Single and Pregnant at 40

[Willowmina]

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. I conceived via danish sperm donation.

Feeling quite isolated. Would be great to connect with other women on the same journey

[km307]

Congratulations! Fellow solo mum here. Not sure where you’re based but there are a couple of great solo mum Facebook groups that you might want to join. There’s also a lot of support through the donor conception network.

[Willowmina in reply to km307]

oooh. Thank you. I shall look at the Donor Conception Network. It would be so nice to feel less isolated. ☺️

[Willowmina in reply to km307]

Have yoy had your baby yet? Also.. did you go down the dobor route?x

[km307 in reply to Willowmina]

I have a daughter from my first cycle of IVF using donor sperm. I also used a Danish donor from Cryos. I’m now trying for a sibling, my first frozen transfer resulted in an early miscarriage and due to start another fresh cycle shortly. I’m almost 43 now, so aware the odds of success are very low.

[Willowmina in reply to km307]

Congratulations on having a beautiful baby girl! You are brave. So a fresh cycle would be.. new egg collection and then embryo transfer soon after?

I think the IVF stats are questionable. Donor sperm is very high quality so your odds should be good!

[Willowmina]

Also.. vit D, Folic Acid and CQ10 are great for egg quality

[km307 in reply to Willowmina]

Thanks, I’m on those, plus lots of others! I got 6 embryos in my last cycle, have transferred 5 in three transfers - two miscarriages and one daughter, and they think it’s all down to egg quality and chromosomal issues. So not so hopeful 2.5 years later…

[Willowmina in reply to km307]

Are you using the same donor that you used for your daughter?

Also, there are some kind and normal men in the community who are happy to donate sperm on a benevolent basis (Coparents.com). You can do that if you are on an IVF break and it is usually free. You just have to find a donor who is nice and normal. There are a few.

I did it a few times and it was ok. It can take pressure off. Not for everyone though!

There is always hope. 45 is when things get a lot harder but before then.. I think there is a good chancex

[km307 in reply to Willowmina]

Yes, using the same donor. I’d rather not use a known donor for legal reasons, so if this doesn’t work, I’ll stop. I feel very lucky to have my daughter already

[Willowmina in reply to km307]

I think that all sounds very wise. You have a beautiful daughter already and that is what matters!

[Willowmina in reply to Willowmina]

I also totally get why you would decide to stop. IVF is stupidly hard on so many levels. I am here if you want support or want to chatx

[Twiglet2]

healthunlocked.com/fertilit...

[Bungleboo]

I have a lovely 3 year old daughter conceived via donor sperm from Denmark. I’m involved with a few mums in a similar situation locally and could be part of a really big community if I wanted to (Scotland based).

There’s a big community on Facebook, so hopefully you shouldn’t feel isolated.

I was really anxious and worried when I was pregnant as it’s so daunting but I don’t feel like that any more. I confess I found the newborn stage difficult, mainly due to sleep deprivation and lockdown, but I have absolutely no regrets

I also had my daughter at 39 x

[Willowmina in reply to Bungleboo]

Oh wow! How wonderful. Well done you! It’s great to link up and reassuring to hear that you felt similar during pregnancy. For me, it is the unusual donor element, being single and all the ivf drugs make it feel really hard but being able to talk to others is so helpful.

Can I ask what has helped you most on this journey?

[Bungleboo in reply to Willowmina]

I think it’s funny how thoughts and feelings automatically change when the baby arrives. I used to worry slightly about what people would think and say about my choices and now I really don’t.

It’s definitely helpful to have support, especially in the early days. My daughter is very close to my mum and best friend, who have been in her life from the beginning. She didn’t sleep well at all at the start and I was exhausted, so they helped a lot, which I was grateful for. Also helpful to have fellow solo mums in your life, who understand your position more than anyone else can.

It’s definitely been my biggest challenge, but also rewarding too.

Hope you find the facebook groups useful!

[Willowmina in reply to Bungleboo]

It’s so wonderful that you find being a mum rewarding and that you have no regrets. I do hear that the newborn phase can be super hard. Luckily I have lots of support!!

Are you planning on having any more? Also, do you think about the donor much or not really?xx

[Bungleboo in reply to Willowmina]

I am not planning on having any more. I didn’t go in to this planning for my daughter to be an only child but in all the circumstances- my age, finances, anxieties about ability to cope etc, I’ve decided not to try for a sibling.

I think about him from time to time and mention the nice man who helped mummy have a baby, but it’s not a major thing for me.

My daughter has 4 donor siblings that we know of, one who lives half an hour away. I have to confess I’m not sure how I really feel about that. It’s my daughters decision as to whether she wants to have a relationship with her, but she’s obviously too little to make the decision. The other mum is keen on meeting up and I can’t decide on the right thing to do by my daughter….

[Willowmina in reply to Bungleboo]

Wow! 4. How did you find that out when she is so young? I would like to find that out.

I totally ge t your decision to stick to one! That is also a great idea. One and done!

You are bravexx

[Willowmina in reply to Bungleboo]

I have just requested to join the Facebook group.

[MillieF78]

Come join us at m.facebook.com/groups/47350.... Our solo mums group is super active and friendly and from within it there are regional WhatsApp groups and also groups for women having babies at a similar time to each other. I am due in a few weeks and the main FB group and the WhatsApp groups have been invaluable to me. I now have a handful of local friends who are also solo mums or due similar time to me. There are tons of us out there! Good luck x

[Happy2022]

Hi there,

I would definitely recommend joining the donor conception network. I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant conceived via double donation and joined the DCN network about 2 months ago and it’s been great. There are WhatsApp groups for each situation so there are solo mum what’s app groups for those expecting babies around the same time, ones for solo mums via double donation, solo mums for different areas etc and these what’s app groups are great for feeling like you have a network to connect with. They also hold monthly zoom meetings that you can join and talk to others in the same position which I’ve done and these are also really helpful xx

[Willowmina in reply to Happy2022]

Ah ok. Watsapp sounds great! Congratulations on your pregnancy. How exciting. Well done! Not long to go. It will all be worth it😊

[Willowmina in reply to Happy2022]

Congratulations and thanks so much for the reply! You will be an amazing mum, I can tellx

[rainbowbaby8320]

hey Willowmina

I’m a single mum too x congratulations on your pregnancy! Xx

[Willowmina in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

Hello! Thanks for the reply. Well done on being a single mum! How old is your baby?x

[rainbowbaby8320 in reply to Willowmina]

he’s actually 3 now… I’ve been trying to have another one for two years but no success… just tested negative again on my 5th embryo transfer… think I might give up now - I’ve spent thousands and it’s exhausting! I just wanted him to have a sibling 🙁

Where are you based? X

[Willowmina in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

I’m sorry to hear that😔. I know that feeling very well! Would you consider other donors or options? I am in Cardiffx

[rainbowbaby8320]

really! it took you a while then? It's not the donor that's the issue? I have a supply of my son's daddy's sperm... six months ago I did a good cycle- ended up with a pgta screened embryo (i'm 41.5 years now)... they put it into me and it didnt make me pregnant again (got through three B grade ones before that). They now think i have an auto immune disease for which they can give me some drugs - but I did another cycle to get another embryo and it was awful? six eggs collected - only one fertilised. The first cycle earlier in the year was 8 eggs collected, 5 fertilised from the same donor? i changed my diet slightly thinking I was making improvements but I wonder if I made things worse! I was eating more animal meat/protein before and this time I was eating more oily fish and healthy fats - and less chicken/beef etc. I was eating more vegetarian meals this time... i've also been drinking decaf coffee but on previous cycle i was having green tea? I'm not sure if these things made a difference! I just find it astonishing that my fertility seems to have changed so much in six months? perhaps it was just an unlucky cycle? i'm not sure what to do now...

I'm in Bury St Edmunds x

[Willowmina in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

41.5 years is still young. You are still producing a good amount of follicles too. That counts aswell as AMH. I have had negative pregnancy tests from previous relationships which I found crushing and also miscarriages. It is so hard, I understand. IVF worked first time and my hunch is that the donor has super strong sperm. It is just my intuition. He has previous reported pregnancies too.

I know there are lots of men who want to donate sperm and some are normal and nice. I have met them. Would you consider that route? A kind man who would donate in the UK? I tried it but I didn’t get pregnant so went for ivf due to nearly being 40.

Have you tried the right supplements? Vit d, folic acid, CQ10?

I think you are still young enough to have lots of hope.. regardless of what you choose to dox

[rainbowbaby8320 in reply to Willowmina]

Hi Willowmina

I wouldn't go down a non official donor route personally - I just don't want to meet the donor if he won't be involved etc and I don't want the chance of someone interfering when I haven't agreed to co parent...Also I really want my son to have a full sibling and I have enough sperm for that - so I will keep trying through IVF for now...

I got a BFN on this cycle

I'm sorry you have had a hard time up to now - at least you got your rainbow

[rainbowbaby8320 in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

I'm taking those supplements... I did change to full fat dairy and I think it had a catastrophic impact on the egg maturity! I read full fat is better somewhere because the process of extracting the fat is not good - but it seems the fat being present is worse for the eggs - i'm going to switch back to what I was eating before my cycle in January and see if that helps... I don't think I want to give up yet

[Willowmina in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

Absolutely! There is so much hope. You have to trust your gut and your body and go with that. It’s the small things that make so much difference! You have had one.. your body can get you pregnant again! 🙏

[Missfh]

These are lots of us! When I joined the Solo mums by choice Facebook group (linked above) someone had posted saying she was starting a WhatsApp group for those with a similar due date (Spring 23) - this grew to 50+ mums nationwide with another offshoot group of those who were more local. A group of us met regularly throughout pregnancy and beyond and it's been so lovely. Browse the posts and check if anyone has started a group yet for your dates and if not then I definitely recommend starting one yourself.

Good luck! X

[Willowmina in reply to Missfh]

Thanks for your reply! Do you mean via the Donor Conception Network?x

[Missfh]

No it's this Facebook group - facebook.com/groups/4735063...

DCN also has WhatsApp groups but the one created by another expectant mum on the Facebook group was the most active and sociable for me - I think because we were all discussing pregnancy things relevant to the stage we were at.

Highly recommend starting a WhatsApp group for those with a due date +/- a month or so of when you are due if there isn't already one you can join! X

[Willowmina in reply to Missfh]

Thanks so much for your supprt and advice. I shall doxx

[Yuuupsongbook002]

You can connect with me and your not alone. I asked the man I lost my virginity to if he could get me pregnant, and he's always saying no for different reasons. And I'm not ready financially anyways , but if he keeps saying no I'm planning on going to an Endocrinologist or a fertility specialist to give me his sperm. And he doesn't come around which is why sometimes I think I have separation anxiety.

[Willowmina]

Hello! Ah ok, so you are thinking of getting pregnant via donation? Why do you feel ypu have separation anxiety?x