Frustration and anger

[Archaeologist27]

Hi all,

Some of you may remember my wife and I were waiting on news of our referral to a fertility clinic...well we just got the phone call from our GP and its not good.

The referral has been rejected on the basis that my wife's BMI is higher than their threshold allows. This is the first time we or our GP had heard of this threshold. My wife is not fat, she weighs 16 stone and is 5ft 2. We are both relatively active and eat relatively healthy yet the NHS has told us she would need to be 12 stone in order to have our referral accepted. I'm furious and frustrated and heartbroken.

My wife has had struggles with her mental and physical health for years, I'm worried this news is going to undo all the hard work she has put in.

We are at a loss as to what to do next. The GP is referring her to weight loss help, probably group sessions but my wife is already struggling with the idea. She hasn't been 12 stone since before we met over nearly 12 years ago.

BMI is so flawed and has been for decades how it can be used as a roadblock to fertility help is beyond me, especially when people we know who are much larger than my wife, have done drugs, smoked etc. Have had no trouble getting pregnant.

This isn't really a question, more of a venting of my frustration but if anyone has gone through this in their journey I'd be all ears.

Thank you

[Kittykat198]

I’m really sorry you have fallen fowl of the bmi rules too. It is a gate keeping exercise in my opinion and not fair.

Have you had investigations already? Or are you at the start of your treatment? I had investigations while losing weight before so they might still do those in the meanwhile?

I had my treatment privately because my bmi was over 30 and I was fast approaching the cut off age of 39 when we started treatment and wouldn’t have qualified with the wait in our area. Bmi limits for private treatments are higher generally and I think our clinics is 35 although I don’t know what that is in stone? I’ve seen lots of posts from people who went abroad for treatment as it’s cheaper if that’s an option for you.

If your wife is struggling with weight loss, has your wife had her thyroid checked? I was told mine was fine by gp but clinic said it was high and put me on levothyroxine. I found it so much easier to lose weight when my thyroid is a normal level. Thyroid issues can also interfere with fertility.

I think lots of us completely get how humiliating and unfair it is to jump through hoops to qualify for treatment (I had to lose weight a few years ago for clomid). So while I don’t have a magic answer for you, she really isn’t alone.

[Boo718]

I’m so sorry to read this. We were in exactly the same position. I was 15st 10 at 5 ft and they said I had to get to 11 stone. It was an absolute nightmare. I haven’t been 11 stone since I was about 10 years old 🤦‍♀️

I worked sooo hard and got to just above 11 but they wouldn’t take me I just couldn’t get the last few pounds off. We ended up going private. It’s been expensive but honestly weight has never been an issue with them. The bmi is a load of rubbish. I hope your ok xxx

[Rainbowretrieval]

I know you won’t want to hear this at this stage, but, I know a lady who was in your position. Did try to diet (as she was genuinely overweight) but it wasn’t for her and she gave up quite early on the ivf dream. She went on to adopt the most lovely little boy and I truly believe it was fate, they do seem to have such an amazing bond and life as a family. Good luck with whatever is written in the stars for you x

[HedgehogMad]

It's so hard to be told this and it does feel so unfair as you say when there are other people who are able to get pregnant, why should that be a barrier. And the thresholds seem to vary depending on where you live. Access to fertility treatment is so unfair and really a postcode lottery.It is known though that women with a high BMI who aren't ovulating often start ovulating again when they lose weight, so it may be that if she is able to have some help losing a little weight (not too quickly or dramatically though as this can cause problems) she might start ovulating again and you may not need fertility treatment 🤞 wishing you both all the best

[StarsAllAround]

I know how frustrating it can be to get NHS funding. We were advised to go down the IVF route after I had an ectopic resulting in my right fallopian tube being removed and being diagnosed with endometriosis our GP told us the requirements for funding in our area which included my BMI being under 29 which it was not. So while I lost the weight (3 stone never been as light as that in my life) we had all the other fertility tests done and when I was below 29 BMI our application was sent to the CCG but was rejected it had been 16 months since my ectopic they decided as I had been pregnant once before that we would have to wait another year before applying again despite the fact I now only had one tube and a known condition that affects your fertility. If I had never been pregnant and hadn't had a diagnosis of endometriosis our application would of been accepted as we had been trying for more than 4 years at this point. It felt like we were being punished for the ectopic, our GP wrote then a personal letter as she was not happy with there decision but it made no difference. You can find out the full criteria for funding in your area by googling your CCG. We ended up going private which I know is not an option for everyone, our clinics BMI cut off is 31 but if you are a little over they don't mind its more of a recommendation if your paying. If haven't already done so then maybe do some research into what lifestyle changes you could both do that may help fertility and vitamins that could help both of you which may help you feel a little more in control of your situation. Hugs to both of you x

[ForABabyPanda]

okay that’s so annoying, here in NI you do you have to be under 30 BMI to actually get treatment, but your referral would not be rejected on those grounds. You would be referred, and you would have initial appointments with the fertility clinic, and you would be informed about the BMI limit, but as the weight for IVF is at least a year here you could be losing the weight while on the waiting list.