Teaching and IVF

[Stella__]

Hi ladies, I’m a secondary school teacher and unfortunately had a BFN last week. I had a freeze all first cycle so the whole process has taken 3 months from start to finish. I have found it incredibly hard physically and mentally. I took the day off work when I found out it hadn’t worked. I went back Thursday and Friday. I’m so tired emotionally and I find doing full intense days and putting on a brave face in front of the kids exhausting. Also, my anxiety levels have never been so high and I’m constantly worrying I’ve missed something important.

If you’re a teacher and have gone through it or are going through it, do you have any tips of advice?

Thank you very much!

[Millak]

Hi,

I am very sorry about your BFN, I know how it feels. 😭😭😭 I’m Sen secondary teacher myself and being in the classroom has always helped to take my mind off things . However lately because of all the drugs and the 2ww I have been finding it hard to focus.

I don’t really know the right answer but I try to go easy on myself if I feel I cannot manage. Maybe take a few days off, most importantly you have to put yourself first. The good thing is, the Easter break is coming up!

Take care

[Kennyjen]

Hi Sanguita,

Sorry to hear how you’re feeling - nothing can really prepare us for how difficult this is. I posted on here a little while ago with a similar problem. The advice from those on here was really what I needed to hear and overall, the majority of those responding encouraged taking time off and if possible (it wasn’t for everyone) talk to your Head Teacher. Although they were few, some teachers did like the distraction of work and worked throughout.

I’m a primary school teacher and decided to take time off for my first FET after fresh cycle failed last autumn. After going through this once, I found there really isn’t anyway (for me personally) to balance the challenges of the job with the appointments and the emotionally draining nature of treatment.

As I started preparing myself for FET, the anxieties started creeping in. I spoke with my local union rep for advice on taking sick leave for stress - a combination of work related and IVF related stress. He was supportive of anyone, no matter what circumstances, taking time off for their mental health. The worry of course then is about job security. Again, the union rep was great at reassuring me that this is not something to worry about.

I then contacted the GP to let them know how I was as I have a history of illness anxiety. Although I didn’t speak with anyone, they did respond letting me know they could help and I would just need to make a proper appointment.

Afterwards I spoke with my husband and we decided that as he was about to get a backdated pay rise, I could take a few weeks unpaid leave. Should we have to go though this again which is highly likely, I will contact my GP and discuss a sick note for work and IVF related stress. We can’t afford more unpaid leave for me.

My head knew I was having IVF as I was honest about this from the start and was happy to approve my unpaid leave. Perhaps there would be less support had I taken sick leave, but as the union rep said, there is no point in me worrying about that.

My advice is that you MUST make sure you’re okay and if you need sick leave, then you must take it. If you feel you can trust your head with how you’re feeling (tbh I didn’t share my mental health concerns with mine as I don’t trust her, she has a history of being judgemental about mental health), then talk to them. Make sure you talk to your partner about all options for time off if this is the route that’s best for you, talk to your GP and if you find them helpful, talk to your union for more practical advice. I’m an NHS patient and unfortunately I’ve found the mental health side of care to be quite poor, but if you’re clinic is better, they may be able to offer some counselling to help you through.

You’re welcome to contact me if you want any more advice. I’m by no means an expert, but happy to help!