Gave up - looking for support

[Fuzziwuzzi66]

Hello! Frist time I write and I hope you can understand the pain of unexpected unfrotility. When I was young, I never thought it would be an issue and always pictured myself having a baby in the 30ies. I am 40 now. And no baby. I am stuggling with feelings of guilt -I should have tried earlier, I should have lived my life differently; I am feeling disappointed with my husband; I am feeling resentful; dreadful about my friends and familiy falling pregnant; I am afraid about my future and getting old and lonely.

It is hard to find people who are willing to talk about it in detail and fully understand.

Do you feel the same?

Thank you

Xx

[Ganges]

It’s so difficult. I’m 40 now, going through ivf again. Like you wishing I’d tried earlier etc. I feel the same worries about getting older too. However you can’t change the past. Most couples are leaving it later in life and that’s why more issues are being shown I guess. You’re not alone x

[Fuzziwuzzi66 in reply to Ganges]

Thank you x, really appreciate.

Good luck with your ivf!!

[Livinginhope101]

Hiya. I can relate on some level. However, as I didn't meet my husband until I was 37 I couldn't have started trying for a family any earlier than we did so I don't have guilt, I was just sad for myself that we hadn't met earlier. We married when I was 38, (almost 39) and started trying straight away, but it didn't happen. We started investigations and found my husband had an infection and poor sperm and I had low AMH. We were 41 when we started ivf. We had a failed cycle with my own eggs then started with donor eggs. I had my daughter at 44 and my twins at 48. If you are willing to use donor eggs, you can still have a family but I understand that's not for everyone.We looked into adoption and even had a meeting with an agency, but our jobs are quite stressful and I knew we wouldn't have the emotional capacity for a child with likely issues that had resulted in their adoption so we closed that door.

It was thoughts of the future and what I wanted mine to look like that spurred me on to use donor eggs. I just couldn't imagine my life without children in it. I also realise we are very lucky that this was an option because years ago, I wouldn't have had the same choices available.

[Fuzziwuzzi66 in reply to Livinginhope101]

Wow, love the story and how you guys didn't give up for years. I did 3 rounds of ivf and felt that it had wrecked my body. How many rounds did you need with donor eggs and was the medication to suppress your immune system strong?

Thank you xx

[Livinginhope101 in reply to Fuzziwuzzi66]

Aw, thanks. My husband would have been happy with just our first child but I wanted to give her a sibling... So we went again and ended up with twins! A double blessing.We had 4 donor rounds in total. The first was a total disaster. It was not a good clinic and I was so frustrated we wasted our money and, more importantly, our time with them.

We then found a better clinic and had 1 round to get our daughter, then a further 2 rounds for our twins.

I was on steroids (prednisone tablets) for the rounds and to be honest, didn't have any side effects. Maybe I was lucky.

[JCM7]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way and it is fully understandable. I am about to turn 44 this month and have struggled infertility for 10 years. We are now on a journey with donor eggs and doing a transfer at the end of this month. All your feelings are valid and I have felt them all myself. I think it is important to go through the motions, sit in your feeling for a bit, understand them. It is extremely hard but I think it is part of the healing journey. Sending you a big hug and you are welcome to dm me if you ever need a chat xx

[Fuzziwuzzi66 in reply to JCM7]

Thank you, good luck with donor eggs!! Hope it works out for you this time! Xx

[Sunshine809]

I feel exactly the same. You're definitely not alone. The thing I find hardest is that no one I know has experienced this. My one friend who did struggle to fall pregnant got there in the end, and then got pregnant with her second child easily with no issues. My cousin also had ivf but it worked first time and then she again conceived her second child with no problems. I'm the only person I know who hasn't been able to have children. That's really hard to take and I go through phases of blaming myself, or my husband, or both of us. I feel like a failure, not being able to do something which everybody else seems to find so easy.

We have now decided to try donor eggs. I've been through 4 egg collections and I just don't think my body and mind can take it again knowing that the chances of success are so small. It's been a very difficult year but now that we have a new plan I feel a bit excited again and have some hope.

I really hope that things work out for you. If you ever want to talk just send me a message. Take care xx

[Fuzziwuzzi66 in reply to Sunshine809]

Thanks so much xx

I felt the same after 3 failed rounds of ivf b2b. The egg collections are terrible and the 2 weeks heavily medicated wait was very stressful for me as well. And everything felt so commercial. We haven't yet considered donor eggs, not sure if I can do this again...

[Sunshine809 in reply to Fuzziwuzzi66]

I'm kind of dreading it too, especially as we're thinking of going abroad which will add more stress, but imagining us with a baby at the end of it makes me want to try. Like you, I always pictured myself with children and never ever imagined I wouldn't have them, so I don't want to give up yet. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. It's taken me a few months to get to this point, so making the decision definitely takes time xx

[Fuzziwuzzi66]

Thank you and good luck !! You got this!!

[alockie]

Hello there! I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with unexpected infertility. It's completely understandable to feel a wide range of emotions in this situation. It's important to try and let go of any feelings of guilt or regret. It's not productive to dwell on what you could have done differently in the past. Instead, focus on the present and what you can do moving forward. Take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, and know that there is always hope for the future. Sending positive vibes x