some treatment prior to ICSI but due to the severity of my partners condition this sadly isn’t the case.
This news is very recent having only found out this week and I guess I am just feeling very overwhelmed and in panic about the situation. I like to be in control of things and obviously this is something completely out of our hands.
I am just wondering if there is any words of wisdom or tips to what has helped you manage? I am finding it difficult to control my emotions around my partner which is only making him feel worse. I don’t have any friends or family who have been through a similar situation so I am feeling a bit lost.
Thank you in advance x
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Summeringreece
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Hi, I had IVF as my husband had low count and low quality. The shock of finding out was hard, you need to give yourself a bit of time to process. I read a lot - and we ended up seeing a urologist before we started IVF. I have an 18 month old son now, but the pain of being told we would conceive naturally still stings. I remember vividly how it felt. I was devastated and I felt my partner’s hurt too. We dealt with it differently but I think IVF brought us closer together. When you have to consider something like IVF you have to work out quickly what’s important to you, and to your marriage. IVF is so focused on women, I felt angry my husband wasn’t offered any support or answers. We saw a urologist which really helped - just knowing we weren’t the only ones and why my husband might be infertile helped us move forward. You have feelings too, just try to remind your partner there’s no blame here. Give yourself some time, you will get there, together. x
Thank you for your reply. We also haven’t been given any answers regarding what’s caused the issue other than it’s ‘Testicular failure’ . My partner is very healthy and has never smoked, hardly drinks and is a healthy weight within his BMI. We are going to look into an ultrasound and then based on that get in touch with a Urologist if that’s what is suggest from the scan.
Devastated is definitely how we are feeling right now. I just keep waking up and not believing this is really happening to us.
I am glad things worked out well for you it gives us all some hope x
Hi there, welcome 🤗 I think any recommendation towards IVF is a lot to process, it's never an easy thing. It's amazing what our brains and hearts can process and overcome, however, when we give them the space to.
In terms of various treatments, my view is ICSI isn't anything to feel is harder or worse over ivf. It's good that your doctor is referring you directly to what they feel is your best chance. I moved to ICSI after a couple of rounds of IVF just to increase my odds. I found it oddly reassuring that I had the extra belts and braces in terms of protocol.
You may also find that you feel a bit more in control as you find out more about your plan and timings. It's completely natural for everything to feel out of control and up in the air right now. 💕💕
This forum is a good place to ask questions as you go along xx
Hi! We were referred to ICSI too due to male factor - low morphology. It isso hard to deal with infertility issues emotionally, make sure you are there for your partner and help him express how he feels. After the initial processing of the information, we turned into positive action - male supplements (our clinic recommended Proxeed), baggy underwear etc. For what it's worth, ICSI gave us a really good fertilisation rate of 75% and I am currently pregnant with embie no 2. Very best of luck, I hope it works well for you too!
Thank you, my partner has just started the Proxeed too. Did your partner take any other vitamins or just proxeed? Mine is currently on a concoction of zinc, Vitamin c, coq10 and wellman tablets. I asked the consultant about whether they were all needed and he seems to think there wouldn’t be any harm but then equally didn’t ask what he was taking which I didn’t find very reassuring. Thanks for your sharing your experience.
He did take CoQ10 in the form of Ubiquinol in addition to the Proxeed, yes. Also, if you haven't done so already, I recommend reading 'It all starts with the egg'. There is some very helpful advice on dietary and lifestyle changes, as well as on supplements. Very best of luck
Hello. Good treatment my husband used proxeed because he had some abnormal sperm cells, but we did also the test called Sperm DNA fragmentation and if this is high then IVF center can use the TESE technigue to get best quality sperm before ICSI. Good luck!!!!
We were in the same boat although they did find a few things of my side that could have affected things, but referred us ultimately due to male factor - low count
For us, so much attention was put on my weight and lifestyle (I had BMI of 30, so had to loose weight to qualify) but no mention on him. We both took the pregnacare and Wellman "trying to convince" tabs for a year during all the testing and he lost a lot of weight too towards the end.
We started our long protocol injections and by some miracle - after 2 years TTC and 3/4 months after his weight loss - we fell pregnant naturally just before we started the 2nd phase of injections. Sperm regenerates every 3 months, so if weight or lifestyle could be affecting him I would encourage you to push him to do something as I am sure that's what helped us.
What you mustn't do is be angry/annoyed/frustrated with him - he will already be so disappointed that the issue is in his side and men notoriously don't talk about their feelings. Support each other and do everything you can together to both be of peak health and fitness as you want to have the best chance
I am sorry to hear this. We also had male fertility issues and we were offered ICSI, my partners count was also very low and he had a surgical sperm retrieval prior to us starting ICSI.
I understand how you feel, I was also very emotional and of course upset by the news. My partner would often get upset and would apologise. I always use to say that their was no blame and we would get through it together.
We had 2 rounds of ICSI, our first round we only had one embryo but that little embryo is now our 3 year old daughter and we recently had another round of ICSI and now have a 5 month old son.
I hope you’re as lucky as we are. Your journey is just beginning 💖
Thank you. They are currently able to find a few sperm cells without surgery but due to the extremely low numbers I am worried how successful ICSI is going to be.
My partner is also apologising and have reassured him it’s not his fault but I think he is still in denial about the whole thing.
I didn’t realise anything could hurt this much!
Also keeping everything crossed for an outcome like yours! X
I have gone through ICSI 3 Times and honestly getting that diagnosis is the best thing because now you can move forward. Try to think of it as a positive. The consultant said if my partner wanted to take vitamins etc then we can but he was sceptical about the about of difference it would make so we didn't bother. We now have a 4 year old and I'm 32 Weeks pregnant. Please do DM me if you want to ask anything.
We had ICSI too due to male factor infertility. It was so hard to hear, and my husband was inconsolable for a time as it made him feel emasculated. He even suggested we split up as he thought he wouldn’t be able to give me kids. As someone pointed out, there’s so much support for women when it comes to fertility and little for men. I just had to try and convince him that if it wasn’t common, there wouldn’t be so many clinics throughout the world and there wouldn’t be a treatment for this. We remained positive and started treatment last October when I was 40 going on 41. I took the nasal spray - Synarel to start and then Gonal F. They collected 11 eggs, 9 of which fertilised, and come day 5 we had 3 remaining with 2 amazing blastocysts ready to go in. One of those became our very beautiful and perfect baby girl who is now 7 weeks old. We are so so lucky as this was our first (possibly only) round of IVF, and we’ve been blessed with the greatest gift ever.
Easier said than done but please stay positive, ICSI is a wonderful thing. Keep the faith. You have hope here, whereas many unfortunate people don’t even have this option. Everything crossed for you x x
Hi there! I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling, but I do think it's very normal to feel this way, so please don't beat yourself up about it. I'll try not to repeat what all of the lovely ladies above have said, which is all very helpful, just wanted to add some extra thoughts that helped us!
We found out earlier this year we would need ICSI. They said "unexplained infertility, possible male factor" because my partner has low morphology and borderline motility. We're both late 30s, healthy BMI, non-smokers, moderate drinkers, eat a plant-based diet. So it was all a bit of a shock. And as someone who likes to plan plan plan, this was NOT the plan!
I went mental to start with and research the shit out of everything. I must have spent DAYS on the internet, looking at everything from forums, to clinics, to medical journals, watching documentaries - I went nuts. Though I was being a bit of a crazy person, I think it ultimately helped, because I managed to get a much better understanding of the whole process, which actually calmed me down.
Eventually, what really helped was that I managed to reframe the whole situation, and moved from thinking that this was OUT of my control to actually this now being something IN my control . . .
So when we were TTC naturally, we were doing all the usual, but it was actually quite exhausting, and ultimately I totally wasn't in control, because we were never going to conceive that way.
But by starting the ICSI process I suddenly had a plan. There was a schedule, and scans, and a medication timetable (although the dates were a little unpredictable). I actually felt like I could stop worrying and that now things were more in control. Like we had taken control of our fertility issue and now we could crack on and get things sorted.
I hope this makes sense? It just really helped me to "claim back control" and think of it all this way. Then the process has actually been not as stressful as I imagined.
Happy for you to DM me if there's anything I can help with! And best of luck xx
(We're actually mid-process; I developed OHSS after egg collection in July, but we thankfully created some frozen embryos, and we're planning for a September transfer!)
We also were referred for ICSI due to my partner's low count and poor mobility. I made sure he knew there was no blame on him - we are a team and he wouldn't have chosen this.Our approach was not to think too far ahead as it was overwhelming, and to consider it all a medical procedure. Perhaps it might help if you consider this a potential cure for a medical problem. It may help frame it in more positive terms for you. Then, just take one step at a time. ICSI gives you the best possible chance of conceiving so try to stay hopeful x
Hello lovely, Just to let you know there are others beside you in this and you will be okay. My husband was diagnosed with azoospermia (zero sperm!) last year and it was a huge shock.
We had no idea what we would be facing and I really struggled with the lack of control. It's a long rocky road, which we are still traveling on, but in time ICSI and all the processes involved will begin to feel familiar. Not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed it's completely normal.
Here if you need. Take care and focus on what you hope for. For me, doing everything I could to optimize our health and lifestyle helped me feel more in control. I already had a very healthy lifestyle pre ICSI but nevertheless it helped.
Look after each other and try to focus on the hope - these are my words for you xxx
Thank you for your reply. We were very shocked to hear my partners numbers. Can I ask are you using a donor for your ICSI? as this is something we may need to look into. We have been trying to eat healthier for the last few months but can definitely improve this and try and relinquish some of our work stresses.
We are due to go on holiday on Wednesday and the stress from the last week has made me feel anxious and stressed to the point I don’t want to go ( which is very unlike me! ) I am hoping the time away stress free may help if I can get myself on the plane!Xxx
Hi, A holiday will do you good I'm sure but I know how hard it is to enjoy things at the moment.
Fortunately, they managed to surgically retrieve sperm from my husband's testes. They couldn't freeze this so we have to have simultaneous egg collection and sperm retrieval, which is a bit of an ordeal Sorry I can't help you with donor sperm but I'm sure your clinic will help if needed in due course. One step at a time - I know the feeling of wanting certainty so I hope you get some help with this soon.
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Male infertility
male factor investigations
Infertility - IVF/ICSI/Sperm Donor advice needed. 
Mate factor infertility 
2% normal form for ICSI
