Teaching and IVF Dilemma

[Alwaysbelieving]

A really amazing job has came up (one that doesn’t come up often at all) and I REALLY want to apply for it but will be having a frozen transfer quite soon (just waiting for my period to arrive). There’s a chance I could get the job but fall pregnant before I even start and another chance that I may well not conceive for years to come. Work at the moment isn’t making me as happy as it used to and isn’t the nicest place to be but I’m also not desperate to get out. Having a baby is obviously way more important than my job but I also don’t want to put my life on hold either. Any advice?

[MissSaoPaulo]

You have to at least apply. I think it would increase your chances of pregnancy in a Murphy's Law kind of way... just when you finally get that dream job you fall pregnant and it complicates things!!! Who knows what will happen, but you won't know if you don't apply. Good luck with both xxx

[McQueeny]

I would say go for it. I changed jobs while TTC , as you say, never know how long it would take - I finally got pregnant when I’d been there for four months.... went on maternity leave almost exactly a year after joining The only potential thing to consider is that if you’re already pregnant when you start, you might be entitled to less maternity pay (you’d always get the statutory minimum, but most maternity pay packages are linked to having been at the company for 26 weeks by the time you hit 15 weeks pre birth , which effectively works out as you need to not be pregnant when you start) xx

[Zebedee1971]

I left my teaching job in May 2019 ready for July ivf. I got pregnant in September 2020. That's a year between expecting to be pregnant and actually being pregnant. I'd go for the job. Carry on with life as normal x

[Maui2020]

Hey! I’m in a similar position, I’m starting somewhere new close to the day I take a pregnancy test as I’m in the middle of an FET. We’ve been doing frozen transfers for over a year now I figure I can’t put my life on hold anymore, or i know it will end up affecting my mental health.

You could potentially work through your pregnancy 🤞🏽🤞🏽 and have somewhere you’re happy to return to after maternity 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽Xx

[Ariel24]

Morning - I’d say go for it as long as like someone else has said, you’ve factored in perhaps only being able to claim statutory maternity pay. Over the last 5 years I’ve not gone for job opportunities because of ttc and I’ve regretted it!

[Rcs11]

Go for the job. Don’t put your life on hold for ivf. I was in the same situation 2 years ago. Applied & didn’t get the job (which I was fine with, decided I didn’t really want to change job afterall!) but I’m still on the ivf journey with no baby yet. Don’t put off anything for ivf, although it’s successful for many, it’s not for all, & you’d hate to look back in 6 months and think you should have gone for it xxx

[LSandJ]

Go for the job! I didn't as I thought I'd be pregnant and I'm not yet!

[saraht23]

I felt like I’d put my life on hold enough through 6 years of infertility so changed jobs 6 months ago and am so glad I did. Starting another ivf round imminently and work have been so supportive. I’m so glad I didn’t pass up the opportunity as I really needed to do something for me if that makes sense x

[muststayhopeful]

Go for the job!! Good luck x

[AMFB]

Hello,I have applied for a new job a week before starting downregulation. Got the job and became pregnant and I'm very happy as I really enjoy the new job and as a result stress much less 😊😊😊 go for it because as others say there is no point in putting life on hold. The more good changes you make and enjoy things as they are, the more chances it will all work out. Good luck x

[Hidden]

I have stayed in the same job which I am really unhappy in for five years because of TTC and after six rounds of ivf and copious MC I am still here and still no baby. We’ve also delayed our wedding. Delayed holidays the works

It’s my biggest regret and I am so angry with myself I’ve lost five years of my life putting it on hold

Go for the job and continue living life as if you aren’t TTC xx

[Alwaysbelieving in reply to Hidden]

Oh I’m sorry to hear that. I do hope things start working out for you very soon! X

[Hope4another]

Go for it! I was forced to apply for a senior leadership position between a mc and a fet as my job was being made redundant in a restructure. My boss knew what I was going through. I got the job, which I'm really enjoying and am now pregnant after a 2nd full round.

[Twiglet2]

I’d say Go for the job! I was wary of going for 2 promotions throughout my IVF but it took my 5 years to finally conceive so I would have put off the job promotions and still had no baby which would have been a doubly hard to take... we have to life our lives to some extent too and can’t put everything on hold, if you fall pregnant great you may well have a better job as well 🤗 wishing you millions of luck xx

[Daffodils140]

I would definitely apply and then you can make further decisions as and when you need to. You are completely entitled to apply for jobs etc when having IVF and even when pregnant and can’t be discriminated against because of that. But anyway, for now, apply and see what happens. If you are short-listed I would go for the interview and then if you are offered the job you can have another think. Do apply or you will always wonder what if... xx

[Gatarra]

Go for it !!!! I switched jobs when I had just gone on the waiting list for ivf . Started ivf a month into the new job . People at my new work were so much nicer and more supportive - I am really enjoying the new job and it’s made a big difference to stress levels which is important for ttc! . Don’t worry about mat pay - yes it would be nice to have but don’t delay ivf because of it . I delayed 7 months trying to conceive and when I did try we were infertile so it was time wasted ... I really regret not starting earlier as this process is so long ... and follicle count is only going one direction ! Anyway it sounds like either option is not a bad one for you ? Good luck 😉 🤞

[Millak]

Go for it! Ivf is so unpredictable! Good luck! 😀

[hoping2021]

Dear Alwaysbelieving , I think you should totally dive into the job. I’ve often thought about leaning back in my career to try and sometimes family and friends unhelpfully tell me to slow down and choose the slow lane to try and boost my chances. But I don’t have any regrets about my career. For me the worst case scenario would be slow lane and no kids SO go for this job!!! And good luck with the FET... fingers crossed you get both xxxx

[LunaLovegood11]

Go for it... I almost didn’t accept a job whilst TTC just in case... needless to say it didn’t happen, but the new work did give me some stability which helped during IVF xx

[Alwaysbelieving]

Thank you for all of the replies. So my next question (and I think I know what you will all say 😂) is do I tell them in the interview or not? I know I don’t have to but I think it would sit better with me if I did but don’t want it to blow my chances. If I apply for it I think I will tell them as I’m not desperate to leave where I am and let fate decide? Thanks everyone you are literally the only people who can advise and understand the predicament xx

[hoping2021 in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

I would say absolutely not. There is no need for you to tell them. And if I were interviewing - I would not expect the candidate to tell me their family planning plans. good luck!

[Beanybeanz in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

No no no don’t tell them x

[Hope4another in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

No, definitely don't tell them. There is no expectation that you should do so and I think they would find it odd.

[Alwaysbelieving in reply to Hope4another]

Thanks. If I was successful when would you guys mention it? Just go with the flow in terms of appointments and just say when I feel I need to?

[Hope4another in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

Would you start in September? Definitely wait until your contract is signed! I would tell them only if you need to because of appointments or if you are unwell. If you are worried about how it would be perceived you could tell them at that point that you've been through a lot to get there and didn't want to put your life on hold. However, it's illegal to discriminate on grounds of pregnancy X

[Alwaysbelieving in reply to Hope4another]

Yeah September start and FET should be at the end of April. Interview will be start of May. It’s a catholic school too so hoping they would appreciate the honesty but now thinking of not saying anything at all from all of the replies. So glad I asked on here x

[Hope4another in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

It's really hard isn't it, but I don't think you should feel bad.

[Alwaysbelieving in reply to Hope4another]

Thanks I know and if my partner applied for a job this wouldn’t even be an issue for him so I need to keep equality very much at the forefront of my mind and go for it without feeling guilty or torn

[Hope4another in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

Definitely

[Sunshine809 in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

Definitely do not tell them in the interview or before you sign your contract if you get the job!

If you didn't get the job you would always wonder if it was because of the IVF, and you have absolutely no obligation to tell them. They also cannot ask you about your future plans to have children as it's a discriminatory question. As someone else has pointed out, the interviewers would actually find it quite uncomfortable if you mentioned it, as it would be odd for someone to be so honest in that scenario!

[Daffodils140]

I would agree with hoping2021 - do not tell them in the interview.

[jengi]

Go for the job! My only advice is if you get offered it & it means a new contract where you are or a change of company just consider whether you’ll still be eligible for their maternity pay/package. I’ve had a few friends caught out with this & they were not eligible to the company’s enhanced maternity pay because they hadn’t been in employment for 26 weeks by their qualifying week. It’s a bit complicated but this should help:

acas.org.uk/your-maternity-...

[Alwaysbelieving in reply to jengi]

Thank you for the link. Yeah there’s lots to think about!